How does a shy guy talk to women?

[SurreyGuy]

I've been single for a while and finally plucked up the bottle to go out on my own at the weekend, but I didn't stay out long!

I went to a local bar/club and saw some nice women, but (despite being told in the past that I'm not a bad looking guy) I wasn't looked at, smiled at or chatted to once :o(

I was trying to pluck up the courage to approach some of them, but they looked so stern and un-approachable that I didn't feel that I'd be "welcome".

Do any ladies have any sensible and genuine advice as to what I can do the next time I go out?

[saxy_jag]

SurreyGuy, do actually enjoy going to bars and clubs?

I ask because it might not be the place to get to know the ideal woman for you, partly for the very reasons you've just stated. I think you have to be a certain type to be able to relax and chat easily with the opposite sex in these places. They're very public and you feel as though you're on show all the time.

I suggest you find an activity that you like doing for its own sake and preferably something where you're likely to meet women your own age. Then you immediately have something in common to talk about. You don't have the initial barrier of 'what the hell can I say?'

[SurreyGuy]

No I don't like clubs, but bars/pubs are ok.

I agree with what you say about an activity group, but I'm trying to think of what I'd like to do. I like football and regularly attend matches, but I have the same "stern/un-approachable" probelm with the women there as I did the other night.

[Surreygirl30]

Have you got any single friends? Maybe you could go out with a single mate and find a couple of girls and then that might make it easier for you to approach them.

By the way it isn�t always about being �good looking' if a guy comes across as up his own a*se then that in itself is a real turn off. All i know is when i am out i find the shy guys with a sense of humour/intelligence the most appealing. As for having confidence to approach, just be you and if it�s meant to be, it will. Be friendly and nice � don�t ever be sleazy or leering and you will be fine. Being chatted up by a guy, whether you like him or not is always flattering so whoever you approach will be flattered and I expect wouldn�t tell you where to get off. :-)

[SurreyGuy]

No I don't have any sinlge friends and the guys I do know get grief from their other halves if they go out without them.

I'm certainly not "up my own arse" - never have been and never could be. I'm intelligent with a caring nature, but I'm a bit shy to start with :o(

I often read about women who will go and talk to a guy they like - I just wish I could fine one!

[Surreygirl30]

i know exactly what you mean - i go bright red when i fancy a guy lol but, at the same time - i am guessing that its easier to meet people, say at a club and then get chatting that way. I personally find the whole bar thing a bit tacky and generally find guys are just out for one thing in that environment (might be why some gilrs are a bit unapproachable). I

tell you a good pulling place lol and that has been on the train - i have been asked out at least 3 times by random strangers on the train lol (all not my cup of tea though).

With me i find how do you get pass the giving each other the eye to actually dating - i really like a guy at work and we spend all day giving the eye - yet i think if i try make a move he might knock me back lol wish finding a nice person was easy - it feels like everyone in the world has someone.

Why don�t you join a gym? I know loads of people that have met people that way.

[oldwoman]

Get yourself a dog. A nice cute one that women can`t resist stroking. "Iv`e been worried he`s not eating properly have you any advice". Women will be throwing themselves at you. Go on tell me you dont like dogs. Borrow one for the day.

[SurreyGuy]

surreygirl - I used to belong to a gym, but all the women there were "up" themselves.

I've also tried catching someone's eye on the trian, but had no luck :o(

oldwoman - i've got a dog and she's cutie! I take her out to different places at different times of the day and only seem to meet couples or women in their 60s! whilst there's nothing wrong with older women, I wasn't quite looking for one THAT old! :o)

[divegirl]

Why don't you just ask Surreygirl out? ;o}

[SurreyGuy]

We chatted B4 and it didn't "work out" :o(

Anyway, she fancies a guy she works with :o(

[divegirl]

Awwww.....sending you hugs....

Lisa x

[SurreyGuy]

divegirl - and I suppose you are

a) "taken"?

b) miles away?

c) not interested?

:o)

[peterlawless]

orit mate i always find the best way is to put yourself in the deep end with girls just go over know matter if they look like they will turn you away or not just ask them there name, were are they from, are they single dont forget you will only see these girls once if they turn you away and after a few times of trying you will get one and then it will be easy after that well its worked for me anyway

best of luck mate

[divegirl]

lol....actually I' m single and not that far away, but I'm also a 37 year old mother of two....wouldn't wish that on anyone!!!!

[SurreyGuy]

peterlawless - easier said than done if you're shy. If I get turned down I'd feel uneasy staying in the place. I also wouldn't want people thinking, "look at that saddo going from woman to woman trying to score"!

divegirl - both my last two gfs had kids and that is not a problem for me. Your move! :o)

[wonderwoman1]

some of us are too far away!! *sniff sniff* lol

how are you surryeguy? xx

[SurreyGuy]

hi wonderwoman - i'd be better if i was not single and had a woman to share life's ups and downs with and who would invigorate me! :o)

So, where are you?

[wonderwoman1]

edinburgh...we have spoken before! glad to see i am memorable!!! lol ;)

[crete]

do you have any nieces or nephews you could borrow for the day ? take them to the park, and some nice girl will think you are a great uncle spending time with them. and will approach you.

[clarebear86]

I know its not everyones cup of tea and I may of been watching a little to much sex in the city but what about those speed dating nights they have started to do for single people. Think you spend about 3 minutes chatting to each person and if you click with someone you can swop numbers at the end. That way you could go on your own without feeling out of place and everyone is in the same boat and it will boost your confidence in chatting to women. I have no idea what they are like just a suggestion.

[SurreyGuy]

wonderwoman - sorry hun :o( xx

crete - nope, got none of them

clarebear - i'm going to one on Wednesday and sh***ing myself already! :o)