Side splitting

[jus some gal]

What is the funniest joke you have ever herd?

[shammydodger]

Two cows in a field. One cow says to the other:

"Aren't you worried about catching BSE?"

"Nah", said the second cow, "Orang-Utans can't catch it."

Actually rather crap, but it is one of a "herd" that I have.

[larkin]

Two cows in a field
One says " Nice day"
The other says "I'm F@*&ing fresian"
Thats a herd joke too.

[Agent_Smith]

2 eggs and a sausage in a frying pan

1 egg turns around an says " it's hot in here"

the sausage say "to right it is"

the other egg says " fcuk me, a talking sausage!!!"

[Jennykins]

this is not the best joke I ever herd but its the only one I can think of right now....................
[edited by ABED]

[bubbly girly]

not really a joke........

What's black and white and red all over?

A skunk in a blender!

[pingu748]

Bear goes into a clothes shop and says " Can I have a large pair ............................................................................................................
........................................................................................................
.................... of gloves please ?

Sure, says the shopkeeper ... but why the big pause ??

" Because I'm a bear " he replies !!

[pingu748]

Pause (paws)

[the sniper]

The funniest one i've heard recently goes like this
" Hello, my name is Ward~Minter, I have a 1st class honours degree in law, i was a captain in the royal intelligence corps and im really really clever". [edited by ABED]
I was ROFLMAO

[Loosehead]

A man goes home from the pub drunk carrying a sheep under one arm. Walks into the bedroom and says to the wife: "This is the pig I normally sleep with", she says "I think you'll find that's a sheep" He says "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep"

[warpig1]

loosehead - excellent.

[RATTER15]

the sniper, fantastic!! best one I heard all year!!!

[Loosehead]

Man wakes up with a hangover, goes into the kitchen and sees his wife at the stove with one of his socks in the frying pan: "What are you doing?", "Just obeying your orders love, when you came in pi55ed last night you said cook my sock"

[partyanimal]

nice one loosehead, its the one that made me Lol

[partyanimal]

that is, the 2nd one!!

[informashun]

bloke sat at home bored, phone rings and mate asks if he wants to come to his house for a party.
bloke asks whats on and mate says stacks of food ,music, dancing and lots of sex .
bloke says hes up for it and does he need to get dressed up.
no answers his mate its just for us two

[Englishbird]

?!

[Englishbird]

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company�s Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn�t taste like alcohol at all. He didn�t even remember how he got home from the party.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!
Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick!:

�Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling!� He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table eating. Jack asks,

�Son. what happened last night?�
�Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.�
Confused he asked his son, �So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?� His son replies, �Oh THAT!� Mum dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, �Leave me alone, lady, I�m married!�

[OBonio]

Giraffe lying dead in the road. Bloke and his mate walk past.
'What's that lying there for?'
'It's not a lion, it's a giraffe.'

Ba-dum tscchhhhhhhh.

Best told quickly... and not written... hmmm.

[Al_Ucard]

2 gay cowboys-
"Yup"
"Yip"

[Al_Ucard]

Man to shoe shop assistant -

"these shoes are too tight"
"try them with the tongue out"
"thherth thstill too thight"