my boyfriend has been using psychology on me

[samarasha]

my boyfriend has been using psychology on me for 16 months (Skinner) and chipping away at my self esteem. He used me recently for a free holiday and I've found out he has been lying to me and trying to control me. There is no going back as he is cruel and a user. However, before I depart is there anything I can do to make him realise just HOW MUCH he has abused me and hurt me. Sandie

[liquidspace]

If there is anything you can do to get back at him please let me know. My boyfriend is a user too and has manipulated me into handing over tens of thousands of pounds. My advice is get out now!

[wolf63]

guys like that never learn, or should I say people like that - there are many women just the same.

The best thing you can do is give yourself time to get back your confidence, don't rush into another relationship and do not go back to this guy, no matter how sorry he says he is.

He is a loser and he will go and find himself somebody else to intimidate.

Just make sure you get out and remember that he is only doing bad things to you to make him feel strong and that means that he is weak.

[larkin]

don't bother or worry about the reatliation - just get out now before anything worse may happen.

[liquidspace]

Couldnt agree more. I am actually still with mine (long story - cannot leave for complicated financial reasons) but he took everything I had and still is, some people have a way about them that convinces people they are right, clever and only doing things for everyone's good - not so!

[pixie_woo]

I too was in a controlling relationship for 3 years.
I am now very happy with a man who is the absolute opposite personality of the Loser.
I agree with wolf63 in that he is trying to make you weak in order to make him stronger. You need to find the strength within yourself to leave him before he causes any more damage.
Try not to retaliate, I know it is such a cliche but the best revenge is for you to be happy. It also helps if he happens to be there while you are enjoying the company of your friends. Show him that you are not the weak little girl he thinks he has made you. (sorry, the old anger is coming back!)
Please do it soon. You are worth so much more.

I truly wish you all the happiness in the world.

[4getmenot]

Leave him and dont do all this getting back at him. get him out your life now.

[larkin]

I am not a psychologist but have been in this situation so now realise what was happening. My counsellor calls it the dripping tap effect .
I stayed around too long and am still paying the price for that many tears later. Listen to what everyone is telling you.

[CiderMonkey]

when you leave him he will realise that he has lost the best thing that could ever happen to him. I was with someone like this and finally got strong enough to kick him out. I found out a lot of things about him that made me want to get back at him..but I didn't do anything. People that are like this always ruin things for themselves anyway, so you don't need to do anything! Karma will take care of it for you. What goes around, comes around!
This person will treat ewveryone that comes into their life like this and will end up with nobody.

[Eve]

Just get the hell out of there honey, and don't risk starting a war or stooping to his level of game playing and psychological warefare.

Just walk away quietly and strongly with your head held high, show him you're the strong one whereas he's the cowardly controling bully. His strength is only in the power that you let him have over you, behind it is an insecure cowardly man.

Good luck honey xxx

You're better and stronger than that and don't have to say anything, he will suffer in his own way by losing you and all the other good people in his life he treats like this. Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing how effective his control was over you so it doesn't reinforce how effective his methods were and send him straight out looking for another victim .

[Hellion]

Get out Samarsha, the thing that hurts people like that the most is losing control over the other person, by leaving him you are breaking him! And if you really want to get back at him go out and have a succesful life without him, show him YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM!

[joycey2006]

your boyfriiend sounds like a total idiot and yes tehre is no going back but there is going forward on your own ditch him u can do so much better for yourself he is a leach send yourself some flowers from a secret admirer then sit back and watch him panick that someone els eis interested in your he will think he has competition from another man now that a bit of pssychology that shouldnty go wrong

[larkin]

forget the flowers to yourself - thats a dangerous move. jealousy breeds violence. just leave.