ChatterBank3 mins ago
coping with the past
31 Answers
Hi
My boyfriend is great in so many ways (rubbish with the housework though) but he has a very dodgy past which he insisted on telling me. Once I started to hear bits I needed to know more and now I am having trouble coping with it. He showed me texts from an ex-girlfriend who are obviously more sexual than me and I know he's done pretty much everything before! Whenever I suggest something he's always done it before and I feel second best. I have a problem accepting it on a daily basis and feel sick sometimes when I think about the past. I do love him but I don't know how to cope with this. His latest thing is refusing to stop looking at porn despite the fact that I am not happy about him looking at it when we have sex a lot less than I would like! Any suggestions?
My boyfriend is great in so many ways (rubbish with the housework though) but he has a very dodgy past which he insisted on telling me. Once I started to hear bits I needed to know more and now I am having trouble coping with it. He showed me texts from an ex-girlfriend who are obviously more sexual than me and I know he's done pretty much everything before! Whenever I suggest something he's always done it before and I feel second best. I have a problem accepting it on a daily basis and feel sick sometimes when I think about the past. I do love him but I don't know how to cope with this. His latest thing is refusing to stop looking at porn despite the fact that I am not happy about him looking at it when we have sex a lot less than I would like! Any suggestions?
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He's just an insecure prat, who misguidedly thinks it's impressive to you, for him to appear to be some stud. He clearly isn't sexually your equal because he has a lower or lazier sex drive than you do so I suggest you give him a kick up the arse and tell him that. Say you are a bit disappointed that he devotes all his time to porn and out of date text messages when you really need a man who'll fulfill you sexually and not just chat about it. See how comfortable he is with that, as I think he's been rude and churlish so far and needs sorting out. the porn thing is nothing, all men look at porn even those desperately in love with their wives, so as long as he sorts himself out I wouldn't worry about that.
After I moved in with Mr P I stumbled across a dirty letter from when he was going out with his ex wife (I'm a liberal minded lady, but even my hair curled!) he was sitting with me at the time and I said something along the lines of ''what the hell are you doing keeping this?'' he answered that he didn't really know, but later on I kind of worked out that it was a bit of an ego boost for him as he was quite insecure...whilst to me it appeared that he still had a 'thing' for her.
In the early stages of our relationship (before we moved in together) we did talk about our previous experiences. I think both of us felt ok about it at the time, but nowadays it is never discussed ~ and I know for sure that we both regret talking about it.
Your fella sounds insecure..maybe he needs to hear some reassurance from you that he is desired, and that you find him sexy. Most (ok, all) guys like to hear that they have a massive todger! can't say much about the porn thing as it doesn't bother me when Mr P looks at it ~ I join in, in fact. However if it is taking over & replacing your sex life then you must have a chat. Maybe he thinks you have gone off it? if that's the case, correct him :o)
In the early stages of our relationship (before we moved in together) we did talk about our previous experiences. I think both of us felt ok about it at the time, but nowadays it is never discussed ~ and I know for sure that we both regret talking about it.
Your fella sounds insecure..maybe he needs to hear some reassurance from you that he is desired, and that you find him sexy. Most (ok, all) guys like to hear that they have a massive todger! can't say much about the porn thing as it doesn't bother me when Mr P looks at it ~ I join in, in fact. However if it is taking over & replacing your sex life then you must have a chat. Maybe he thinks you have gone off it? if that's the case, correct him :o)
God, yes, he is exactly the same. He's quite happy to go on (and on and on and on) about his drug-taking, multi-shagging past, but as soon as I tell him something back about my past (which is just as sordid, only I hide it better), he gets all stroppy and says that he'd rather not hear about the time before he knew me. I put it down to immaturity (he's 25) and just ignore it. I think that he likes to see himself as a "bad boy" and that I am the "good girl" he is enjoying misleading. But the reality is quite different, and I get the feeling that any cracks in his wee fantasy are quickly papered over.
He sounds exactly like my bloke! He goes on and on about how great his drug taking past was and has absolutely no interest in my past at all! If I so much as mention someone who could be an ex he says 'ooh the ugly one'. Whereas I have to feel sorry for his ex who went through everything known to man and a couple more. Grr men! Sometimes I wish I fancied women, much much easier!
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