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I am so angry!! should I be?
39 Answers
OK, here's the deal. My husband has been stupidly busy with work lately - 15 hour days being par for the course- and as a result has been naturally exhausted.When he does come home he's grouchy and just wants to sleep. it's not been easy to deal with but I keep getting assured it's only temporary.
BUT today is his birthday and sunday is our wedding anniversary so I arranged for my parents to take the girls overnight. Because they wouldn't see him today the girls and I arranged a wee party for him yesterday. We had balloons,and cooked his favourite meal; the idea being that we would have a family dinner before the rest of the family came round for coffee and cake. He came home late ( says he got stuck in traffic) and the girls and I ended up eating the dinner alone. NOW he's phoned to say he's working late tonight probably till 9 or 10 so our night's stuffed! He doesn't think I should be giving him a hard time over this - what do you think? p.s. sorry it's so long
BUT today is his birthday and sunday is our wedding anniversary so I arranged for my parents to take the girls overnight. Because they wouldn't see him today the girls and I arranged a wee party for him yesterday. We had balloons,and cooked his favourite meal; the idea being that we would have a family dinner before the rest of the family came round for coffee and cake. He came home late ( says he got stuck in traffic) and the girls and I ended up eating the dinner alone. NOW he's phoned to say he's working late tonight probably till 9 or 10 so our night's stuffed! He doesn't think I should be giving him a hard time over this - what do you think? p.s. sorry it's so long
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its difficult isnt it? There might be things going on a t work you dont kno about (ie threats of redundancy, big order etc) which motivates your husband to put in these long hours. It maybe he is trying to escape something at home. it may be that he hasnt realised exactly how you feel about it - its nothing that cant be sortyed by communicating. the problem is, you get fed up, therefore get angry therefore less abe to communicate how you feel. He hears you critcising, immediately gets defensive and dosent listen. You need to let him know how this is affecting the family in a rational way, and allow for him to put his points accross. same thing happened to me and my hubby - he is just very loyal to his work, and earning lots of money is the way he measures success, hereas my view is happiness in life = success, so we were coming from to different angles. hen we realised this we were able to sort it out satisfacorily, and we both had understanding of where the other was coming from. This was after months of me getting frustrated and angry though.
Even no,w i sometimes have to remind him he is hardly going to think on his deathbed "i wish i'd worked more"
Even no,w i sometimes have to remind him he is hardly going to think on his deathbed "i wish i'd worked more"
btw, my situation came to a head when i was in hospital, and on discharge he was supposed to come and pick me up, but instead had to stay late at work, while i sat in a corridor waiting for a lift! I asked him if he though he might be able to spare the time when it came to my funeral! this led to a big row, but after the row a rational discussion about how his work was affecting our marriage
Pinkfizz, it's in a university lecture theatre and the boss of the projaect ( who has been an absolute**** throughout )wants it all done while there are no students about.
Bednobs, I know what you mean. He does love his job and has always worked hard but it's never interfered with his family this way before. I have talked rationally to him and I'm 95% sure that hates this as much as I do and the bosses are just being slavedrivers but there's a small part of me that thinks like ELVIS68.
Bednobs, I know what you mean. He does love his job and has always worked hard but it's never interfered with his family this way before. I have talked rationally to him and I'm 95% sure that hates this as much as I do and the bosses are just being slavedrivers but there's a small part of me that thinks like ELVIS68.
My partner also works silly hours - he comes in at aroud 7pm - then goes straight into our office at home and works there!! But he does pop in and out of the lounge in the evening to see me!
Seriously,I would be fuming if he did that 2 nights in a row,even if not for me then at least for my kids.Have you actually talked to him about this?
Seriously,I would be fuming if he did that 2 nights in a row,even if not for me then at least for my kids.Have you actually talked to him about this?
Sorry...but I wasn`t taking the p!ss, it`s just sounds like he might be having an affair, don`t beat yourself up over it, just ask him, or it may be he is just working too hard and forgets about his homelife, I did when I knew my family were coming round on my birthday, nothing worse after a hard days graft
I think your man may well be acting 100% in good faith, but he neesd a very loud wake up call that it's damaging your relationship as much as it is. I am a well known workaholic in our house , but if people have made a special effort for me then God knows I'd not miss it for the world. Life is too short to alienate those you love who are trying to show you how much they love you, so I always make sure I'm on call for my wife and kids no matter what. He needs to understand in no uncertain terms that you need some quality time with him, and he needs to prioritise that for you.
Right,trying to answer all the questions here:)
We do need the money cause I haven't worked since the girls were born 9 not on any benefits though,bob. LOL) However he gets paid a set monthly wage and will not get any overtime for doing this.I know he does feel pressure at being the breadwinner butin my defense, he literally has not done any washing , ironing , cleaning or cooking in the last four and a half years.
Elvis, I have asked him if he's having an affair and he said no. To be honest he's a terrible liar and so forgetful that if was telling stories he'd get more mixed up than sexyrussian.
We do need the money cause I haven't worked since the girls were born 9 not on any benefits though,bob. LOL) However he gets paid a set monthly wage and will not get any overtime for doing this.I know he does feel pressure at being the breadwinner butin my defense, he literally has not done any washing , ironing , cleaning or cooking in the last four and a half years.
Elvis, I have asked him if he's having an affair and he said no. To be honest he's a terrible liar and so forgetful that if was telling stories he'd get more mixed up than sexyrussian.
