is it possible to forget something terrible?

[crisgal]

Can you go to a hypnotist or something, or do you have to live with something going over and over in your head?
I just wondered if there was a physical way of totally wiping something from your memory.

[loopyc]

i went to the docs to see if there was anything i could do about flash backs and i was told as it was my memory there was nothing he could do, i dont know about an hypnotist because surely if they can retrive memories then they can banish others.

[crisgal]

that's what i was thinking loopyc. I might give it a try.

[Octavius]

I don't think it is so much about removing it from your memory, I think it is more to do with exercising your mind and sub-conscious in such a way to ensure that you are able to deal with the memory in a more positive and manageable way when it does reappear.

Its a similar method when people have sessions for phobias, whilst the problem hasn't gone away, they have a different way of dealing with it, often by refocussing their bad thoughs or overwhelming them with good ones until they eventually dissolve and go away.

[loopyc]

please keep us updated as like you there are things i need to forget x

[purplehair]

I could do with something like this too!

[mike42]

hi all,
i know what you mean about having something in your
head, and its driving you mad.
my son was divorced from his wife 2 yrs ago,after he found out she was having an affair. after the divorce witch was very bitter, he had a break down & turned to alcohol, what made it worse his ex moved 9 miles & they had two little girls,
wich she was not allowing him or us has grandparents
to see the girls. he went to court to fight to see his children
although the judge decreed he should have access.
she will not comunicate at all with him or us,to cut it short
he or us as grandparents have not seen the children for two years. my wife is in tears at least twice a week.
she says that she can not get the children off her mind.
sorry sign off now feel bit upset.

[crisgal]

mike42, i am so sorry about your situation. My daughter has a very special relationship with my mum and it is heartbreaking to think that both sides are missing out on that.
If your son has been awarded access, is there nothing else he can do?
Isn't there any support available to you at all? Some counselling, or other people to talk to that have been in a similar situation?
i really can't imagine what you must be going through.
xxxxxx

[mike42]

hi crisgal
we have had counciling, did help a bit, we tried phoning
my sons ex but she just hangs up.
we dont really understand as we have done nothing to her.
i think my son has given up, he lives in a council flat at the moment, he is not working now, he has an alcohol problem.
he goes missing for weeks on end and then turns up
at our house in tears and depressed, we have tried everything. he will seem to be getting better, then he will go off again.
thanks for your concern it is much appreciated.
mike xxxx

[crisgal]

My step dad went through something similar with his children to his first wife. He had access, but there was always an excuse on his access days - they were ill or whatever.
Anyway, he found out from a neighbour that they never received any of the cards or gifts he sent on birthdays etc. She would always intercept them.
So, instead of sending them, he kept them and also wrote letters to them, but never posted them.
i remember once, he contacted the head of their school, showed that he had access and eventually had a very emotional (all be it brief) meeting, in the presence of the head, at school.
apparantly, she'd told them that he was in prison and all kinds of awful things.
In the short time though. he managed to tell them that he loved them and that he thought about them all the time.
When the boys - who are now grown up and married with children of their own - reached 16 or so, they came to see their dad. He gave them all the letters and cards and was finally able to tell his side of the story.
i can't pretend it's a very happy ending, their relationship has been scarred and although they keep in contact, they are not what you would call close, but at least they now know the truth, and that they were not abandoned by their dad.

I hope, some day, you will have the chance to see your grandchildren and that your son finds some peace.

I feel i must take stock of my own life and count my blessings. My children will get an extra squeeze tonight, and I'll try to cherish every moment we have together.

[mike42]

yes cris do that.
that was a good idea to approach the school
unfortunatly we dont no wich school they are in now. we also have sent birhday cards
with cheques in but they were not cashed.
we have oppened bank acounts for the girls.
luckily we had cpoies of there birth certificates. its on of the girls birthdays next
week the 25th. any cris thanks for letting me bend your ear. goodnight and god bless
mike xxx

[noxlumos]

It's very easy and natural for the same events to replay over and over in your mind until they become almost a subconscious obsession. I have done this myself with some images and events I would very much prefer to forget and I did really have to completely retrain the way I thought and my personal reactions to those thoughts. Try investigating NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming). My wife has her own sort of home grown version of this which I used and it did finally set me free from the very destructive patterns I had established from myself, but it took a lot of introspection and effort.Good luck all.