My dad

[bollie]

I was nine when my mum died, from then on it was a case of being shifted from pillar to post. I moved back to my dads when i was 12. He used to hit me a lot, there was also a lot of mental abuse, threats of childrens homes etc,
being beaten up and kicked out was fairly regular

so why now as a 36 year old woman, am i bothered that this old man (72 now) would rather spend his birthday with his new girlfriend (76) then with me and my husband.

[B00]

Awwwww bollie bless your little cotton socks xxx

families are weird things- all that they do to us and put us through we simply can't turn our backs on 'em, even though we want to more times than not!

I know it's upsetting for you, but try not to let it get to you, just congratulate yourself instead that despite all that you've gone through you've obviously come out of this as a lovely person.

You've done what you can to acknowledge his birthday, but if he's too selfish to see how forgiving you've been (about your past) despite his upbringing, it's his loss not yours.

Is it not possible that you can spend it with him AND his girlfriend?


Take care
Boo
:-)

[bollie]

Cheers boo
ive invited her, said i would pick them up, take them out , and then take them home, (neither drive)
He just isnt interested,
i know i should just cut my losses, but im stupid

[B00]

Well bu&&er him then!

you've done what you can. It sounds like your childhood wasn't a picnic, but you've come out of as a caring person, and you've got YOU to thank for that, not him. Console yourself with that.

Why dont you and Mr Bollie do something special that day anyway? Let ya dad know that despite his stubborness you had a ruddy good day without him- heh :-)

[bollie]

love you boo, thank youxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[snagged]

even after everything you have experienced, you're still bothered by his attitude as ultimately, blood is thicker than water... unfortunately...

[crete]

bollie, his loss you can do no more than you have, isnt it weird though when someone is ill treated they still want things to be better ?

[bollie]

i spose i just wanted him to love me

[counsellor]

Try a technique i learned whilst studying counselling... dont laugh it sounds really funny but if you get two chairs sit in one and pretend your dads in the other but do the answering for him if you know what i mean! may be best to do this in private... keep talking until you feel better about the situation.....xxxxxx

[crete]

could he be too embarressed to be in your company because he treated you badly and is avoiding you ?

[Joowlie]

Its a sign of insecurity.................... I use to be like it. The worse someone treated me, the more I wanted them to like me. Its no wonder you are insecure after all you have endured, but try and put it all behind you and look forward. Counselling works wonders....... it helps you to understand why you are like you are and to overcome these feeling of. Get some self worth back and if he doesnt want to be with you, then thats his loss and certainly not yours xxx

[Eve]

Love works in funny ways honey, have learnt that the hard way myself including that people love and show love in different ways and that some more emotionally distant people find it very hard to show. The older I get the more I learn through others why they are that way and that although i'm told there is love there that it will never be shown to me in the way that i want it to be.

I've learnt to accept it more now and move on and not be so bitter about it which in itself was making things worse and probably making it harder for them to love me because of a personal thing for me in that they didn't love me the way I wanted.

I find that it means I can see more the bits of love that are there albeit not in the way I might want to see them.

Why not write him a letter explaining how you feel and that it would be nice to spend some time together and get to know each other better and improve your relationship. Maybe tell him how you feel you'd like him to be more towards you, not accusatory, but that you accept that he is the way he is and that it's your issue but that despite everything that has happened you'd still love to spend time with him and grow as father and daughter as time is precious.

Whatever happens at least you've told him how you feel before it's too late which could be a reease in itself and if it works then great but if not then you've made the move and can try and move on and leave some of the hurt and bitterness behind you and not give anymore time to our insecurities which hold us back so much and make us feel so awful.

Good luck honey xxx

[Eve]

Ps..have posted how to get on MSN in that other thread for you, come on and have a natter :) xxx

[raysparx1]

bollie,

I really feel for you,but it is as if he still has control over you,he is still calling the shots,in a way he is still abusing you,don't let it be like this, you decide what you want to do,don't invite him again, I wpould just carry on as normal,don't let him see it is affecting you,he sounds like a real bully and control freak to me.

take care bollie, good luck, Ray