Helpful

[Roughquest]

I took a day's holiday from my work to help a friend in need do a 'moonlight flit' from her husband by moving her stuff out of her house and into her new flat. A good job was done by all and I know she said thank you to us all - that is it, call me petty but if I had been her I would have at least made some gesture and bought a bottle of wine, thankyou card, or chocs and given them to all to say how much their help meant and that she could not have done it without us. Another friend of mine has also commented and said they'd wish they hadnt bothered as it was really hard work. We feel a little deflated. WHat are your views?

[FL1RT]

I'm guessing that your friend is probably feeling pretty down if she's just left her husband so maybe your priority should be to support her rather than worry about getting some chocolates?

[Roughquest]

We realise that and we do know she is feeling pretty low, and its a big upheaval for her - but without our help she would still be in this mess....and it was all last minute that she asked us for help and we all had to rush around and get time off at such short notice which wasnt easy at all.

[raysparx1]

I think she will come round and thank you properly,her head is all over the place at the moment,just not thinking straight, I would think she is really gratefull for your help.

[crete]

give her some time to settle down . her thanks may well be heartfelt id rather have a thank you which is genuine than a box of chocolates,

[smudge]

When did you help your friend move Roughquest?

The reason I ask, is that maybe since she left her husband, she hasn't had the time, money or inclination to walk around the shops choosing 'thank you cards & gifts'.

At least she has said 'thank you' to you all', so that should be suffice.

Give her a little time - it can't have been that easy for her to make the decision to walk away from her marriage.

"A friend in need, is a friend indeed".

[~Wingnut~]

Hi Roughquest,
Maybe she is planning on inviting you all over for a meal once she is settled in her new place? Like the other's have said she is obviously feeling down and is probably only thinking of herself right now, who can blame her? Give her time to mull over her life and what has happened maybe you will be suprised :o)
I kind of know how you feel tho, I went halves with a work friend for another collegue's wedding present. I went and bought the present, wrapped it up all fancy, the collegue was suprised that we had bought her a gift. Since then and the wedding it has never been mentioned, no thank you verbal or card wise, I think she was probably a bit embaressed as we hadn't been invited to night do or anything but I didn't expect to be, I like her and wanted to buy her something for her special day. My work friend keeps going on about the fact we haven't had a thank you yet she keeps forgetting SHE hasn't paid me for her half of the gift yet!!!!! I'm personally not that bothered, we did a nice deed but she can't seem to let it lie. Just trying to show another side to your situation and how easily people can forget or not realise especially when there are other things going on in their life :o)

[~Wingnut~]

P.S.

Sorry that was so long above, having a long winded day :o)

[raysparx1]

Sorry to go off on a tangent, but gotta just say hello to the one,the only, lovely wingnut,hello wingnut xx

[Roughquest]

we are all different, I know that is what I would have done to thank my friends if they had rallied round for me - and im ok with that, but a couple of the friends that helped are feeling very disheartened we went out last night and they ended up leaving early as everyone was asking how the girl was settling in her new place and she is loving it....as one of they guys who hired and drove the van took a day from work without pay and he text me last night to say he wont bother again and he has known her longer than i have.

[Keeprockin]

If it's friend,then i'd consider it my duty to help in any way possible with a Thank You being enough gratitude. That's what friends are for

[flipflop104]

A thank you is enough - I'd help my friends move and wouldn't be even bothered if they didn't thank me at all. They're my friends and to expect something like chocs or wine is ridiculous (and selfish to be honest!). Friends help each other out - that's why they're friends.

[Eve]

I had a "friend" who was very messed up and I devoted a hige amount of time to including looking after her and buying her things to live on in and out of hospital even though I was broke myself and never getting paid back. Despite what was wrong with her she carried on taking drugs and such and making things worse and relying on me to help her out.

I went away for a weekend with my ex financee for some me time and she went mad at me totally without reason which was kinda the last straw as I was only on the end of the phone.

There were a number of incidents after that in which it was pretty certain she'd stolen expensive textbooks off other students including me (over �100 worth) that we couldn't afford to replace or prove outright (she even made comments to rub it in) even though her family was very well off compared to most of us.

There were so many other things and I just had to walk away in the end.

[noxlumos]

I'm afraid I'm with roughquest and the lovely Jenna on this, a small gesture costs absolutely s0d all. We as a family helped one of my wife's "friends" move 200 miles. It took 3 days and 3 trips as this woman is a serial hoarder and myself, my wife and my older boys all spent 3 days helping this woman, which we didn't mind in itself, if the job had been properly pitched to us, but what she said was "could you just give me a hand to load the van, evything will be packed, drive it up there and help me unload it.?" That sounded fine. We got there with the lorry and she's packed about 3% of her stuff, we had to help her pack things up, then got critisised for not packing them the same way she did, we had to do 3 journeys she had so much stuff and she wanted us to unpack the other end. Well s0d that for a "thanks". There's genuinely needing help and there's taking the p1ss.
On a more positive note a lady that came to work for us as an escort asked for help moving and she thanked us then made us the most gorgeous beaded cloured glass lampshades as a thank you gift, apologising all the while that she had no money to offer us. It's not the value of the things , it;s the sincerity of the thanks which I think is missing in roughquests's scenario and I can understand her being upset.

[smudge]

Roughquest - Like some of the others, I originally thought this girl might be feeling a bit low, but if as you say she's loving her new life - it doesn't sound the case.

Maybe she'll be in touch with you all again soon - but if not & you all feel so strongly about it - you'll know what to do next time!

I'm always helping people out & when they buy me flowers,etc., I always say "Ah, thank you very much, but you really shouldn't have".

If anyone does anything for me, I'm always the first to send thank you cards or flowers, etc.

A little goes a long way.

[raysparx1]

How long ago was this Rough ? I thought it was maybe a couple of days ago,but if it is weeks ago,then she is way out of order,

[smudge]

That's what I asked in my first question Ray.

If it's been days, fair enough - if it's been weeks or months, that's a bit different!

[raysparx1]

Spot on smudge, didn't notice that in your first question,put it down to my age and bad eyesight.

[smudge]

Snap Ray - believe me, you're not on your own! -x-

[~Wingnut~]

aww shucks, just got back in from a long walk with my 3 yr old daughter and saw your message Ray, thank you :o)

Hello to you too :o)

Hello to everyone else also :o)

I'd forgotten about the time we helped our neighbour move, my husband was on dialysis at the time and in quite poor health yet we helped her pack her 3 bedroomed house up (she was also a hoarder), did countless journeys to the 3rd floor flat that she was moving too, even took unwanted furniture to the tip for her and all we got was a nasty smell from the milk she spilt in our car lol
Hubby said never, ever again :o)
From what else you have said RQ, I too would feel slightly miffed, esp your friend who took unpaid leave to help. Would she have done the same for you if the tables had been reversed?
Sounds like my idea that she may invite you all round for a meal probably isn't gonna happen.
Try to take comfort from the fact you helped a friend in need and that your not the only one who feels this way about her.

[havinmysay]

did u only do it for a gift or something? by the sounds of it your friend has got other things on her mind at the moment she said thankyou so why isn't that enough i would always help my friends in a time of need and wouldn't expect anything but a thankyou.
And for your other friend saying she wished she hadn't bothered it's times like these when u realise who your friends are