How to say no to someone nicely?

[Surreygirl30]

Ok, as most of you who have seen my msgs before will know i am very unhappily single. Although I can not find the man of my dreams � I do in fact have a guy at work after me, as in hassling me every day and he works on a different floor/department (my boss is almost on the verge of saying something to him as he is like a stalker).

Just this minute he came to my desk and asked me out � this time he was being very serious about it and was genuinely upset when I said no. I am not use to being asked out and in such a public way � all my work colleagues were laughing their faces off. The thing is I can't be rude and tell him where to go � at the same time I don't want to come across like I am leading him on.

I am soooo flattered and really wish I fancied him but I really don't and well no point in pretending that I do. What is the best way for me to say I am not interested without making him look stupid as he is a nice guy (if a bit 'cocky'). God as I write this he has come back and just said 'are you missing me already' � so not use to this sort of attention. What do I do? Help.

[fawna]

If your boss is prepared to perhaps you could get them to say something to the guy. They wouldn't have to mention that you've asked them to, perhaps just tell him that they don't appreciate him distracting their employees when they're meant to be working.

If you want to put him off yourself eat loads of pesto so whenever he comes to talk to you you've got bits in your teeth!

[Surreygirl30]

Ha ha at the pesto.

Just my luck my boss is in the US until next Friday. The thing is this guy is so sweet but just way too OTT � must be desperate I guess.

[havinmysay]

quite a hard one especially if u work together the only thing i can suggest u do is keep saying no.Bless him.it is nice to have abit of attention at work it makes the day pass quicker dont u think? try and put up with it until your boss comes back then let him have a word.He is gonna have to watch his back though a bit of fun in asking someone out could result in him losing his job stalking is known as a serious offence
good luck.xxx

[admarlow]

*admarlow rolls up his sleaves*

WHERE IS HE, IM GOING TO HAVE A ''WORD''

but seriously, maybe do get your boss to have a word, you could always invent a fake boyfiend but probabily less mature. (or let me at him!!)

[samuel23]

Hang on ~ didn't you just say that he asked you out and you have already said no?
Best thing to do is try telling him the truth, that he is not your type. If he came up to you and asked you out in front of everyone and that embarrassed you, he obviously hasn't got well honed social skills. It was probably just as embarrassing for him to be turned down, but he fronted it out by coming back and talking to you again.
if he doesn't let up maybe one of your workmates could have a quiet word about harrassment? In a gentle way ( I don't mean the threats or shouting and accusations type of quiet word)

[Surreygirl30]

Thanks havemysay - that�s the thing i am really flattered � I mean I really don�t get this sort of thing loads. Its just when my boss was here last, he said to me 'gosh he is here a lot' and i sort of fobbed it off with the oh he just being friendly thing. Then he said well if it carries on or if he starts taking things too far I will have to have a word. I just thought this guy would move on by now. The thing is it is becoming more frequent and now everyone knows. This guy is quite high up in his job and I really don�t want to get him in any trouble. At same time he knows I am single as he asked my friend (he seems to know loads about me). Sure it will be ok � he will get bored.

[Surreygirl30]

Admarlow = ha ha

Samuel23 � thanks and that�s the thing when it comes to anything like this I am very shy (I go brilliant red). I have said before that I have a boyfriend � well he said I bet your boyfriend treats you and I went yes. The thing is like a guy at work and so don�t want him overhearing I have a boyfriend when I don�t (yes very complicated my life). Yeah I am thinking I need to catch him away from the office � in the lift maybe. That�s how I met him I was in the lift and as I got out he shouted at me �you are sooo cute� and I thought is he taking the wotsit as I am anything but that and really am not your standard sort of girl that gets guys chucking themselves at. Anyway then next thing I know he knows when I sit (and it�s a big building here), who my friends are � even the women in the coffee shop knows about him liking me. I am going to have to sort it out � oh dear lol.

[admarlow]

to be honest I don't think he will get bored so I would stop it before it gets too far!!! I think the best thing would be for your boss to have a friendly word in his shell like, failing that, Admarlows sleves are still rolled up xxxxxxxxxx

[PatriciaH]

Just tell him theres no way youd go out with someone from work. persevere :)

[samuel23]

Uh oh ~ stalker alert!!!!! If he wanted to know about you why didn't he ask you instead of your friend? Also what sort fo friend gives out that info before having a word with you?
If he is quite high up in his job then he should be more responsible for his actions. Why do you feel it is your responsibility if he gets into trouble for pestering you?
It may be flattering now to have his attentions, but if it came to a show down would you be able to claim innocence if he claimed you led him on by still talking to him?

[samuel23]

Good advice from admarlow. Nip it in the bud now surreygirl.

[China Doll]

Erm.... don't say it 'nicely.'

Point blank say 'I'm not interested, please stop harrassing me, you are making me very uncomfortable and if this continues I will have to take it up with the senior people within this company'

Stop being so b100dy nice about it, he's becoming an irritant... if you spilt bleach on your skin you'd be pretty quick with washing it off right before it burns?!

Honestly lady, I'm not kidding, he's not responding to 'nice,' tell him to bog off and get a life.... (but use my other sentance ^^^^ and not that one)

[admarlow]

sililare thing happened to my mum, and she left it and it got a lot worse, so my dad kinda make him see the error of his ways ha ha ha , but the be honest surreygirl this bloke sounds like a right w@nker, I mean, '' you are soo cute'', please!

[whiffey]

Paradoxically, it might work to go out with him just once. Make it an fairly unattractive proposition, like an afternoon round clothes shops and act completely neutrally towards him. It will be a message.

[admarlow]

^^^^^ risky!!!!!!

[fawna]

Surreygirl!! OTT because he's desparate?! I'm sure he genuinely likes you and isn't persuing you just because he's desparate! However, he does sound unnecesserily enthusiastic so perhaps a bop on the nose from admarlow would be useful!

[whiffey]

You worsen it up a bit. Arrange to travel independently and meet in the shopping centre. Say you have to be home for 6 as you are going out in the evening.

[admarlow]

preach fawna, preach!!, let me at him, I hate blokes like that!!

[KittyGlitter]

Is there anywhere quiet you can talk to him at work, where no one is watching or listening? As others have suggested, tell him you aren't interested, politely and firmly and if he hassles you again, then get your boss involved. I wouldn't advise making excuses such as you've already got a boyfriend or you don't want to date someone at work, because then they think there are still in with a chance because it's not personal! But it is personal - you don't have to fancy him and if he can't handle that then that aint your problem! Let us know how you get on XXX

[Surreygirl30]

Thanks everyone for your advice � its all been great. Ok, update he came back and I just said can I have a word with you outside. We got outside and he said look its ok I know you don�t fancy me but you can�t blame me for trying. I said that I didn�t want to hurt his feelings but my boss was getting the hump about it all. He seemed ok, think my look of oh god not you again may has woken him up. I feel awful � just my luck; always pull guys that I don�t like and never the ones that I do like.

Admarlow � you sound like my kind of guy haha :-)

Thanks everyone for taking the time out to help me out with this � greatly appreciated and totally gave me the confidence to say what I am thinking to him.