Past Affecting Future

[Eve]

Has anyone ever found their past affected their future?

I've chatting to the loveliest guy and we're going to meet for the first time in a couple of weeks.

We were chatting and asking each other questions and got onto the subject of casual relationships and such.

He's never had one, not even a one night stand which I admire.

I have had casual relationships though and I get the feeling that he's not too impressed even though he said he'd never judge me.

It'd be lovely to have a chance with someone like him who seems gentlemanly, sweet, kind and would treat me right but i'm scared my past , not just that but other things, may put him off.

Help!

[ummmm]

Don't tell him what you don't want him to know. There will be loads of time for that if you hit it off

[4getmenot]

yep I have way too much past and because I live in a small town it affects my past. :-( But hey if they cant take me for who I am now **** em :-)

[devilwoman]

your past is exacly that..... your past, you didnt know him then so it has nothing to do with him and he cant judge u.
its not like you cheated on him or anything, if he's that sweet and gentlemanly ,he'll undrstand you had a life before him, and if he loves you he wont be bothered, if it botheres him then i'm afraid hes not really for you and its not love, so move on.

[dot.hawkes]

Anyone can be anything online or on the phone, it is easy to be anything you want to be. Why would you feel such strong empathy with someone you have not yet even met?

[kwicky]

Looking in the other direction it may be the reason why men prefer virgins. Untouched, unsoiled and moldable.

[liquidspace]

It is exactly why men prefer virgins (especially Virgo's!). My man hates the fact that I have had children and was married before, he finds it very hard to accept my past, even after nearly 5 years of being with him. All men are different so you may find that this one doesnt mind.

[Rubyrose]

Rule one - Lie through your teeth. :o)

[Rubyrose]

Oooh I love the film Chasing Amy.... Good example... might have to watch that later.

[JackDanielsU]

In this day and age you cant win in some peoples eyes

If youve had casual relationships --youre a tart (female)..or of course a "player" if youre a man.

If you havent you can be seen as frigid, or even gay (as a friend of a friend thought I was, after I said I wasnt one for 1 night stands)

But this guy has said he wont judge you (nor should he), and so just go along and have a good time.

[WendyS]

You can only hope that he will judge you on how he finds you now rather than how you used to be. I think the concern for him might be that you might for some unaccountable reason not be able to throw off your past .

We all carry our past with us to a certain extent. The clever people learn from their mistakes, move on and change. Those who are unable to do this just go on continuing to repeat their mistakes and find themselves in the same old messes again. Perhaps what you have to ask yourself now is "Can I feel comfortable living to the same high standards that he has adopted for himself?". If you feel you can, maybe this new relationship will work for you. If you genuinely don't feel comfortable with them, perhaps there isn't a future for you together because this could always be a source of friction in your relationship.
And no, don't lie through your teeth as a previous person has suggested. No genuine lasting relationship thrives on lies.

[China Doll]

Oi Tiddler!! The lovliest guy won't and shouldn't judge you for the person you were or indeed are, our past makes us. And you don't have to give your life story on a first date either.

Go, meet up, have fun and let him meet you. Never lie through your teeth and just be yourself.

And if he doesn't like that, let me know and I'll send the boys round for a word in his shell like if you know what I mean ;0)

[raysparx1]

Hi Jenna,

China is peaking a lot of sense,just be you,and you will be fine,just one thing to say, "There is no future in the past"

You are a really sweet girl,and you deserve to be treated as such. xx

[raysparx1]

even "speaking" but maybe she is peaking.

[wonderwoman1]

Hey J,

Just be you!!!! meet him and have fun...dont stress about your past...like others have said your past is your past so leave it there. He said he wont judge you, and he has no reason to.

I did the same thing with someone i have been chatting to online, i was honest about things and stressed about him thinking less of me, and judging me, but at the end of the day I cant change my past...its happened and i have to deal with that.

You are fab, and he will see that so dont stress babe.

xxxxxxx