My girlfriend wants an Abortion

[Patrick19]

My girlfriend wants to have an abortion. But I don't want her to. I saw papers of hers, about having an abortion and it's made me feel a bit bad. I want to be a father and it seems quite hard. She says it's because I am unemployed at the moment. But she doesn't realise I will be there as a father. It's making me feel terrible the thought of her going to get an abortion.

[dot.hawkes]

being unemployed is the lamest excuse she could give and is just shifting the blame for how worried and scared she is feeling onto you, give her time and space.

[ummmm]

How far gone is she?

This is very hard to answer because her feelings have to be taken into consideration. Although I sympathize with you a lot I also understand that it is hard work bringing up children. I also think it could be harder if she didn't want the child. That is not fair on her or the baby.

You need to sit down with her and have a big discussion about it so you both can weigh up the pros and the cons of parenthood. You will also have to try and understand how she feels.....

[B00]

How old is your girlfriend?
I'm presuming you're only 19?
Can you honestly, seriously say that you are willing to give up on the next 16 years (minimum) of your own life in order to bring up another?

Regrettably as much as I sympathise with you, your girlfriend has the ultimate say in this matter- and if after careful consideration she's decided she's not ready for this monumental life change then perhaps her decision is for the best.

That said though- like previous person has already said, it needs a looooooooooooooong discussion by you both, as once it's done, it's done.

Good luck to you both.

[Daave]

kill it, move on and wear a condom from now on!

if you arent both fully positive and enthusiastic about having the baby then dont.

if you are 19, go out, have fun, dont try and grow up too fast... save babies for when you are older


im gonna get slated for this answer, but dont do what you think is right for her or the baby, i did that, now im landed with child support for a kid im never gonna see...

you might last forever and live happily ever after, but not many people manage that these days, if you do then well done and good luck,

[raysparx1]

Patrick, you relly do need to sit down and talk, I can't see that the only reason she is wanting an abortion is because you haven't got a job,that is a pretty weak reason,and if it really is the reason I can't see much future for you two, and if it is why don't you go and get a job ? if you want to work there is work out there, I feel it goes a lot deeper than that, sit down together and be honest about how you both feel,hope you get it sorted, Ray

[ummmm]

You not having a job is probably an excuse. Not many women like to admit that they do not want the baby they are carrying!

I don't think you should be slated Daave....You are talking from personal experience and we cannot judge you for that!

[Eve]

It is an incredibly hard decision for both of you and even if she goes ahead she may have a hard time dealing with it afterwards.

You're both very young and have plenty of time to start a family, for you to be a father.

It's not an easy decision for her by any means, not just the rest of her pregnancy but for the rest of her life.

Maybe she feels she would rather be in a more stable situation, financially and all sorts of other reasons, and some age and experience behind her before she starts a family.

An unwanted pregnancy can be a heartbreaking decision as she may well want to have children, just not now and in the current position she is in.

You really do need to talk and it may help for you to get some outside help be in individually, together or a mixture of both.

These may help you...

http://www.thesite.org/sexandrelationships/saf ersex/unplannedpregnancy/shouldihaveababy

http://www.mariestopes.org.uk/pdf/unplanned-pr egnancy.pdf

http://www.brook.org.uk/

This one is for me...

http://www.bpas.org/images/pdfs/Men%20Too%20Ma r06%20FINAL.pdf

I hope everything works out for you both x

[Eve]

It is an incredibly hard decision for both of you and even if she goes ahead she may have a hard time dealing with it afterwards.

You're both very young and have plenty of time to start a family, for you to be a father. This is not your only chance.

It's not an easy decision for her by any means, not just the rest of her pregnancy but for the rest of her life.

Maybe she feels she would rather be in a more stable situation, financially and all sorts of other reasons, and some age and experience behind her before she starts a family.

An unwanted pregnancy can be a heartbreaking decision as she may well want to have children, just not now and in the current position she is in.

You really do need to talk and it may help for you to get some outside help be in individually, together or a mixture of both.

These may help you...

http://www.thesite.org/sexandrelationships/saf ersex/unplannedpregnancy/shouldihaveababy

http://www.mariestopes.org.uk/pdf/unplanned-pr egnancy.pdf

http://www.brook.org.uk/

This one is for me...

http://www.bpas.org/images/pdfs/Men%20Too%20Ma r06%20FINAL.pdf

I hope everything works out for you both x

[soft-russian]

Show her pics of an aborted foetus.I am not religious and used to be pro-abortion but after seeing the pics I changed my mind.

[Eve]

It's a matter of personal choice, NOT scare tactics, in response to russian's post.

[sandyg2244]

I dont like these scare tactics, they really **** me off.its only extremists that put these pictures out, usually in the name of religion and very biased in their outlook.At the end of the day, it's the woman's choice, she has to carry this baby and make a very hard decision to comitt the rest of her life to this child.The disturbing propaganda about abortion is usually distributed by men, funnily enough.I can understand a guy's point of view, but ultimately, its her decision.she will have to face whatever repercussions there are, sometimes for the rest of her life.But if its the right choice for her at the time so be it.

[sandyg2244]

Just for the record, NO-ONE is ever pro-abortion, they are PRO-choice.Big difference for such a dilemma!

[Eve]

Another thing to consider is how things would be for you both and the baby if you did change her mind when she didn't want the baby.

She may resent you and even the child and you may find yourself in a worse situation then if you just postponed you family plans for now until you are both ready and have a chance at having a happy family life.

There are a lot of amazing things with having children but the reality is not that one the baby arrives that everything will be perfect, it's very hard work and a lifetime commitment. There is of course of a lot of love but also a lot of sleepless night, worry and all sorts of other issues.

I feel that in a practical sense your girlfriend may be being the sensible one and thinking things through practically which is probably a very hard thing for her to do as her emotions are likely to be all over the place and probably will be for a long time whatever she decides to do.

[Patrick19]

Thank you people. I see a flurry of different answers here. It breaks my heart that she wants to give the baby up. Even more heart-breaking is that I think she's having a mis-carriage. I am very sad about this. But I do love her and I always want to be with her. I respect her like this. I am 19 and she is 31. She is my life. And the thought of being a father was so good. I just envision the family life at my age. It seems odd, but nothing bothers me like the things a regular 19 year-old would be bothered with. Thanks.

[badgerchops]

Why not look for work. If you are working then you have less time to dwell on what is happening, what she is doing, finding her papers etc. it is sad that you are not consulted but the age difference is big between you and she is probably concerned that you are only just out of your own childhood. Show maturity and ask her to grant you time to get a job and improve your lives. She is being sensible thinking 'i want a family' does not pay the bills. you have to get a job if you want a family.

[happygam]

Hi Patrick...I am 32, luckily to be married, but last week we found out that I was pregnant - if I am honest, we were not going to try until some time last year, wanted to get our house in order first, being renovated, so thursday last week was a shock to the system after I did the test, I couldn't think straight, I admit, I thought, do I want this...but after the initial shock, and talking it through with each other we have come around - we are going to the docs tonight to get my due date - talk it through with each other - don't read the scare tactics, ignore them - everybody's situations are different - she may come around, as it was probably a big shock to her...good luck, and I hope it gets sorted out - it isn't an easy situation for the both of you.

[Daave]

patrick, thats a normal teenage attitude, but at 19, to be honest, i wouldnt have thought youve faced much that life has to offer...

shes a bit older than you, meaning , maybe she was waiting to have kids when she was married and settled, maybe you not working and being younger is different to what she has been imagining for the last 20 years of her life,

if i was you, id take this one for the team, and let her do as she wishes, maybe if you are together in a few years and more settled in life you might plan for children, but at the moment it doesnt sound to me like you should dwell on this too much, it was an accident, and maybe it would be for the best to keep the peace,

and women turn into nasty evil hellish biengs when they are pregnant, and everyhitng goes saggy and wrinkly too... (only joking BTW)

[notfrom-oz]

you seem a little different on this thread !