A friend in need...

[4getmenot]

http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Body-and-Soul/Q uestion302575.html I posted this some time ago and have managed to remain friends with both and not talked about one to the other. But on Saturday my long term friend txt me to ask if her lil sis was back with her ex. I told her I had no idea. Her ex used to beat her and when she became pregnant he kicked her out saying it wasn't his, she got away and has lived for the last year without him knowing where she lives. Well my mate had had a call of her sisters neighbour saying that for the past 2 weeks all they have heard is shouting and things being thrown. So when my mate rang Saturday I really did have no idea. So from telling me she didn't want me mentioning her lil sis she's now asking me to find out info on whether she's back with him. What should I do? I don't want to push my new friend away thinking I'm sticking my nose in but I need to know she's ok too.

[redcrx]

regardless of who is your new friend you do your best to make sure you friend is safe, dont worry about whos upset by you being friends with whoever. her safety should come first. Find out for yourself first and then decide whether to pass info on to her sister, after all you dont know if shes taken her ex back or if shes seeing another man with same principles but if shes a friend then you may be able to talk to her and help her

[crete]

good morning girls .

[4getmenot]

She has taken the ex back because the only way I could get hold of her last week was through her mate because he has smashed her phone, which is what he does when her mates txt. She wouldn�t let he aunty in the house Saturday morning and because they are going away next week they are really worried bout leaving her on her own. I don�t want to be going back to big sis and telling her things if she�s going to go back to lil sis and say she knows things because then my new friend will not speak to me. Basically I�ve told big sis its her own life and she has to learn but also I will keep an eye out without her thinking I�m sticking my nose in. That�s all I can do. I just feel so sorry for the little girl, she�d already been moved a total of 13 times before they managed to get away and settle again.

[redcrx]

hi crete, oooh Its nice to be called a girl, Im a bit old for that title really lol
4get, is there anyone who may be able to get her away from her ex. If her sis has any chance of doing it then surely the betraying of her confidence will be worth it in the long run and she will understand.
If it was you who was in an abusive relationship then id do anything I could to get information just to ensure your safety.

[4getmenot]

Her family are not going to take her in again, she has gone back to them so many times before and after a year of them helping and her getting her own place and staying away from him she�s gone back again. If that�s what she wants to do they wont change her mind and they�ll all fall out again. My Mate didn�t see her for a year because the ex wouldn�t let her have any contact with her family. It probably wont be long before I�m not allowed to see her, although havent seen her for past 2 weeks because as I said her phone has been smashed up.

[WaldoMcFroog]

At danger of being trite, & acknowleging this isn't the exact scenario you describe:

Family Business - Fish

I heard a battle raging
On the other side of the wall
I buried my head in a pillow and tried to ignore it all
Every night when I hear you
I dream of breaking down your door
An avenging knight in shining armour to rescue you from it all

From this family business
Family business
How long does it stay
Family business?
Oh, it's nobody's business
This family business
But tell me how long it should stay
Family business?

When I see you in the supermarket
Sunglasses in the shade
Averting your eyes from those staring questions
How were those bruises made
The children clutch tight to your legs
They've got so much they want to say
But daddy's at home drunk again
So they bite their lips and pray
'Cause daddy don't like people prying
Poking in his family affairs
And if anyone ask from the Social, well
You fell down the stairs...

It's family business
Keep-it-in-the-family business
Can you tell me how long it remains
Family business?
Oh, it's nobody's business
This family business
Can you tell me how long it should stay
Family business?

She's waiting at the bus stop
At the bottom of the hill
She knows she'll never catch it
She knows she never will
The kids are all she lives for
She's got nothing left to lose
Nowhere to escape to
But she knows she�s got to move
Cause when daddy tucks the kids in
It's takin longer every night
And the heaven that she's waiting for
Through the hell that lasts all night

It's family business
Keep-it-in-the-family business
Can you tell me how long

[WaldoMcFroog]

(cont...)

It's family business
Keep it in the family business
Can you tell me how long it remains
Family business
Oh, it's nobody's business
Oh, this family business
Can you tell me how long it should stay
Family business?

So I become an accessory
And I don't have an alibi
To the victim on my doorstep
The only way I can justify
It's family business
Family business
How long do we keep it
Family business..?

[4getmenot]

What an eye opening poem, you�re right, this is the reason I have changed my mind and am getting involved. But I know all too well that if you stick your nose in to much they don�t speak anymore, and I cant have her ending up having no-one again. If she stays with him whether he changes or not she has lost her family now.

[redcrx]

she will lose more than her family if she stays 4get.
Do your best for her in case no-one else is bothered. x

[4getmenot]

she is not going to leave. She had a year without him and she's gone back