Scared of going to see the doctor

[worried.me]

I was supposed to get down the doctors today but didnt get up in time to be there to get the first appointments at 8am. I am not very well at the moment with bad cold etc but thats not my reason for going to see the doctor as im sure this will pass in a few days.

So i phoned up at half 9 this morning but all apointments were gone so she said i should come inj at 8 tommorow, i asked which doctors were on and there is one i have seen before who is nice.

I just worry either that he will think i have nothing to worry about or that hye will do the opposite and take drastic action.

I have been feeling very very low of late. I have been suffering with depression for many years but since i finished uni 18mionths ago and moved home i have been really low.

In the last month despite some good news i remain very low.
On the 23rd december i was sent home from work for reasons that i can only describe as an emotional breakdown. In addition to depression i suffer with, IBS and stress and anixity. These three are a really bad combination but the key being that i need to relax but cant. The problem and why i on here is that i have been feeling very sucidal and need to do something about this. Perhaps go back onto anti-depressants?
I could talk to my doctor or counsellor about this but i am really scared they will talk action like telling the police or something.
I talked to my girlfriend the other day when in bed and after a while she started crying and said she could not bear to lose me etc but i had to talk about how worthless i feel she does not agree though i think i am nothing and am so low.

[petes_dragon]

Hi,

Sorry to hear you are feeling so low. I myself have never suffered from any sort of depression, but my husband has had various levels of depression since before I met him twelve years ago, so I can sympathise with what you are going throuh!

You don't say if you are currently on any kind of treatment for this eg anti-depressants etc or if you have been diagnosed with 'depression'. But, there are lots of treatments available and it can be a bit tricky to find the right combination for you.......varying from drugs, therapy, relaxaion techniques etc!

As you say, it can be very difficult to relax, and some people don't have a lot of time for people with depression, expecting you to be able to 'just snap out of it' or to 'cheer up!' . There is certainly no shame in being depressed and there isn't as much stigma attached to it as there has been in the past, but if you see a sympathetic doctor you should be able to come up with a course of treatment that works well for you!

Here are some links that my husband has found useful in the past...

http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?id= 973&type=doc&cn=Depression%20(Unipolar)


http://www.patient.co.uk/showdoc/23068720/


http://www.depressionalliance.org/


Hope this helps

A xXx

[badgerchops]

Hi,
Please be assured that you have nothing to be worried about with seeing the doctor tomorrow. You said that you are confident that the doctor you will be seeing is very nice and so thats a good start if you feel comfortable with them. You are aware that you are at the stage where you need to tell someone about how you are feeling. A doctor will not think you are visiting them for no good reason and will be supportive if you are honest. The chances are is that they will prescribe the anti depressants and offer you support to talk to someone. You must be honest with what you wrote here today and tell the doctor all off your worries. By telling them half truths you will not get the help you need. They will not take control of the situation by calling the police or psych people in, but they will take control by offering you all the support you need, at a pace good for you.

You have a very sensitive and supportive partner who you obviously feel comfortable talking to. Now she knows how you are feeling you wont feel so in the dark with trying to keep yourself afloat with no support.

Look at it as the first step tomorrow morning to getting the help you need. i know its scary telling someone face to face how you feel but this will be the starting block to getting yourself better.

Big love and be strong tomorrow. x

[worried.me]

Thank you.

Although for me this is like going backwards as around 4 years ago it was at the beginning of uni that i was going to the doc feeling suicidal and at my lowest ever ebb. Since then i have been through much counselling and came off anti-depressants last april, it was with this particular doctor that i asked to be taken off them as i thought they were not making any difference. Up until the satarday i was sent home from work 2 weeks ago i did not let my depression interfear with work but it has been like a dam that has broken and i cant cope anymore now.

I live at home at the moment and am not happy with anything in my life. i need to move away from home to flourish but it is not financially possible. the other thing is that i live with my parents and brother and they think i should just pull myself together. they dont agree with anti depressants or me seeing a counsellor.

My current counsellor has really helped me and i managed to open up with some very big issues before christmas and i am wondering if the fact i have been able to do this opened the flood gates for my breakdown at work?

I am also worried about a number of other health things including losing a stone and a half in weight in 9 weeks. i am very thin anyway. i am now just under 10 stone and am 6ft tall. i worry i am going to take too much of the doctors time also.

[badgerchops]

I do think opening the floodgates has brought everything to the surface and this has brought the world on your shoulders.

You may just need anti-depressants for a while whilst you are coping getting back on your feet again. You have to do what is right for you and not worry what your family think. As someone else said 'pull yourself together' comments are not helpful, not appropriate and show ignorance by the people making the comments.

You know that you need something to just get you back on your feet so that you can get back to work, get some savings and move out.

All the other issues are bound to be part and parcel with the depression. Again, something the doctor will be able to assist you with.

You have to just go to the doc, be honest and do what is necessary for you.
x

[badgerchops]

As for worrying about taking too much of the doctors time, please don't be. Yes i know appointment slots aren't long, but that is why things overun at surgeries - sometimes people just need longer. The doctors make provisions for this.

[worried.me]

I am now just doing part time hours where i work so i should have a lot less stress doing only 15 hours a week. But i have been fast tracked for a promotion to section manager so will have to do a test at the end o fthe month then a 4 week assesment period.

What with trying to save money on staffing at work they are asking people to take unpaid time off. I think i can afford (finantically) to do this but not sure my department can cope without me. I worry a lot about letting the side down and not sure if time off would do me any good.

[Eve]

Hey, please don't be worried about going to te doctors.

I've had problems with depression and have always found them great. Believe me, it's something they will have seen very often.

One thing that may help you is to write down what you're feeling and some background and such, whatever you think is relevant and take it in for them to read and use it a basis for the consultation. It's easy to come out feeling that you didn't say what you wanted or needed to and such. Make sure you're honest about feeling suicidal so they can help you approriately. I wouldn't worry about the police and such, if you have any worries talk them through with your doctor.

You could even do it and send it in to them beforehand for them to have a look at. I've done this before and found it very useful.

I found relaxation classes such as meditation and relaxation useful and things like swimming and riding to relax, i suffer from IBS as well.

Good luck and let us know how you get on x

[Lucyd]

Hi there,
I would just like to say that you are not alone... and it's important to know that as I think that during a bout of bad depression it can make you feel so isolated and a burden to others..

Over the past five years I have had nervous breakdowns on and off and my depression last year was similar to yours.. I found the more depressed I became the more of a burden I felt and continually worried about not living up to everyone's expectations.. This consequently caused me to hide away.. I found it difficult to go anywhere and socialise for fear of not being the life and sole of the party and most times I would be shaking like a leaf and could cry over almost nothing.. I think one thing that has helped me a lot is finally realising that it is not a crime to breakdown and to be sad or to need a complete break from everyday life...
I have felt a lot better for about a week now but that is a usual pattern for me until things get too much for me at some stage and it happens again.. But it certainly does help when you allow yourself a break and try to let your life calm down a bit in order to re-gain your inner strength.. I have learnt now to tell my partner and explain my feelings.. If I feel that way at times he now understands that I cant just snap out of it but I need time to rebuild my confidence and allow myself feel low.. At times I encourage him to go out on his own if he wants so that I do not feel like I am obliged to conform to everyday life.. Usually eventually I do start to feel better and it's nice to feel that I have a choice about when I want to get back on track with things..

I really hope this helps

Lucy

[worried.me]

I feel so bad about the way i have handled so many things and just dont feel i deserve anything in life. I am not sure about the relationship with my girlfriend and feel that i am such a jekel and hyde character i am even confusing myself now.

[WendyS]

Please don't feel anxious about going to see your doctor. Just think of it as using the services of another profession person to supply what you need, like you would use a plumber if had water problems, or an electrician if you had electrical problems. So you have health problems, so you see a doctor. Nothing to be ashamed of. We all go there.
Doctors also see a large number of people with temporary emotional and depression symptoms and they will treat you totally confidentially and not contact the police. Ask you doctor if you can be referred to a counsellor if you think this will help. But please do not consider yourself as worthless. You are not and your girlfriend obviously loves you a great deal. If you are near a library , join if you are not already a member, because there are lots of self-help books available on boosting your self confidence, learning how to relax and other Well Being topics. If you browse through them hopefully you will learn lots of new techniques to help you cope better. Just remind yourself that these conditions are usually temporary and whilst they make you feel miserable and low, it is totally possible to overcome them. Also start on a daily basis to practice regular deep breathing exercises. These will help to calm you down and relax which will improve your IBS symptoms. And whilst you are off work sick, try and get out every day for a nice long walk. Being out in the fresh air might also help you feel more relaxed.

[worried.me]

Thanks wendy. I am not off work sick at the moment i am just doing reduced hours because all hours have been cut to ssave money!
I am a member of the libaray but just find it hard to do any reading at the moment as i cant turn off my worry voice inside my head. I have a counsellor i see through the local conextions service once a week, though not seen him for two weeks because the centre was closed for the christmas and new year. i will be seeing him this thursday.
i feel like i am leting people and more especially my manager at work down if i take time off or take it easy so as not to be so stressed that i cant cope. Since the day i was sent home from work all those peoplke who comforted me that day keep asking if i am ok and i just say yes thanks i am a bit better. It feels strnage people asking how i am but because i have always not been depressed at work it seems people think i will be fine soon. It is not that i have not been depressed when at work i have just put on a brave face until it all became too much.
I am also scared that taking time off or getting help and talking to my manager will jeperdise any possible promotion.

[Lucyd]

When I feel depressed I also blame myself fr everything that went wrong in my past.. It makes me hate myself so much.. But when I feel ok I can look back and think maybe I did the best I could at the time or what I thought I should do.. My partner often reminds me that nobody is perfect and we all have things that we feel we have done wrong in the past..

As far as your work is concerned it is probably making it worse that you have that continually worry about not letting tham down.. I did that myself.. But my mum encoureged me to go to the doctors and get some time off.. The doctor was really sympathetic and helpful.. I realised that they are there for more than just giving prescriptions for more obvious medical symptoms.. They are also very good at listening and giving advice.. So please go.. And please give yourself a break..

[worried.me]

Ok thanks i wil try to give myself a break but i have a circle of worry.

I want to exercise to feel better- but am ill with a cold atm so dont want to make it worse- i want to relax more - but worry if i relax i will get behind or miss out.

I have just had a call from my sectionmanager at work and she is keen to get me an interview for a section manager's job at the end of the month. I am shaking like a leaf. The store manager was going to put me on a training course etc but she has spoken to the regiona HR manager and wants to get me into a job asap. But i know i will fail at the interview or maybe i want to then i would be going no where and thats what i am comfortable with. though should i get the job would be a lot of travelling but double my current salary.

[Lucyd]

I used to earn a lot myself but now I don't work as hard.. My mum always said money is no use if you are suffering to earn it.. and I realise that is true.. If you can manage maybe you don't want the extra commitment as you said yourself... Or maybe you could hold off for a while until your health feels better...

With regard to the excercise as Wendy suggested a good walk in the fresh air is such a help.. If you wrap up warm you should be ok.. And deep breathing is really helpful especially if you can't calm down to get to sleep..

[worried.me]

Well i am not bothered by money but it would help me to get out of living at home. well i hope so anyway. I am sure i can do this job its just if i want to do it and if i can cope. if i take time out for 2 or three weeks i should recharge my emotional batteries then try to keep walking and swimming etc.

[Lucyd]

I hope that you do manage to take some time for yourself.. and try not to feel guilty about doing it.. it is no different to anybody else that needs time out for any other medical condition.. I think you have to accept that it takes time to re-build yourself rather than trying to rush or keep up a pretence just to keep other people happy.. please think about yourself more...

Lucy

[badgerchops]

Your line manager and section leader believe in you and obviously see potential. Trust their professional instincts as it is their lead that you are following.

You just need to use the enthusiasm of wanting to move out of your family home to help you show them that you are committed to the company, want a challenge and want to better yourself both in the job and financially.

They want you, they see the prospect of you succeeding - try and take some of their confidence in you to use it for your own self belief.

[kaylamay]

i think an anti depressent/anti anxiety med is in order. Why would they report it to the police that you've thought about suicide? Many many people think about killing themselves on a daily basis, but they dont and we go on. I take an anti anxiety myself and it helps tremendously. Depression is no fun and there is no reason to suffer from it when there is help available. Who can think clearly and rationally when they are depressed. Get help and do not worry what they will think. When we need help we should get it and thankfully their are people out there to help us. IBS is no fun either. GET HELP!
Good Luck!
MIkala

[badgerchops]

Hi there
How did you get on this morning?
Shannon