Regrets ... is really possible to live without them?

[leecamowol]

I know it's said you should live your life with no regrets but is it really possible to do? Is there anyone else out there like me who has (now at age 24) constanting regrets from 10 years previously which have shaped my current life?

I mean to give a whirlwind tour. I never "went out" as a teenager, avoiding all social activities (i.e. parties) etc ... mainly as I followed a conform to my parents rule (they wanted me to do well and discouraged social things) so eventually when I go off to uni as a unconfident, social lacking lad I find wonderful people but my social problems still exist. First year at uni I return home every weekend. During the week I go to lectures (and occasional general chilling out in the evening in others rooms) but when it came to going out (to the union, pub etc) I still avoided it. I fell for a wonderful girl who (despite my state and my intial confusion over my sexuality!) remains so encouraging and considerate but 3 years down the line (+ an engagement), quite understandably, shes had enough of trying. So many false promises, false intentions. So we've parted ... still on friendly terms I add but I can see why she can't see a future in us.

I now look back and think I've blown the chance of the proper student experience. When people mention what life must of been like as a student, I have to sit there and think "well it wasn't like that for me". She says that I would make a better student now than I was which is testament to her.

I'm still looking for something in my life. It might suprise some people but I tell no lie my current life is:

Wake up same time everyday --> Go to work --> Come home, have some tea and spend evening on computer/watching TV

[leecamowol]

What can I do with myself? I've looked at things like evening classes but I end up turning that into a serious learning thing and concentrate on the work bit and not the social bit. The rare works nights out are very uncomfortable for me, I've not been to pub/club enough to feel comfortable which at my age people must be horrifed with. I do believe proper visits to pubs/clubs in my lifetime is around or under 20!!

Can anyone offer advice? I just have so many regrets and wish I had done things differently and maybe I would still have the wonderful wife to be etc I do admit I would love to go out regularly because after a decent night and some drinks in me I did enjoy it. The getting there and the initial period I have the problem. But now also I have the issue of friends etc. I'm living in a new town (moved for the new job) where I only obviously people at work (which the majority are older and/or don't live in this town) and thats it. I have two friends from uni who live away who I text occasionally.

Sorry for the depressing post. Any advice??

[buzybee]

Regret is a sin which lurks its conscience bound. Regret is a sin that is typically found. Regret is a sin that only you can hear its pinning sound.
Why bother?

someone is thinking of u, ur not alone x

[Eve]

Nobody's perfect and I think that there are always and always will be things that we could have done differently.

Just leave the past in the past where it belongs and try to concentrate on making the future the way that YOU want it.

Especially don't have regrets about you not being the person that other people want you to be. Not everyone is into socialising and partying to a great extent. So long a it's not for any other medical reason such as depression, agoraphobia etc...

Don't let you past creep into and affect your future in an adverse way.

If you want to start getting out and about and doing things then go for it, maybe you will, maybe you won't but just make sure it's right for you.

My parents hardly ever go out or anything like that, they're not really sociable people and it works for them. Don't think that everyone's out partying all of the time cos most of us aren't, that's what I and I'm sure many other people do on a daily basis.

Hope everything work out ok for you :) x

[littleone85]

I'm with you with the regrets thing:
-I should have done more work experience when I was at uni
- i should have worked harder at uni
- I should have started saving to buy a house earlier
and too many more to list....

I agree with the saying that you should live a life without regrets, you can't change what happened then , so why worry about it now? but at the same time if we never regretted anything we'd never learn from our mistakes.

I think the best thing to do is just keep pushing yourself to get out there ( I know thats really lame and obvious and probably far much harder to actually do) but theres no alternative really.
I feel sorry for you being in a new town and not really knowing anyone, is there maybe a hobby that you could use to meet people? Book Club? Sports Team? As for evening classes, you seem to be a very academic type so i'm assuming you probably choose rather academic subjects to study, why not try a cookery class or something else with a less formal academic style? I did a Beginners Japanese evening course last year and although my Japanese is still absolutely awful, I met a lot of new people and I went to lots of different Japanese restaurants for dinner with my class, plus practicising conversations with eachother in class broke the ice. Alternatively, how about joining a local residents association or something? Hope this helps, x

[raysparx1]

I might be wrong but I think you need to seriously decide what you want out of life,this might sound irresponsible and i will be slated for it but you do not sound one bit happy to me, so if I was you I would pack my job in, get a working visa and get my butt out to Australia, go and see the world you are young at the moment in the blink of an eye you will be 40 with a wjfe and kids, do it now while you are young, life is for living, you should have done more than you have and I strongly believe it is better to get these things out of your system before settling down, don't regret what you haven't done, get up and do it, if you don't want to travel then that is fine,but think about what you do want then go for it whatever it is, have a dream and live the dream, goog luck, Ray

[raysparx1]

Even "Good" Luck !!

[smurfchops]

Life is what you make it, how about looking in your local newspaper and seeing what activities there are, possibly at the weekends? My local paper has walking tours of the town, just get yourself along there, someone will always speak to you, especially if you just smile. You can pretend to be more confident than you are, in fact it will give you more confidence when you chat to people, even comments to someone in the supermarket queue, there are so many lonely people out there just like you. How about some type of voluntary work, perhaps one evening a week or weekends, and just smile and chat. The best of luck to you - let us all know how you get on. Get up out of that chair !! xx

[curlyperm]

Hi lee, oh i could have wept when i read your post, you poor man, you sound so so unhappy?
However i am totally with raysparx on this one, 24 is still very young (dont know where my last 20 years went??)
i beleive that you should ONLY regret the things you havent done, and i know its a cliche but life really is too short, you seem to be just going through the motions in everything you are doing, like work etc, and jenna is right, we are most certainly not all out partying everynight, christ, to get out once a fortnight would be good! : )
would you not consider the travelling thing?
i know i went to europe when i was 20 to be (what was then called) an Au-Pair (couldnt stand kids at all) but i just did it for the experience, didnt really enjoy it at the time but when i look back now............ i wouldnt change it.
Even if you dont fancy Australia, why not somewhere a bit nearer, nobody will know you and if you feel the need to 'change' yourself then it would be a good opportunity, but i think you need to look deeper within, cos it appears that you have a pre-conception of what you think you 'should' have turned out like......... just because you went to uni, dont typecast all students, their not all out on the town everynight getting p$$$ed, contrary to what you might want to think, if you look closer there are probably a lot of people just like yourself, dont try to conform 'cos you can only be who you are, you sound to me as if you think you dont live up to other peoples expectations, when in reality they are probably not EXP[ECTING you be be anything other than what you are?
Sorry if this is going on a bit, its difficult to advise without it sounding like one of your many lectures, its just that as i sit here typing, my very own past is running through my mind and boy oh boy do i wish i was your age again!!
Dont waste it whatever you do!!
The best of luck in whatever you decide x

[chicklin]

Right! This is your life and you only get one go at it so instead of regretting all the things in your past ( that you can't change) resolve not to continue down the same road in the future. As has already been said you are still well young enough to change things - you're not an old married man with ties yet. You're as free as you want to be so now is the time to go for it!
What have you got to lose? Your shyness? Your dissatisfaction with how your life is? Your regrets that you didn't ever do something about it?
Life never waits for you, it just carries on regardless. So you either drift along as you are and then in another 24 years say 'oh, I've wasted the last 48 years of my life' or you can look back and say 'Wow! where did the last 24 years GO?!' because you'll be enjoying it so much.
None of us can change the past but we can change the future - so take that first step. That'll be the hardest one, then after that it'll get easier and better! Go for it ! And Good Luck!

[Ree0909]

i agree with the last post, you can have a new start, think of it as the begining. new town, new friends etc.. why not look up organisations such as spice uk, which is an activity based group, not dating!! you can go to events on your own and hook up with others who have also gone on there own. You will soon have a new circle of friends. Best of Luck

[curlyperm]

well i'll say it just in case he's 'forgotten' thanks for all your advice and taking the time out to REPLY!!!!

[leecamowol]

Thanks all.

I've started looking at some travelling websites.

Also Ree, Spice Uk looks good. I might give them a go.

My first priority is learning to drive as that can open up a world of opportunities for me.

Once again thanks all for the posts, they're much appreciated.

[chicklin]

Way to go!! Good for you! Make 2007 the year you remember as when you started your new (happier) life. x

[chicklin]

PS - Driving is a VERY good start.

[smeghead81]

Same here, in my second yr at uni i lodged in a house with two lads who were four or five years younger than me.. they used to go out for mate's birthdays and the likes. They invited me but i always made an excuse or 'cried wolf' as the expression goes. For me, being a 25 yr old i have grown out of 'partying' and there was a time when i had a good job and a great social life, i went out drinking most nights of the week but sadly those times have ceased. You're not the only one, there are quite a few people out there who aren't really social animals.. dont let it get to you! People are different, and that's UNIQUE!

[smeghead81]

What i am saying is that i'm not much of a binge-drinker like all the other students, who get dragged into it (peer pressure i presume). I, myself, would rather sit at home with family or g/f (possibly) and watch tv with a beer etc etc than stand in a stuffy niteclub trying to have a conversation with someone i dont know that well, whilst having to shout at them and not being able to hear what they're saying. Am just starting my third year and , alas, wished i had stayed in halls in my first year (but i chose not to). That i regret! :-)