pregnant at 17!

[pregnant-s]

im 17 and 8 weeks pregnant.
i want to keep it but i have doubts now and then about having a abortion because the babys father isnt around and i dont have a job or anything but i do have a really surportive family.but they just say its your choice,which is the only thing they can say really has anyone else had trouble trying to decide this? and what did you do?

[ummmm]

wow....I want your user name.....!!!!

[netibiza]

Dear pregnant-s , you have so much to consider, if you keep the baby, it will be hard and probably rewarding, but you must realise that nights out and discoing etc will be few and far between, hopefully you will one day find a man love you both . If you have an abortion, yes very a sad time, and you will always wonder "what if" but you will be able to go on with a normal life (I don't mean to upset other single parents it's the only way I can explain myself) ie colege, parties, travelling working and going out. Then there's adoption, an even more sad process, yes you'll be free to do everthing you want , but everytime you see a child of the right age you'll wonder "is that mine", there again when the child is 18yr they can get in touch, and maybe your husband and other children won't know about him/her, which then makes it awkward all round. It is your choice and has to be your choice so that you cannot blame anyone else later on for the wrong decision, think about what you can offer your baby (love is the greatest gift of all) but also you have to be able to provide it with all the things necessary for a good stable life. I wish you all the luck in the world it's going to be very hard whichever road you take. Take care xx

[pregnant-s]

thanks netibiza

[Dolly1308]

Why not decide to have the Baby adopted rather than a termination? There are quite a few people I believe who cannot have children and would dearly love to adopt a baby .Think about it .

[nat_84]

i'm 22 and my boss told me to adopt... or "seriously think about adopting". (he was adopted)

He made me sooo upset. He also had the cheek to say "there are plenty of MIDDLE CLASS couples that can't have children that want to adopt".

I was like 'so bloody what, there are plenty of WORKING CLASS couples that also cant have children' (obviously didnt say that to him, but thats what i was thinking....lol).

I think adoption is a very difficult thing, i for one, would never be able to cope mentally knowing that the baby i carried for 9 months is being brought up by another family..

Obviously i see the benefits of adoption...and some children have had the life that some people can only dream of due to adoption.

It is good to consider your options though....

[pregnant-s]

to dolly..if i had the baby i dont think id have it in me to get it adopted.but i feel "mean" bringing A child into the world knowing i might not be able to surport it financally

[netibiza]

There is also the option of fostering. Other people bring up your child until you are able to manage. You visit whenever and the child knows you are mummy, but will probably love the foster parents more as they will be the stable ones in it's life. I have been a foster mother and it hurts all round when the child leaves.

[alijangra]

My best friend was left by her absolute sod of a husband when she was 6 months pregnant and already had a child of 18months. 18 years later she is 42 years old, she trained to be a nurse, is now in management of a large private healthcare company. She owns her own home and has two wonderful teenage sons who love her and respect her. Just because you become a single mum does not mean you have to resign yourself to a life on benefits (obviously you will at the start), accept the help you can get now and you will have every opportunity to pay back into the system at a later date, providing that you want to. Life is not a dress rehearsal, you only get one chance so make sure you do what is right for you, do not be bullied into anything by someone who tells you that you are worthless! People who think they are better than others are the real worthless ones.

[pregnant-s]

thanks alijangra

that answer really helped,i think im going to feel guilty if i bring a child into the world when ihave no money atm.
but i doubt ill be able to cope with adoption or abortion

[Skreecheeboy]

Glad to hear you've made up your mind and don't forget about the Child Support Agency for the absent father, it's a good idea to keep up dialogue with him as he'll be able to baby sit when you need a bit of peace.... Good luck Pregasaurus!

[MrBen5]

Hmmm, have i come in too late for my views...

[pregnant-s]

i have not made a final decition.also the babys father is not allowed to see his child! he has had trouble with social serives with his family before.

so your views are still very welcome :D

[jedimistress]

What??? He has a child already? Or can't see your child? Is this is a windup?

I had a termination at 17 while I was at University. The dad was my boyfriend from back home. It was my first time and I only found out after we had split up & I was in London. I never considered keeping it and have never felt guilty. Maybe I sound harsh but I guess people take things differently. It was not the right time for me OR A BABY at all. I was in total shock.

Decide what you like but I lean towards Joe's points.