depressed....

[sair5412]

And when people say, "just think of all those people worse off than yourself." I do that and then feel terribly guilty and upset that i am feeling like this when yes... there are other people in worse situations so i shouldnt feel like i do and i must be terribly selfish to moan about my life.

I feel like i am going mad or i am going to explode or cry myself to death. I have been going back to different doctors on and off for 6 years and i have never got better in the long term. I know people will say to take the tablets and probably tell me i shouldnt be surprised i still feel like this if i am not taking them, but feeling emotionless is horrible. Maybe i enjoy feeling like sh*t? I don't know. Does anyone have any advice or websites or helplines or ideas for ways of dealing with everything? Supplements? Books? Anything.

So sorry this is such a garbled load of rubbish but that describes my brain!

[redcrx]

what have your GPs offered by way of help? have they offered councelling, a dietician?

[Tiny E. A]

Perhaps you would be better off telling your doctor absolutely everything. They wouldn't take your son away, nothing you've said has suggested you would harm him. The doctor can only give an accurate diagnosis and therefore offer correct help if they know everything, if you keep things from them you only get half a diagnosis and half the help you need.

[redcrx]

sorry i hadnt seen the first 2 posts you made. They may have been better on one thread to allow people to see it in one hit.
You need to continue with counselling. Try and look at your diet and find a cause or a trigger for the IBS too as this wont help you feel better about things whilst its bad.

[crete]

hi sair, you must stop feeling guilty about being depressed, if you had a broken leg would you feel pain ? its just the same unfortunately mental health problems are always viewed differently, other peoples situation are not your problem when you feel like this ,you dont like feeling like shi& but at the moment you have no control over your emotions ,id keep in contact with the professionals and tell them how you REALLY feel instead of telling them what you think they want to hear, do you have any support at home at the moment ?

[sair5412]

It's just me and my son. My family lives nearby but i feel like a failure when i admit or cry in front of them. My mum came round this morning and i know she gets frustrated with me and feels like i am putting pressure on her and my dad. She has problems of her own and i know i irritate her. I can someimes tell her stuff and then it will turn into and arguement and i will feel worse. My dad looks at me like i'm a nutter and just says i have to change and look at the positives. My brother doesnt bother with me at all and can be very critical and nasty. And that's it really! That is my support network.

[crete]

sair do you have a friend who would be suportive to you ?

[sair5412]

I feel my friends need to think of a solution for me and get frustrated with me when everything they say, i say "yes but..." I also don't want to moan so much that they back off all together and leave me to it. One friend who i can talk to is also depressed so we can kind of talk about stuff. But then i feel like i will make her worse if i am depressed around her. I don't trust people either so the thought of telling my deepest thoughts and feelings to someone who might tell someone else, is scary.

[skyep]

s'air - I think your doctor might be able to point you to a 'depression support group in your area, please ask your doctor! A sypathetic group that knows what you are experiencing may be just what you need. Also, go to your local library & look under the health section for books on depression. It isn't nice to feel like that!

[crete]

hi sair i think it has been very brave of you to ask these questions today, but remember no one on this site is a professional and we only give our views, even other posters who have been depressed their experience will be different to yours, id suggest you talk to a professional person and dont be afraid to be honest, you may think what you are saying is rubbish but it isnt., i wish you all the best please keep in touch.

[sleepyj]

sair sorry to hear your having a rotten time at mo . how about doing some exercise it really can help you feel better . i have had a really bad month but think it helps just to have a nice walk a day . good luck

[badgerchops]

i get the whole sensitive jumpy to noise part. when i am stressed and unhappy i get irritable at the slightest thing. i have no control over my anger and it could be the slightest thing like my dad slurping his tea (and thats when i am in their house and i dont live there but i feel i should comment).

If i am having a 'moment' then i cannot watch people eat or drink. thats the noise that bothers me when i am stressed - so strange. i just lose patience with people but the real thing is i am losing patience with myself.

i think you are the same in that you are taking your frustration out on others. Your parents are adults and can cope with it but its not fair on a child, your son. You need to talk to someone (GP, counselling) to get it out of your system. Why not approach the GP and say that you need to talk to someone desperatly so they refer you. its not much money if a GP refers you and worth it. You then know that once a week you can go to the counseller and pour your heart and mind out and then go home and keep it in all week to make others happy around you.

If you know you can let it all out once a week then it will help. Also why not start a journal. - rather than getting irritable with others, write it down. write anything you want to get it out there. you'll find it breaks the temper. Get yourself a big A4 pad and fill one page a day with your thoughts. it needs to be about you working thru it and not involving your child.

if you carry on taking it out on him he will be a nervous wreck and walking on egg shells his whole life with you.

[crete]

badger, writting your thoughts down on paper is a great idea,

[Mammar]

Sair - first of all - well done!
It must have taken a lot for you to bare all to us and, to me, that is already a good positive step you have made.
Look down at all the love and caring that comes out of these answers for you. You've got us. Every one of those AB'ers cared about you. No, we're not professionals and you need those too, but we will be here for you.
Have you accepted that what you're going through is an illness? Who you are now is not the real you - it's the "ill" you and illnesses do come to an end. Be kind to yourself. You are ill. Every day you fight through is another day nearer the end of the illness.
When you've read all these posts (as many times as you like! they're not fattening!) congratulate yourself that you've done something really positive and go give that lovely son of yours a cuddle for me (or for you, if you prefer) and tell him you love him.
And I'm sending you a cuddle - come back here for it any time you like.
I don't know how to type a cuddle - ( ) - will that do?
x x x

[Lonnie]

I understand totally how you feel, but you have to remember, the most impertant person in the world, is yourself, because if you don't look after yourself, you can't look after your dependants, ie, your son.

Forget everyone who is worse off than you, if you can't help them, there's no point in worrying about them, a good start, is to not read any newspapers, or watch the tv news, (so depressing in itself) I know thats hard, but do try.

Apart from that, I won't give you any advice, the above posts have given you plenty.

I really wish you well for the future, and hope things work out. 'L'

[yummymum]

Can i ask what is the longest time you have ever taken the tablets for??

[peppy]

Hiya sair, feel SO sorry for you, you have just described me for the last 10 years.
Do you suffer from pains or aching in your limbs etc ?
If you've already mentioned this, forgive me as I am in a rush.
Please answer as I may know exactly who you should see,and if it's what I think I guarantee she can get you there.
And don't think that cos it's taken me 10 years that it will you, I am the exception !!

[sair5412]

Thank you so much for all your replies and the support. It means more than i can express in my words.

yes peppy, my muscles and joints in my legs and ankles ache and today i have really sore skin to touch, like bruised and sunburn mixed together. My clothes hurt on my skin.

yummymum, the longest i took them at one time was 6-7 months.

[peppy]

Right then sair, how do we go about communicating with each other over and above this forum. I really feel I can help you chicken, but don't know how to do it without direct ( email or text ) contact.

Anyone else know how ??

[sair5412]

peppy, [email protected]

Thank you so much.

[sleepyj]

msn