Men (mainly) - your views?

Sasha13 | 12:13 Wed 04th Apr 2007 | Body & Soul

45 Answers

Right - long story short as it's been told before (except the last bit):

Started seeing someone. He decided he didn't want a relationship just sex. Fine by me. Been meeting up every couple of weeks (nearly always at his suggestion) for 6 months. Texts me last Sat. night asking if I'm up for some. I say no for the first time in ages. He replies that he wasn't in the area anyway. I go out on a date on Sunday with someone else. Load of his friends see me out. with guy no. 2. Now he's practically ignoring me. Fairly sure he will have found out about date.

Question is; do you think he's trying to do the right thing by backing off when there's another guy on the scene or is he pi$$ed off with me?

Men II

Carrots help suntan?

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Sasha13

Question Author

Thank you ummm.... that's what I was looking for.

-- answer removed --

opera winfre

So from what youre saying he set the rules and you just did as you were told.
Then you changed the rules and saw someone else.
I bet he is pd off.
Why change the rules now after all this time?

Octavius

I'd ring him now for a quick sesh before the female ABers have him castrated.

ummmm

Sorry, forgot you can't say p!ssed

Sasha13

Question Author

I didn't do what I was told. I made a decision to carry on seeing him occasionally according to the ground rules that he laid out.

I haven't changed those rules at all! I'm just playing by them.

Sasha13

Question Author

LOL Octavius!

4getmenot

he laid ground rules!!! why would you follow anybody elses rules but your own

opera winfre

I wonder if he agrees with you?
Im quite sure he doesnt otherwise why is he pd at you?
Or do you honestly think hes trying to do the right thing?

opera winfre

Exactly my thoughts if he laid the rules that makes him the boss and ultimately in charge.
I prefer to not be dictated to by anyone.
Makes for an even relationship.

Octavius

Is it impossible to grasp the concept that women just like sex for sex sake?

You were using each other for the purposes of �ad hoc intimacy� and from the very outset it was clear that this is all he wanted. This works fine, but when you met someone he doesn�t respond to you.

I don�t get why (from responses here) he should be lynched and you outcast as immoral for carrying on with your arrangement.

The question you have asked m�dear is one that can really only be answered by the luck sod who meets a woman who is happy to agree to this arrangement! Find out why he is behaving suchlike by asking him outright. You might find that as you are back on the scene your unique relationship can recommence.

Sasha13

Question Author

4getmenot - I think everyone follows someone elses rules to an extent when involved in a relationship. I have seen relationships where the girl wants to get married but the bloke doesn't yet - isn't she just playing by his rules if she continues the relationship?

I was quite happy to see him without having a relationship as I enjoyed the time we spent together (which was almost always in bed).

opera winfre - I think he's annoyed for the reasons that ummm has laid out. I just wanted other people's views.

However some people seem to have taken it as an opportunity to attack a personal decision I made in my life. All I was after was some people's inputs into what could be going through his head!!!

Sasha13

Question Author

Thank you Octavius - I thought I was going mad!!!!

opera winfre

Im not taking sides if thats how im coming across then i apologise.
It just looks to me like he was the boss now youve rebelled against his rules. therefore hes a bit pd.
Is he wrong?
Were you wrong to have this arrangement? well i guess whatever floats your boat works for you.
But you do seem bothered by his reaction.
Then again have you done as octavius said and got in touch with him to ask him?

4getmenot

but thats its you put when involved in a relationship. Where this doesnt seem to be a relationship. I'm not having a go or a personal attack at all, as I said I used to do exactly the same, but realised in the end what a fool I was and how meaningless I felt. I just thought from your question that you were really into this bloke as you wanted to know if you might have annoyed him.

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Sasha13

Question Author

Thank you opera winfre.

No I haven't got in touch to speak to him about it.

I don't believe I have done anything wrong by seeing someone else and I'm not going to humour him by asking him if he's annoyed by it. If he feels that strongly about it I'm sure he'll mention it to me.

I wanted to get an insight into what's happening as people may have been able to come up with other reasons as to why he's now be ignoring me. In which case I may have made the first move to clear the air.

4getmenot

so if he said it has annoyed him what will you say to him?

opera winfre

Is there such a thing as a realationship 100%sex and no feelings at all?
Or is that prostitution that youre talking of?Because im sure there must be some feelings otherwise what is the attraction?
Only base animal instinct?

Sasha13

Question Author

Don't worry, I'm not some love struck 16 year old loosing sleep over this.

I'm not really into him and if you read a previous qu I posted on this (I wouldn't, even I'm getting bored of the subject) you'll see that I've said I wouldn't choose to have a relationship with him.

That being said I do like him (couldn't sleep with him if I didn't). We have discussed feelings in the past, but not lately.

If I try to raise the subject with him I believe he would clam up and say he's just been busy.

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