Okay, let's rephrase this - any constructive advice would be appreciated.

[Janetex]

A 12 y.o., often in our care, came to us for advice about his diet, constantly sick with the nickname ET, he wanted to gain weight and muscle. We often witnessed the reprimands from his mother when he 'stole' HER yoghurt, fruit, vegetables, fish, etc, he was told to eat cake instead. Doctor visits ceased once blood tests were suggested. I have grave concerns for his sister who is constantly sick and had her hand smacked for trying to pick broccoli, carrot and capsicum from a dish on the table meant only for her mother & guests. Almost 11, she cannot yet manage a knife and fork. Can anyone suggest anything that might help?

[archbishop]

I'm not a fan of Social Services but it sounds like they should be involved.

[coemgen]

Most definitely. This is very worrying and suggests some weird eating disorder syndrome.

[woofgang]

At the risk of alienating your friend, if you are going to involve the authorities, could you express your concerns to the mum first or do you think that she might do something drastic...also how is big brother now, did the suggestion of blood test do permanent good or is he still ailing?

[inferno]

The child has asked you for help - and it is unusual for a child of that age to take a problem to someone outside their immediate family. You have attempted to raise it with the mother - but perhaps not directly enough. Why not a straightforward conversation raising your concerns? If that does not ease your anxieties and you still feel that the health and well-being of the children is at risk you really should take your concerns to the local authority social services department.

[incitatus]

you are describing serious child abuse. it is not only best to raise your concerns directly with the mother AND social services, it is simply your legal duty to do so.

[Tat]

i think you really should call Social Services; this is a form of child abuse and the sooner it's put right the better. this age is a key stage in their development and they will grow up with health problems if not properly nourished now. also eating disorders are something you never properly get over and they may never have a 'normal' relationship with food again (trust me on this one - i've been there) but the sooner they get help the better. be strong, think of the kids rather than your friendship - she may be depressed and not really realise how harmful her behaviour is. good luck xx

[Miss Zippy]

Do you have mutual friends who have also aired their concerns and who could also try and talk to her? Failing that, I agree with most of the other answers, which is that SS should be involved. It's understandable that you'll feel that you're betraying your friend, but we're not talking about dobbing someone in because they haven't taxed their car or something; based on what you say there appears to be a serious and negligent lack of care going on here which could seriously and permanently harm these children, both physically and emotionally.

[darth vader]

Social Services. lose a friend or lose a child - it's a tough choice i know but you can't stand by and do nothing. maybe in time the friend will come round and realise how you helped her when she didn't realise she needed it. It will get worse before it gets better, but you're doing the right thing (for the children's sake)

[harold&maude]

Janetex - one word. Interfere. Now. Be a nosey parker - mind your friend's business, air her dirty laundry in public. So many children carry on being abused and neglected because other people mind their own business. It IS your business and ours too, she doesn't OWN these children, she simply gave birth to them.

[archbishop]

Just realised Janetex, are you in Australia and are the social services different to over here?

[brawburd]

Most child abuse enquiries (where a child's death has resulted) indicate a number of people who had information but for various reasons didn't want to act. I agree with ignoramus that a child's diet may not be a sign of abuse per se. What concerns me is that janetex is clearly close to this family and knows them well enough to feel something is very wrong. Act on your instinct janetex if you feel these children are at risk. Why don't you phone your local social work area team and ask to speak to the duty worker from the children and families team? Get some advice and support, they will decide whether further action is needed..

[brawburd]

ps janetex, don't be thinking the social work department will run in and take these children away, their job is to keep families together and they will do this by offering a whole range of support services. Ultimately there is some sort of underlying problem here and you know it needs to be sorted.

[apricot]

How would you feel if something serious happened to these children and you had had concerns but did nothing?

[rinkydink]

I would also add, if you inform social services, don't think your responsibility ends there. You need to follow it through and check they are doing their jobs - as quite often they don't. Make sure you keep an eye on the situation.