Desperately Seeking... Affairs

[sandrajo]

Seen this being discussed on telly this morning. What do you think. Is it ever acceptable to have affairs behind your partners back? Is there a difference between meeting someone by chance in a bar and falling in love, and actively seeking out people online for sex? Or are people who do either both just cheats? What if you're single and the other is married, are you less to blame?

[andrea81]

Hmmm.... by the sounds it loyalty (or rather) dis-loyalty is fast becoming a comodity! I suppose it depents on the partnership, could be a way of getting something out of their system as I know a couple who went through that and now they're stronger than ever!

Personally, I wouldn't ever do it, but I'm happily married! think if one is single and the other is married, the one who is single does have some responsibility, but it takes two to tango!

[jeanette1976]

My previous flatmate was 45 and married for 20yrs with 2 grown up kids. He had friendly relationship with wife but no spark... in fact, she only had sex with him 7 times in the last EIGHT YEARS!!!!!! He moved to Newcastle with new job, new woman flew over from USA to start work, they went for friendly drink and he never came back to our flat!!!! He moved into hers on the first night and now seekking divorce from wife but letting her keep everything.... I was totally against affairs of any sort but he was upset for a long long time and was simply going to give it another year to see what happened before splitting... and all this happened. It's difficult to split with something you've been used to for so long and sometimes you need a push. I think this drink with another woman made him realise he was holding onto something that wasn't going anywhere. And as mush as it isn't fair on his wife, it also isn't fair on him... and it wasn't a seedy s*ag with a one night stand.

[MrBen5]

Hmmm, i dont think there is any good reason to cheat.
It just shows how weak you are.
i think you should have the decency to end the relationship if your not happy.
Also i think the blame thing works both ways. If your single and he is married, your just as much to blame as you know what your doing.
From my own personal view, i dont think its acceptable to cheat no matter what excuse you may think you have for doing so...

[tiny e.a]

I do think there is a moral difference between seeking people out for an affair and happening to meet someone who you fall inlove with and have an affair with. Both are cheating and both indicate that there is something wrong with the marriage, or that at the cheating partner at least, feels dissatisfied with marriage.

I think seeking people out to have an affair with is quite seedy and that if you want to act like that you may aswell have never got married so that you could live this lifestyle as a single person without hurting anyone else.

Those who fall inlove in love with someone and so have an affair are being decietful but I think sometimes things like this happen and that it doesn't make the person a bad person. It would be favourable carry out the relationship after you've broken up with your husband/wife but it doesn't always work that way.

I don't think a single person dating a married person has any responsibilities to that persons partner although I don't think I'd be comfortable doing it.

[cruella]

NO way!!! I think it is totally wrong whatever the circumstances.
You have to have trust, loyalty and respect and I feel it does not matter under what circumstances people meet, it is a no no in my book.

[Myriad2112]

yes but it's good fun though

[confused79]

its never acceptable to have affairs, if you feel the need to have them then leave your partner/wife etc., first going behind someones back shows your weak and selfish.

If you know you want someone else then end the relationship first.

It may be fun as you say myriad212 but it aint much fun for the innocent one ay, shows how self centred someone is if they think its fun!!

[sandrajo]

very well put confused79, my feelings exactly :)

[confused79]

also no one is less to blame than the other, say one being single and other married.

My ex told the girl who made a pass at him from the start he was married and had three kids, difference i would say is he was the guilty one to me, she didnt owe me nothing but she knew what she was getting herself into from the start and knew who it was affecting and didnt care. They were both to blame!

[Myriad2112]

I knew a guy who used to sleep around and twell his g/f details when they were in bed - she liked it!

[MrBen5]

Hmmm, but myriad2112 is it cheating if they both agree that they can sleep around???

[Myriad2112]

not if she doesn't mind,I used to think she just didn't WANT to know, turned out it turned her on

[confused79]

sounds like a nice girl.......................... not.

but whatever floats her boat

[cazzz1975]

I think if you embark on any kind or relationship whilst still with someone it is wrong..there are no grey areas, mittigating circumstances ect...

If you want to sleep around then end it with your husband/wife first.

it sounds black and white but I am that kind of person, I dont believe cheats ever can be rehabilitated, once a cheat always a cheat. If a man did that to me he would be curtain

[Myriad2112]

but what if you need someone sexy and exciting to sleep with and you still want your dinner ready when you get home :)

[cazzz1975]

then you rediscover what you liked about your partner...if you cant you end it and hire a cook :)

[Myriad2112]

yeah but you have to pay a cook

[cazzz1975]

you must be quite the catch...

[RALLYMARK]

i am loyal to my partner
whats the point in having a partner if you cheat on them. if you aren't happy with the one you are with then. split up and move on. it only causes unhappiness playing around and lifes too short to cause unnessisary grief