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Funerals: Burial or Cremation?
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Which do you prefer? And if you prefer cremation, may I ask, please, what would you like done with your cremains? (ashes).
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Pity my poor late father-in-law, whose widow had his ashes interred in the family plot alongside her own mother. This wouldn't have been so bad had she been destined to 'go there' herself (there's still one space left in the grave). But, oh no! She's since decided she wants her ashes scattered off a cliff somewhere. So that poor bloke is now shut up in the ground with his mother in law for all eternity, and by all accounts she never liked him very much when she was alive. He often joked that we should have his ashes put into an egg timer and thus keep him working. I sometimes wonder if that wouldn't have been a better option for him.
Still, at least mother-in-law wants me to do the scattering because, she says, she knows I've always wanted to push her off a cliff.
Me? I have that fear of burial alive that others have expressed here, so I want to be cremated. Then I want half my ashes scattering on the line at Norbiton station, and the other half scattering into the River Thames at Southwark.
Still, at least mother-in-law wants me to do the scattering because, she says, she knows I've always wanted to push her off a cliff.
Me? I have that fear of burial alive that others have expressed here, so I want to be cremated. Then I want half my ashes scattering on the line at Norbiton station, and the other half scattering into the River Thames at Southwark.
Hey again Beryl�catching up�Funerals�oh my yes�more than you know! Sometimes I feel like the grim reaper!
http://bigworldsmallboat.blogspot.com/2006/03/ falling-in-love-at-clapham-junction.html
Music is interesting..I�ve had the run from Nessun Dorma to Nellie the Elephant! (I kid you not!) I�ve had a man request that I play �Smoke Gets in Your Eyes� at his cremation and it wasn�t but a few months ago that a man demanded I have played Wham�s Everything She Wants as the recessional piece! He had an important message for his wife..or so he said.
There has been an interesting change in views regarding music over the past decade. More and more I find that music is mostly contemporary for the recessional However, in most cases�at least in my case�there has been a more traditional line for the processional. Organists are becoming rare and some crematories have converted to what I call a �PTBD� system�(push the button dummy!) I hate the thing, but I recognise that progress is supposed to be good.
I do a heartbreaking number of �unattended� funerals. Those are where the deceased has no one come to celebrate their life. My children joke with me that they�ve been to more funerals than the funeral director! It almost seems that way sometimes. However, I refuse to celebrate this person�s life without others to share in that joy with me. I�m grateful for my children�s attitude to this. And thankfully, I have a small cadre of LOL�s (little old ladies) I can call upon during school hours.
Be well
Fr Bill
http://bigworldsmallboat.blogspot.com/2006/03/ falling-in-love-at-clapham-junction.html
Music is interesting..I�ve had the run from Nessun Dorma to Nellie the Elephant! (I kid you not!) I�ve had a man request that I play �Smoke Gets in Your Eyes� at his cremation and it wasn�t but a few months ago that a man demanded I have played Wham�s Everything She Wants as the recessional piece! He had an important message for his wife..or so he said.
There has been an interesting change in views regarding music over the past decade. More and more I find that music is mostly contemporary for the recessional However, in most cases�at least in my case�there has been a more traditional line for the processional. Organists are becoming rare and some crematories have converted to what I call a �PTBD� system�(push the button dummy!) I hate the thing, but I recognise that progress is supposed to be good.
I do a heartbreaking number of �unattended� funerals. Those are where the deceased has no one come to celebrate their life. My children joke with me that they�ve been to more funerals than the funeral director! It almost seems that way sometimes. However, I refuse to celebrate this person�s life without others to share in that joy with me. I�m grateful for my children�s attitude to this. And thankfully, I have a small cadre of LOL�s (little old ladies) I can call upon during school hours.
Be well
Fr Bill
BEADS: and to others as well...one of the greatest gifts you can give those whom you love is a will that specifies precisely how you want your funeral arranged.
I've served the funeral industry for too many years and whilst it may indeed be inflammatory, I will say that they are not there as a service. They are a business who are there to make money.
Now I do have some funeral directors whom I admire and honour with all my heart. The ones in my mind go out of their way to help, to serve and to ensure the family's needs are met.
But there are others, especially ones who mask their business with old family names, but are actually well-oiled national businesses, who concern me greatly.
Nevertheless, please, if you want to make a powerful statement about the fact that you care for your family, make a will AND make certain you have a statement of desires pertaining to your funeral, the costs, and in many instances, the service you wish to have. It is truly a gift of love!
Fr Bill
I've served the funeral industry for too many years and whilst it may indeed be inflammatory, I will say that they are not there as a service. They are a business who are there to make money.
Now I do have some funeral directors whom I admire and honour with all my heart. The ones in my mind go out of their way to help, to serve and to ensure the family's needs are met.
But there are others, especially ones who mask their business with old family names, but are actually well-oiled national businesses, who concern me greatly.
Nevertheless, please, if you want to make a powerful statement about the fact that you care for your family, make a will AND make certain you have a statement of desires pertaining to your funeral, the costs, and in many instances, the service you wish to have. It is truly a gift of love!
Fr Bill
Saxy.... Don't be giving me ideas LOL!!! and no.... I'm not a little old lady..... hehe xxx and many a time I collected mr B from Norbiton Station : )
Fr Bill.....
Glad your kids have a sense of humour :D xxx
Now then.... PTBD!!!
p.s my neighbour is the organist for our little church.... what I haven't been to yet..... :) xxx
Fr Bill.....
Glad your kids have a sense of humour :D xxx
Now then.... PTBD!!!
p.s my neighbour is the organist for our little church.... what I haven't been to yet..... :) xxx
Moonshadow and Tony�it is a law here in East Sussex. And I�m aware of prosecutions over people strewing ashes at Beachy Head after they were specifically instructed not to do so. RNLI do not cast cremains at shore point. They carry them out to see and then strew them.
The concern is a valid one. The amount of metals and other incendiary remnants can be destructive to the natural conservation. Crematories have a strict regime to manage cremains, as well as emissions.
For your own community, it would be best to check with your local council. Having said all of this, whilst we (clergy) are bound to uphold the laws of our country�and so are you�I�m not yet aware of the �thought police� knocking on anyone�s door for thinking about strewing cremains somewhere themselves. As I�ve shared before:
It is much easier to get forgiveness than it is to get permission!
Again, thank you for all your kind and thoughtful responses.
Fr Bill
The concern is a valid one. The amount of metals and other incendiary remnants can be destructive to the natural conservation. Crematories have a strict regime to manage cremains, as well as emissions.
For your own community, it would be best to check with your local council. Having said all of this, whilst we (clergy) are bound to uphold the laws of our country�and so are you�I�m not yet aware of the �thought police� knocking on anyone�s door for thinking about strewing cremains somewhere themselves. As I�ve shared before:
It is much easier to get forgiveness than it is to get permission!
Again, thank you for all your kind and thoughtful responses.
Fr Bill
Our local family funeral business now belongs (sort of) to a large conglomorate, but the original family are still involved in the business. My mum was at school with some of them so we've known them for years and really wouldn't go anywhere else. They claim to be able to deliver any kind of funeral, and they certainly don't seem to baulk at anything. They were one of the first in the city to re-introduce horse-drawn carriages for funerals, due in part to the fact that one of the directors is a keen competitive carriage-driver when he's not working.
I want them to do my funeral. I want to be walked out of the street like they do in London, but I want to be accompanied by a New Orleans style jazz band that breaks into a lively number when they get to the crem.
I want them to do my funeral. I want to be walked out of the street like they do in London, but I want to be accompanied by a New Orleans style jazz band that breaks into a lively number when they get to the crem.
There is a really perfect Funeral Directors here and the same firm have done , over the last 3 years , my sister , my mother , and my brother , in fact with only 9 months between my sister and mothers passing , and then my brother a year later , the gentleman in charge had to correct himself joklngly when he was leaving saying see you again !!!
Drisgirl: I�m so sorry to hear of your loss. My thoughts are with you. I�m pleased to hear about the stone. I believe it�s important for people to have a focal point to visit. It�s part of our human composite to wish to be remembered.
lelaL Insn�t that an interesting term? Cremains�as with so many things that obfuscate reality, the word was invented by the American funeral industry. I used to prefer �Ashes.� However, over the years I have actually had people show fear at the term. So perhaps that�s another survey I could post here.
Tony: it�s not the sterile nature of the ash..(and by the way, it isn�t all ash�lots of calcium, bone, etc.). The environmental issue is with irons and most particularly with Mercury�and extremely dangerous and damaging thing to have on our shore as well as floating along the coastline. I too was shocked when we were advised of the new laws. But given how it was explained to us, I do understand.
Beryl: You already ARE a diamond! How could anyone recreate what is already perfect!
Honky: Well done�they�re becoming fewer and fewer!
Fr Bill
lelaL Insn�t that an interesting term? Cremains�as with so many things that obfuscate reality, the word was invented by the American funeral industry. I used to prefer �Ashes.� However, over the years I have actually had people show fear at the term. So perhaps that�s another survey I could post here.
Tony: it�s not the sterile nature of the ash..(and by the way, it isn�t all ash�lots of calcium, bone, etc.). The environmental issue is with irons and most particularly with Mercury�and extremely dangerous and damaging thing to have on our shore as well as floating along the coastline. I too was shocked when we were advised of the new laws. But given how it was explained to us, I do understand.
Beryl: You already ARE a diamond! How could anyone recreate what is already perfect!
Honky: Well done�they�re becoming fewer and fewer!
Fr Bill
Invisible: What many families are not aware of is that when you donate your body for medical research, once every vestige of your mortal remains have been used, the remnants are cremated.
Hellyon: I can identify. You should see my shoes on some days after casting ashes to the wind and all of a sudden, even though you tested, they come flying back at you! It happens often! My secular career was in the airline industry. We once had an urn of cremains fall off the back of a trolley and burst open. The ash scattered across the tarmac and surely into the intake vents of a few 747�s on taxi for take off! It was one of those accidents you never hope will happen. And of course, then it does! As the driver looked at the dancing ashes becoming caught up in the vortex of back-blasts from aircraft, all he could say to me was �do you know where we could find some ashtrays?�
Indeed�it was a big Oh Oh!
Fr B
Hellyon: I can identify. You should see my shoes on some days after casting ashes to the wind and all of a sudden, even though you tested, they come flying back at you! It happens often! My secular career was in the airline industry. We once had an urn of cremains fall off the back of a trolley and burst open. The ash scattered across the tarmac and surely into the intake vents of a few 747�s on taxi for take off! It was one of those accidents you never hope will happen. And of course, then it does! As the driver looked at the dancing ashes becoming caught up in the vortex of back-blasts from aircraft, all he could say to me was �do you know where we could find some ashtrays?�
Indeed�it was a big Oh Oh!
Fr B
I still cannot make my mind up on how I want to depart from this world.
Want to be with my Husband but he cannot decide either.
All I know is, I want as little fuss as possible.
For many years I always thought about doing what my late Mum did.
She left her body to Medical Research! We had a memorial service for the celebration of her life when she died, then 18 months later we attended a service at the University Chapel.
One of the nicest services I have ever attended with all the medical students present and the Head of the University. Four demoninations were also present. All the deceased names were called out and recorded in the book of Remembrance. Very tastfully carried out too.
My Son was in the RNR and one of his duties was to carry out a burial at sea. They were given permission to carry this out and had to take the coffin out about 12 miles to be buried.
Sitting here thinking and still cannot decide!
Want to be with my Husband but he cannot decide either.
All I know is, I want as little fuss as possible.
For many years I always thought about doing what my late Mum did.
She left her body to Medical Research! We had a memorial service for the celebration of her life when she died, then 18 months later we attended a service at the University Chapel.
One of the nicest services I have ever attended with all the medical students present and the Head of the University. Four demoninations were also present. All the deceased names were called out and recorded in the book of Remembrance. Very tastfully carried out too.
My Son was in the RNR and one of his duties was to carry out a burial at sea. They were given permission to carry this out and had to take the coffin out about 12 miles to be buried.
Sitting here thinking and still cannot decide!
saxy_jag: If that�s what you want, and you want to help your family. Arrange it in advance, confirm the price DIRECTLY with the carriage company and not the funeral service! They often add up to a 100pct commission on every service they contract! That includes flowers as well!
The arrangement you mentioned, in my humble opinion, is precisely why our nation has encountered a 500% increase in funeral costs over the past ten years. The American conglomerate that bought up these small independent funeral directors knew full well that the family name and the incumbents were the true value of the business. So they bought them out, then re-hired them as commissioned employees. They streamlined the behind-the-scenes process by no longer having the deceased cared for an prepared on the premises. Instead, the deceased is sent to a �processing plant,� where faceless individuals prepare the body. This knowledge can be extremely distressing to some. To others, it simply doesn�t matter. But it�s an issue that is never discussed. If you want a musician, try to have details left with your will or statement of wishes. It will make all the difference for your family and it will ensure your wishes have been served.
Fr Bill
The arrangement you mentioned, in my humble opinion, is precisely why our nation has encountered a 500% increase in funeral costs over the past ten years. The American conglomerate that bought up these small independent funeral directors knew full well that the family name and the incumbents were the true value of the business. So they bought them out, then re-hired them as commissioned employees. They streamlined the behind-the-scenes process by no longer having the deceased cared for an prepared on the premises. Instead, the deceased is sent to a �processing plant,� where faceless individuals prepare the body. This knowledge can be extremely distressing to some. To others, it simply doesn�t matter. But it�s an issue that is never discussed. If you want a musician, try to have details left with your will or statement of wishes. It will make all the difference for your family and it will ensure your wishes have been served.
Fr Bill
I have to admit to being a lover of funeral humour (I come from the same city as Joe Orton, after all, so I have to keep the side up).
A friend of mine was asked to a neighbour's funeral by the deceased's family, and when they got to the crem, one of the deceased's grown-up sons asked my friend if she could have a quiet word with the grieving widow. Apparently the woman had been giggling in the car all the way there and he was afraid she was about to break down.
When my friend subtly tackled her, she burst out laughing.
"I can't help it," she said. "It's my lads. Just look at them." My friend looked across. It was a bright, sunny day, and the two brothers, very different physiques, were dressed in dark suits, black tie and were wearing sunglasses. "Look at them," their mum giggled. "They look like the bl**dy Blues Brothers!"
And my friend had to laugh with her because, she says, they did. So did the guys when they found out.
A friend of mine was asked to a neighbour's funeral by the deceased's family, and when they got to the crem, one of the deceased's grown-up sons asked my friend if she could have a quiet word with the grieving widow. Apparently the woman had been giggling in the car all the way there and he was afraid she was about to break down.
When my friend subtly tackled her, she burst out laughing.
"I can't help it," she said. "It's my lads. Just look at them." My friend looked across. It was a bright, sunny day, and the two brothers, very different physiques, were dressed in dark suits, black tie and were wearing sunglasses. "Look at them," their mum giggled. "They look like the bl**dy Blues Brothers!"
And my friend had to laugh with her because, she says, they did. So did the guys when they found out.
I get what you're saying, VillageVicar, and I guess that's what's happened here. I don't especially want the carriage, but I'm lucky enough to have lots of contacts in the music business, so I should be OK (actually, some of us played at a friend's funeral a few years ago when he'd requested something similar. It was an honour).
Just as long as this doesn't happen to me:
http://www.southbendtribune.com/apps/pbcs.dll/ article?AID=/20070328/News01/70328076
Just as long as this doesn't happen to me:
http://www.southbendtribune.com/apps/pbcs.dll/ article?AID=/20070328/News01/70328076
i would prefer to be cremated, my husband would prefer to be buried. But as I will be dead, I don't really care too much. They could stick me in a bin liner and leave me out for the bin truck!
I think it depends on which of us goes first really, because despite his wishes, I just couldn't stand to think of my husband lying in the cold dark ground. So if he goes first, it is cremation for him - he likes mountains, so I'd get his ashes taken up to the top of a mountain and scattered. There is a memorial forest near where we live, so we have agreed that we will plant a tree there for each other when we go.
Given his preference for burials, I guess that I will probably be buried if i die before him, which is fine, I think that it is for the survivor to decide what is best for them.
I think it depends on which of us goes first really, because despite his wishes, I just couldn't stand to think of my husband lying in the cold dark ground. So if he goes first, it is cremation for him - he likes mountains, so I'd get his ashes taken up to the top of a mountain and scattered. There is a memorial forest near where we live, so we have agreed that we will plant a tree there for each other when we go.
Given his preference for burials, I guess that I will probably be buried if i die before him, which is fine, I think that it is for the survivor to decide what is best for them.
I have considered leaving my body to medical science as there is evidently a shortage of cadavers for medical students to learn with. That would certainly solve ant worries about being buries alive! I gather that once they have finished they arrange for the remains to be disposed of in accordance with the deceased's wishes. The problem is that a funeral is important for the nearest and dearest and it might prolong the bereavement process. It's something I should talk over with the family.
Having said all that I would want to be cremated with no ceremony, just a few rock songs and no black!
Having said all that I would want to be cremated with no ceremony, just a few rock songs and no black!
I have no preference - after all I'll be dead and at that stage somewhat lacking in interest in what happens to me. My wife ahs been told she can do what she wants with my body - if she wants to dig a hole in the garden and toss me in, that's fine. The only thing I have been consistent about is that if she opts for a funeral I want the Ben Webster version of That's All played :-)
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