how do you cope wih a life long friend about to die

[shanx]

i had a phone call today to say that someone who i have known and been in touch with for years have had, a massive stroke and not expected to live,i didnt expect that when i woke up this morning,i am totaley devistated cant stop crying,i know she would want me at the hospital,but a lot of good i am goig to be to her familey, just blabbing (need to get my act together }

[gummybear]

Hi Shanx - you poor thing, it will be a comfort to her familly if you do just stand there and cry..imagine it was your sister son etc you would want to know people cared !! As for how to cope its so individual where do you start !! prob best to let it all out and take each day as it comes love....my heart goes out to you x

[shanx]

i know i just cant stop blabbing,and her children are saying she is blinking her eyes and want to see you, but i want to pull her through it,a lot of bloody good i will be .to her or her children

[EngTeach]

Having just lost a family member, I have seen the power of friendship. My mother's friends were amazing for us the children. Please go if you possibly can. I know it is hard, but the support they gave me is something I will never forget. Crying is OK.

That being said, i do know that for some dealing with death is too hard. It is a personal choice. If it is just too hard to see her, try to find other ways to support them. Clean or cook for them and just be there in ways that are comfortable for you.

Hugs and blessing to you in this tough time.

[Aprilis]

I'm so sorry to hear that. These things are never easy to cope with. Have yourself a good old cryfest tonight and in the morning you may well manage to hold it together enough to get up to the hospital and see your friend. If she's not expected to pull through get up there as soon as you can. I'm sure her family wouldn't expect you not to be emotional. It wouldn't be natural for you not to get upset and I'm sure they will be glad to see you there having a cry rather than not being there at all. Don't let it keep you away from spending some time at her bedside and if you feel you are going to break into a full on sob, step outside and take a few moments to yourself.

[bigmamma]

Shanx sweetie , I expect this is a shock for you to find your friend so ill suddenly . Please , even though you feel you will be useless to her family, go and see her , whisper in her ear and hold her hand . It will mean a lot to her even if you are upset , and , think , if you didn't go , could you live with not having seen her when she needs you ? For your peace of mind too love . Big hugs for you . xxx

[shanx]

she has grown up children ( and a husband) but it was the children that rang me so i am going to be strong for my friend and her children, i think i need a day or two, to take it in, but i think after tomorrow may be to late this is what is upsetting me

[shanx]

i feel so useless i cant stop crying ,what good is that to my friends children i need to be strong for them,and think they expect that off me

[bigmamma]

For the children to have rung you they must be trying to be strong and are have each other to lean on . They rang you because they know you are close , therefore they will understand how upset you are .I am sure they will not be suprised to see you a blubbering mess and you in fact may be able to draw some strength from them.
If you decide to go tomorrow you will hopefully feel you can.
xx

[shanx]

thank you captin, i will be there tomorrow, its listening to the children of her last few days they explained it all , i think she knew , and knew the people she wanted there, and i will be there , if i can stop crying , but i will keep in touch and let you know

[Psychick]

So sorry to hear your sad news shanx. Speaking from my own personal experience following my step mums stroke last year, yuo can be more help than you realise. Just by going will show her family how many friends she has and how well she is liked. Right now that will mean so much to her husband and children. If you want to do something to help you feel useful, offer to sit with your friend for a while and tell her family to go take a break, get something to eat and drink and some fresh air. Let them know she is not alone and you are there with her. Even if they refuse to go, at least you have offered and shown them you are there for them all and that you care. You may not feel like you have done much, but trust me, it will mean more to them than you will ever know.

[shanx]

thank you bigmamma

[shanx]

i may do that psychick maybe thats what they want ,knowing there mum will be safe with me , oh ***** i just wish i could stop crying

[shanx]

that wasnt a bad word i said why was it blanked?

[bigmamma]

Are you on your own shanx love , do you have somone with you who can give you a hug and a shoulder ?

[Psychick]

Dont hide your emotions, if you need to cry then cry. It only shows youre feeling the pain and that you care.

[shanx]

no bigmamma, i have a wonderful family,sometimes you like advice from other than your family , i do help at the end of the day

[VillageVicar]

Shanx: I�m saddened to hear of your friend. If at all possible, I would hope that you go to your friend. Not just to show the family you care, but to be with and speak to your friend to let her know you�re there.

So many people fail to understand that stroke victims can still hear and feel all around them. Even if your friend is unconscious, I believe she will hear you and she will most certainly feel your presence.

I also feel this will be medicinal for you to do. There is so much you have to offer � not only to the family, but to your friend. Help them by sitting with her overnight, read to her. Talk to her about the times you�ve shared together. Massage her feet. Tactile communication is so important. Most importantly, let her know that she is loved.

I shall hold you in my thoughts

Fr. Bill

[bigmamma]

No sweetheart , you haven't read me right , I didn't mean that you should go to them instead of here , my goodness no , you are important to us here and we are pleased you have come on here to talk to us. I was just hoping you weren't alone in your house.

[shanx]

thank you all ,i promise i will get back to you tomorrow and let you know how my friend is xx