New boyfriends

[becks]

Is it wrong to compare a new boyfriend to an ex? Well that's it really, my mum reckons you shouldn't compare them but I don't think it's a problem - what do you think?

[saffstar]

It's probably not the best idea to actively set out to compare them but I don't think you can help doing it to a certain extent, especially at the beginning of a new relationship. I think people compare new with old in all aspects of life, I mean, if you change brands of orange juice you compare the new brand with the old, it's a natural thing to do!

[andy hughes]

Comparison is inveitable, at first, it does depend on what you do with the information when you get it. Obviously, you won't be advising your new man that he fails to measure up in certain areas, it's just bad manners. If iy comes to the point when you are thinking longingly of your ex, then maybe it's time to have a serious look at your current relationship. If all proceeds well, the urge to compare will fade natrually.

[headrush]

Being a bloke is hard enough without feeling you are competing with someone your girlfriend went out with for years. Who probably had a bigger ahem, was romantic, didn't scratch his crack at the dinner table or burp the alphabet in one breath, got on with your friends and didn't make passes at them (or your sister even though this should be allowed) even though they probably all fancied him. Oh, and who was the best lover. Like ever. I think you'll find that you'll always naturally compare current with exes - some things about him might never be as good but some will be better. If that's not the case, he probably isn't right, especially if you are articulating negative comparisons about him. Andy's response is put the most succinctly. Whatever you do, don't tell the new guy what your exes used to do/say/wear etc. or what "your song" was but that should go without saying.

[Casey]

I never compare my boyfriend to my ex who I was with for 4 years, due to the fact that I split up with my ex and wanted to find someone completely different. My current boyfriend likes everything that I do and is nothing like my ex, therefore there is no comparison. But I suppose it depends on what you are looking for in your boyfriend, and there may be similarities between him and your ex. But never let your boyfriend know you are comparing him, it will break his heart.

[becks]

Thanks everyone, am not comparing bad things just thinking more like "wow xxx would never have said/done that" in a good way. Would never tell him anyway just things that pop into your head, but it's all good!

[headrush]

That's great. In that case, it sounds like the orange juice comparison - it's inevitable. Only with bigger juicy bits :P All the best...

[David H]

The only use I see for comparison is to see if they reach the same standard, Once you know that, you should treat him/her as an individual as no one has the same qualities as another, you need only look at comparisons to confirm whether someone new may or may not have the required good qualities as they remind you of other examples, or warning signs you can recognise from others. But these are only to learn specific qualities more quickly, not to line them all up in a row and see who's better. That will only lead to confusion and disappointment.