FAO single woman in their 30s

[angel-cake]

Are you at a point, or have you been at the point where you just want a baby but have not found the right man for you, and have decided to have a baby alone? (after the necessary deed obviously!). What with biological clocks and all that, it is something that eventually needs to be thought about.

I am in my early 30s and not with anyone right now but have been in a long term relationship previously (no kids). I am not quite ready for a baby but I am wondering if it is something I will just do in a couple of years if I am still not settled with anyone.

[Facetious]

I can't speak from direct experience, only relay that of my friend's. She has never found the right man, is painfully shy, and went the route of sperm donation because she knew she wanted a baby. I think if I hadn't met my husband it's something I would have happily done.

[Fay Mousse]

Nobody has the right to be a parent. Nobody has the right to have a baby just because they want one.

Surely a baby should be born into a solid loving relationship with two parents?

Parenthood is incredibly stressful and difficult - all the more so when you are a single parent.

If you find it hard to meet a man now - you try it with children, when you have to wonder what his motives are, and put your feelings aside for the sake of the child.

I wouldn't voluntarily be a single parent - far too much responsibility.

[Scarlett]

I am now 37 and was never that keen on having kids- having said that, if mr. amazing came along tomorrow I might re-think. I wouldn't want to ever have them on my own- I don't think it's ideal for the child and I think it is very very hard to be a single parent. My attitude is, if I can't do it properly, I'd rather not do it at all, and just be a great aunt to my sisters kids, and my friends kids.

[angel-cake]

Yes Fay, I agree the nobody has a 'right' to have a baby, I'm not saying that anyway. And of course in an ideal world a loving couple would have a baby and live happily ever after.

But I suppose I am just wondering if one loving parent is not a wrong choice if you are not lucky enough to meet that special person. After all, how many children are born from couples who can't look after themselves, let alone a baby.

Facetious - thanks for your reply, I'm glad to hear that it worked out for your friend.

[Facetious]

Fay Mousse - in an ideal world every baby would be born to two loving parents, but life isn't like that. Knowing how many of my children's friends were unplanned babies, I would say that it is far better to be born to one parent who has wanted you from the very beginning than to be born to two who just couldn't be bothered working out the mathematics.

Meeting men is not the be all and end all.

[Hermia]

The financial aspect would worry me. I mean you'd have to be comfortably off and own a home to do this. Otherwise you either face a choice of being a stay-at-home mum living on benefits which I imagine would be hard to take if you have previously been financially independent. Or you work and face huge childcare bills. I have friends who are single mums and don't have an ex paying child support and their lives are so hard. No thanks!

[EngTeach]

Being in my late 30's, I feel that I wouldn't want to do it alone. My sister is a single mom.(he left when baby was 18mos, she's now 6) and has no support from him. She is lucky to have had my mother's help and mine. I see how hard it is with help, and even see my friends in "good" marrriages do it all. Were I to become pregnant unplanned, I think I would have the baby, but at this point I would not set out to do it.
I will be 39 in Feb.

[angel-cake]

Thanks for all your replies :-)

(and no, this is not something I am planning to do, was just curious what other people thought)