Stress !!!!

[Drisgirl]

What do you do to combat it?

I am seriously stressed to the max -the top 5 in the chart ( u know the one the doctor tells ya about) I have at the moment but I cant cry and I cant seem to do anything but just function normally- even to the extent of being almost carefree -I mean WTF ???

Now even i know thats not normal -should I worry -or is my brain just taking over yet again to help me?

[cazzzz1975]

what is causing the stress?

[Drisgirl]

Bereavement which is 4 months old but it was my ex husband and the dad of my children.
Ongoing help (nauirally) on a daily basis to see my children through this as it just doesnt go away at all -in fact its getting worse.
My children now using me as a whipping girl -I have to take it as they have no-one else to take their anger and frustration out on.
Seperation -bit nasty and recent -so will get worse.
House for sale and all sorts of fools just coming round for a nosy -plus neighbour had a burst pipe in my garden and my patio looks like someone has just been buried under it.Cant even be bothered challenging her to get it sorted.
Finally -trying to remain sane when my whole world is falling apart around me -even the bloody cistern is ******.

[cazzzz1975]

yikes, Im not suprised that you are stressed! The question should be "how are you staying so rational?!"

I would imagine with all the other stuff you are doing you are probably not taking time out for yourself to grieve and get through this. You sound like you need a holiday away from everyone, so you can gather your thoughts.

Obviously as your aware that the recent separation, the house sale and the burst pipe are only going to get worse than you are probably stressing at the thought of it on top of everything else.

can you not get a break at all? or at least share your workload with someone to give you some time out?

[Drisgirl]

O jings Cazzzz -just back from Spain -that was meant to my stress free week -was it what -I came back to a litagy (sp?) from my son -I just apologised -dont know what for but i did and havent spoken to him since -but I will obv.
In Spain on the first night my husband got locked out accidentally and I didnt hear him until near 4 -he was trying to kick the door in -that on top of some little squirt passing a comment at me in a bar and then repeating it to him -next thing the bars in a turmoil cos he took him by the throat then his 'Sis' came to me but by this time I just squared up to her and she backed off -never to be seen again after the tonque lashing she got from me..The guy apologised profusely BTW and said it was entirely his fault.
Mum and Dads 50th is on the 25th so have to be up for that -they havent been any use to me as their daughter at all as they think tjhey are grieving more than me FFS -how can they?We have had several heated words on that .
So now i'm floundering and I seriously am frightened at this moment to speak to anyone cos I feel I will let rip.
I dont understand why I feel so calm tho as I normally am such a feisty character -I dont feel browbeaten -I feel calm and thats whats worrying me -seriously

[PastaManiac]

Hi,Dris-have you tried CRUSE berievement care? it is free and may help you unload some of your feelings. Talking to a stranger who is detached and non-judgemental can wwork wonders. I would imagine you may be bottling up a lot of s**t.....either that or try playing squash!

[cazzzz1975]

well if your ready to let rip then you cant be calm!, more simmering!!

maybe you are simmering because there are unresolved issues, speaking to your son again, going to your mom and dad's 50th despite having words with them..

with all that up in the air and not dealt with not to mention the earlier problems Im not surprised your stressed, I would imagine things will ease once you have got through them, it will then leave you to grieve a bit (if something else doesnt come up)

[Whickerman]

Hi Dris. You have my deepest sympathy. Have a look here first - seems to be good advice although they're pretty brief. The main thread running through them all is to not ignore the stress you're under.

http://jenniferforbes.blogspot.com/2007/03/lif e-after-death-coping-with.html

http://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk/articles/article.a spx?articleId=2347

http://mentalhealthireland.ie/index.php?option =com_content&task=view&id=21&Itemid=34

[Drisgirl]

Thanks cazzz -you know maybe youre right -I am just simmering just awaiiting the next blow -thankfully I am on my own.The issues will get resolved -as they always do at my behest.
Pasta -My GP has recommended Cruse a couple of times but he felt I was dealing with the issues then remarkably well.I will give them a phone -I need independent advice -just as i seeking tonight.
Whickerman -thank you so much -I read them all and some of them did hit the spot -it was a very sudden death-so that was covered.

One more thing -im'm sorry for you all who are sick to the teeth of this but my own mum told me in graphic detail what his injuries were -now even my own GP who was his as well was extremelt sympahtaetic but obv didn tell me the details.
Now the problem I have is that my mum thinks we had the kids by immaculate conception so she has no idea that for 18yrs of my life I knew every inch of that body and I cant get to sleep easy knowing that not only was he killed instantly his body was ravaged. as well.It pains me beyond belief -think it must a bit of post traumatic syndrome type thing -although I couldnt see him after.How cruel -why couldnt he have just died without the mutilation?The kids had to be told as well as the emergenct sevices and council pass it on -even tho theyre not meant to -o the stories I could tell about people coming up and saying what they had heard and we just have to stand there and say nothing.

If anyone feels I have to get a grip -dont tell me ATM please .

[dot.hawkes]

hi Drisgirl

I made my daughter go to the doctors today, she has not been herself lately, hardly surprising, anyway, he has given her 3 weeks off work, a course of anti-depressants and referred her for bereavement counselling.
Talking to us and her friends has not helped, we all get upset together, i am hoping a stranger will help her get things straight in her head. She's only 23, she shouldn;t have had to go through what she has had to this year, i can;t wish it all away for her, but this may be what will help.
Don't think it is all emotional, the body has chemicals that cause all sorts of problems

[Whickerman]

There's no way that anyone could tell you to get a grip. You've been through a hugely traumatic time, and it seems you're really suffering (and from the way your kids are playing up they seem to be too). Contact Cruse asap, and go beck to your doc for a referral to family counselling. No-one should have to cope alone.

[cazzzz1975]

I feel that when people deliberately go into detail like that they are obviously trying to provoke a reaction from you, maybe you are a cool customer under adversity, maybe she wanted to draw out some sort of knee jerk emotional response.

If he died in the crash then its a good chance he would not have felt the graphic pain that was evident, he would have died almost instantly, it is said that we leave our bodies milliseconds before a horrific death.

Try not to dwell on how he has passed, try to see him at peace.

[China Doll]

My mother works for CRUSE, they really are very good Dris. And if you don't like it you don't have to stick around... But it sounds like you could do with someone to talk to and your immediate family aren't being to helpful at the moment because they're suffering too.

Staying strong means looking after yourself too.

[Drisgirl]

Thanks Dot and Whickerman -think I may have to bite the bullet and admit defeat.
R and J are just 18 and 22 BTW -so I just cant see any light at the end of the tunnel cos I am older -they can to a degree for some obscure reason -I just see them without their dad forever and that wasnt part of our master plan together -o its painful.Life changed forever in an instant -just like that -never be the same again.

Dot -Im glad your daughter has family to support her -although like you said it doesnt help when no-one can talk about it without getting upset.

Yip -think Cruse is the way for me -all the rest of the **** is just **** -just came all at one time -o well as well to get it all done and dusted in an oner.

[Drisgirl]

O and cheers Cazzzz and CD as well -cross posted -cazzz -youre right -I have been a tower of strength when they thought I would crumble so guess that was maybe what that was about -maybe they thought I was in denial.

CD -I will let you all know how i egt on with CRUSE -it would help I think -after all thats whats its there for..

Then I can maybe deal with all the really poxy things in my life which have just served to magnify everyrthing tonight-you must all know the feeling-how dare you be happy and carefree when i'm at my wits en.

I'll reign supreme again -just bloody have to -its sink or swim -and no -im not being flippant -just taking a lot of hope from the brill people here who took time to help me xxxx

[PastaManiac]

You said that your doctor said you were coping well.....if you are like me....and le ts face it-MOST women.....then you may find yourself "talking" one thing---with a smile on your face---and feeling totally different inside. I think this becomes second nature after a while-we become actresses so that no-one knows what is really going on inside...and we then believe ourselves! Meanwhile the need to scream shout cry be silly...whatever-is brewing inside. I sincerly hope you can find a way to unburden yourself to a kindly,sympathetic ear. xx V

[Drisgirl]

Thanks Pasta -thats exactly what ive been like xxx

(i'm juts frightened to explode cos I know if I do everyone will get and I sooo dont want that)

[Pippa68]

Oh my good God why can't people keep their mouths shut...why on earth do they feel the need to tell you the details? it's truly shocking.

I remember when my father in law died of a heart attack. His widow insists that a medical he had a few weeks earlier had given him a clean bill of health. I know different, as he had told me that the doctor had said he was aheart attack waiting to happen. What good would it have done for me to tell her this? 20 years on she still goes on about it and I continue to keep quiet :o(

I can't add any more than the other posts, Dris. I will also recommend CRUSE as they have helped several people I know. I wish you a better year ahead, Dris..take care xxx

[Drisgirl]

Thanks Pippa -its truly awful -I wont go into guesome (and believe me I could) details but suffice there wasnt a part attched to his torso and thats mild.

[PastaManiac]

The hell with everyone else...it is time for you to think about yourself. Maybe you need a very public blow-up...then they will take notice of YOUR needs.

[Pippa68]

This is what I cannot understand, Dris. Why would anyone want to tell you this? I didn't know it was practice to tell anyone those details.

The damage is done, I know..but I so wish the clock could have been turned back for you.