relationship advice

[fairkatrina]

My friend has the following problem:

She was with this guy for 2.5 years, they were engaged. He lived half an hour away and she did all the travelling as he couldn't drive. He was generally quite sweet but she had some issues with him drinking and spending all his money. She then left him for another guy, who is nearly 10 years older than her, and who has moved back in with his parents following a divorce. Now she's not sure if she should try and get back with her fiance, as she thinks she's made a mistake, but if she did there's a good chance that he'll never forgive her for going off with someone else. The new guy doesn't really have any long-term prospects, but she's quite attached to him too, and isn't sure that she won't regret leaving him either. The ex-fiance keeps texting saying how much he loves her and that he wants her back.

She's not old, but the biological clock is ticking and she wants to be married and settled before too long...what should she do????

[froggequene]

Given a choice between an alcoholic with a permanent hole in his pocket & a man on the rebound living with his parents, I'd dump them both, do something about my self-esteem and either find some worthy of me or consider IVF/adoption.

[fairkatrina]

but she's in love!!!!!

(I agree with the answers, but she won't listen to me anymore...)

[Myriad2112]

They sound like a couple a well decent blokes.

[froggequene]

It is deeply, deeply frustrating to want to help & to be ignored, but If she won't listen, step back & let her get on with it.

If she has stopped listening, if she ever listened, she will come to regard any well meaning attempts to give advice as interfering, or perhaps as sort of attempt to control her.

[cazzz1975]

She sounds to be a quite clingy person, she has to remember the problems with why she ended her first relationship, she also needs to stop transferring her clingyness to another bad bet!

she needs some time on her own for a while, being single and learning about yourself is one of the most rewarding things you can do for yourself. she needs to stop thinking about babies for now as both men dont sound capable enough of being a good dad

when she has learnt about herself and stops clinging to bad relationships, she will start picking better guys.

[taliesin238]

She should wait for Mr perfect!!! Never settle for second best!!! Im 30, single, never been married and have no kids and feel my biological clock is ticking (even though i cant have kids) I feel that im gonna be too old to adopt with a partner if i ever find him!! This friend of yours sounds just like me!!! Ive got back with exes thinking they are the ones and should never have left. The truth is when your not with that person you only think of the good things and forget about what it was really like being with that person!!! NEVER settle for second best, ive most certainly learnt that lesson!!

[froggequene]

You don't need a partner to adopt, single people are allowed to adopt in the right circumstances

[funnygirl]

If she is in love, then she will know who she wants.

If she cannot make up her mind, then she is not in love with either of them!!!

You sound like a very concerned friend!!

[gallapunk]

I agree with the replies above. Your friend should take a step back and reconsider. A long-term commitment (and more so bringing a child into the situation) when she's not sure which one she wants is not good at all. Perhaps she would be better with neither of them, start living for herself and starting to enjoy life again; then the right person will spring up in time and that will be it. Too many people marry in haste (or as good as) and repent at their leisure. I did and I regretted it for almost 20 years until l I finally finished it a few years ago; the best thing I ever did. But how much better not to have been stupid enough to get into that situation in the first place. Don't let her throw her life away on a whim. It has to be 'the' one or nothing.

[lil123]

I have been in a similar situation and decided to get rid of them both
I spent time on my own just enjoying being single
It doesn't work settling for anyone as it will only make the person unhappy
Often life as a funny way of working things out
Get out and about with your friend just chatting to people I find it really helped me then you find out more about the person before you commit to a relationship with them

[Veggibear]

I agree with funnygirl.

Your friend is being selfish - instead of thinking about what these guys can give to her why doesn't she think about what she brings to the relationship (and for the sake of any children what kind of parents THEY would be.

[mandimoo2]

shes not in love, shes clutching at straws.