bi polar

[sunflower68]

My close friend has been diagnosed with this.
I know she is suffering and I want to help as much as I can.
Any help or advice greatly appreciated.

[*Princess*]

I guess all you can do is be there to support her when she feels down or high. Also, as you're her friend you'll notice when her moods swing, and when/if they get to a dangerous stage, you'll be able to get her help. She'll probably not know when she's high or low, until she's returned to 'normal' and look back on it.

As she's been diagnosed she must be seeing a psychiatrist, so make sure she continues with the appointments, or goes on to a psychologist. As for meds, the norm is lithium but it doesn't agree with everyone and she may have to try different types, but then again she might not need it, I think these days doctors hand out medication much to easily, instead of spending time to find out the best way to help each individual patient.

Also, I guess the single most helpful thing you can do for your friend is treat her the same. Don't treat her any differently to how you did before she got her diagnosis. Let her know it's not the end of the world and that she can get through it - you both will - and that you'll be there for her no matter what. Although there is no cure, it's fairly easily managed and she may not get a major manic or depressive episode for so long, it seems like she's 'normal' (hate that word!). There are quite a few people with BPD who don't realise they have it - we all get up days and down days, but it's when the episodes are extreme that it's something to worry about.

In addition, tell you friend there are many well known people with BPD, such as Stephen Fry, Robbie Williams, Tony Slattery, van Gogh, many others. They're usually the creative kind actually! Stephen Fry made a documentary about it, called 'The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive' which is worth a watch if it's repeated.

Good Luck to you and your friend, if I can help in any way, let me know x

[EngTeach]

Hi Sun,

My 16byear old nephew was recently diagnosed with this too. Tonyted is right when he says the doctor is her friend. The medication can help a lot. It might take a while to get the right combination, so be patient with her. Also one great problem is that when the medicine works well the person feels "cured" and often will go off the meds w/o medical advice. This can be very dangerous. So I would watch closely for that.

The actress Patty Duke has been very vocal about her bipolarism and there is tons of stuff online.

You are a good friend for acknowledging this and being concerned.

[beso]

One of the big problems experienced by bipolar suffers is the desire to not take the medicine. Understandbly they feel the medicine has killed off part of who they really are and many deide they don't want to do that. Remember that they can be very creative in the manic phase.

Helping them to realise the lmportance of taking the medicine during these doubts is a useful contibution.

[saxy_jag]

My cousin (whom I'm very close to) has it. He chooses not to be PC or coy about it, using the term 'manic depressive' as freely as he does 'bipolar'. He has ups and downs, and although we're several thousand miles apart (he in USA, me in UK), I can tell by his letters and emails which end of the spectrum he's on at any point.

When he's on an 'up' his letters are full of talk of how he's going to be famous (we're both would-be writers) and take me to that level with him. You'd think, from the way he talks, that he could quite easily conquer the world and has the self-belief to do it.

A 'down' is another matter. Then I'm lucky to get a couple of sentences out him, if he bothers to get in touch at all. It's at that point that I sit down and write him a nice long letter (he's not on the phone) and maybe include a little gift of some sort. It cheers him at these times to know that someone - even if they're on the other side of the world - still cares about and believes in him.

He's philosophical about his condition. He's very aware of what it does to him and he likes his closest friends to know about it. They need to understand, he says, why he can be such a frustrating g*t at times. For all that, he refuses to take meds for it - says they turn him into a zombie. He's never been so high that he's done something stupid, and neither has he ever been so low as to be suicidal, and so doesn't consider himself to be in any danger from his non-medicating.

I can only echo what others here have said - just be there for your friend. As time goes on, you will learn to read her moods and adapt accordingly, comforting her when she's down, keeping her grounded when she's up. But don't lose sight of the fact that BPD doesn't stop her thinking coherently and doesn't stop her from being her own person. Above all else, she is not disabled. Keep that in mind and you will be a very good friend indeed.

[saxy_jag]

Just a little more - I mentioned that my cousin can be frustrating. That's an understatement. He sometimes makes decisions and does things (or doesn't) that make me want to swim the atlantic and give him a good kick up the jacksy. There are times I'd like to grab his shoulders and shake his head from his body - and then give him a great big hug.

You will feel like this at times, if you haven't already. What keeps you from walking out on them is love.

[sunflower68]

Thanks all so very much for the fab replies. I did feel a bit out on my own as to how to be of benefit but like you say IAP, just be there but not too much!!

She says she hates the psychologist saying "tell me about your father" each time - she has had quite a few different people to talk to as far as I can gather, though I can never really get a grip on where she is coming from regarding psychologists...!

I think one of them set her off on a manic mood and she walked out, but I told her that she needs to be beyond and deeper into the "father" bit as from what I can gather it is where her problems began. Phew I do feel for her she has had a bad time : {

Anyway, as far as meds I am not entirely sure which, if any she is on. I will ask. She was on something but stopped.
Beso you are so right - she is also diabetic, insulin-dependent and hated all the meds. I think she's stopped them.

Saxy she is very impulsive and comes up with some wonderful yet odd and impractical things, just makes me smile sometimes.
IAP I will look into a support group for her, she loves to talk;I think it would be just her thing in fact. There is hope for her then, if maybe she can be prescribed lithium. Do you think it suits all/most sufferers?

Thanks all again, gives me a lot of hope she is not alone. : )

[wolf63]

I am also bipolar and the information given above is excellent.

Remember that your friend is the same person that she was before the diagnosis - don't treat her differently.

I am lucky that Lithium has helped to balance my moods so that they are 'bearable', but I can still be very impetuous and irrational.

It is a complicated illness - you should try and work out what triggers your friends manic episodes. If my sleep pattern is disturbed by too many sleepless nights I find myself becoming manic and have to take some medication before it develops into a real problem.

Good luck. Having manic depression is horrible, but I think that it just as hard having to cope with somebody your care about who has the illness.

[sunflower68]

iap and Wolf thankyou so much xxxx