The eternal dilemma

[Booldawg]

As a father, when out with my 3 year old daughter I never know which toilets to go into when she needs to go; men or ladies? The baby changing rooms never have toilets in and I feel wrong using the disabled ones.

I guess its not too bad if your a woman accompanying your young son as the ladies toilets are all cubicles anyway.

[skyep]

Booldawg - I'm sure it would be o.k to use the disabled toilets in this instance. xxx

[bednobs]

personally i wouldn't think it matters. i wouldn't be surprised or flummoxed to see a man in the ladies, with a little girl. However, if she was desperate i wouldnt see anything wrong with taking her into the gents either. its not like kids care, she's hardly going to be traumatised by seeing men with their willys out weeing

[cazzz1975]

lol bednobs you paint a grim picture...

[josie48]

Use the disabled ones Booldawg. Im sure anyone disabled will understand your predicament.

[Paul22118]

Use the gents. You are more in control there and a little three year old will not cause any eyelids to be batted I'm sure. Also more liklihood of a free cubicle anyway. Disabled are ok also.

[ethandron]

i agree with all the answers given. also remember that disabled toilets are for everyone to use, not just disabled people. so if there's a disabled toilet vacant then anyone can use it without feeling guilty. it's ridiculous when there's a queue for a 'normal' toilet and the disabled one is empty, but everyone tut tut's if a non-disabled person uses it!!

[redcrx]

use the disabled if its empty, if it isnt then use the gents.

surely she isnt going to be looking at the men at the urinals as theyd be facing the wall, or am i naive as to the way men use the gents? :)

[toby99]

I don't think you should take her to the gents - I myself wouldn't use a man's toilet and little girls of three haven't learnt the skill of 'hovering' yet!! Take her to a small cafe where they only have one male and one female loo and use the ladies there. If not, use the diabled.

[Booldawg]

Thank you for all the answers, some good points there. TBH she simply wont use a toilet that looks dirty which pretty much negates 80% of public conveniences! Think the disabled (if they have them) toilets would be the best bet.

[Panic Button]

Using the Ladies is not an option

[bednobs]

why? Its not like yu'd have to hand around - surely with a 3 year old you'd go in hte cubicle?

[annie0000]

I wouldn't worry too much about, take her to whatever is the cleanest toilet that is free when she needs to go.

You are lucky in that as long as you have a quick look in the door of the ladies and it is either occupied by ladies or completely empty, you could at age 3 quite happily let her go in there herself. If she gets in any difficulty anybody would help her. Women using the ladies will be in cubicles and in most cases would not mind you popping your head round the door to check on her.

As the mother of 2 sons who are now getting older, I find it more difficult to take them into the ladies, yet unless I can send the two of them together, I am not comfortable with sending my son into the gents on his own. My boys are 7 and 6.

I had one nasty woman complaining that I had my 7 year old in the ladies with me - granted, he does look older, but I did confront her about whether she would be happy to send a 7 year old girl into the gents on her own, and in my book, he is as likely to be abused in a gents toilet as a girl would be. She did shut up, but as everyone was in a cubicle, I dont really see what the problem was.

[ethandron]

annie0000, you can't honestly be serious in that you'd let a 3 year old (girl or boy) go into public toilets, men's or ladies, by themselves? i'm all for making children independent, but what you're suggesting seems, to me, to be quite irresponsible. i wonder what others think?

[annie0000]

If I was standing outside the door and I was sure that I knew who was or wasn't inside, then yes I don't have a problem with that, I am not talking about some run down toilet block by the side of the motorway, I am talking about a toilet in a restaurant etc. If you see my other thread on here, I am not advocating that 3 year olds be chucked into the street to make friends with the local weirdos, we are talking about a father being too embarrased to take his daughter into the gents or to go into the ladies with her himself.

My point is that it is safer to send a girl into the ladies if you know who is or isn't there than it is to send a child of any gender into the gents at whatever age.

[ethandron]

annie, i see the point you are making, but still have to disagree that sending a 3 year old child, by itself, into a public toilet, be it in a restaurant or wherever, is a good idea.

[annie0000]

when your child is in the toilet do you go in the cubicle or stand outside? I dont see what the difference is. We will have to agree to disagree - every situation is different and every caring parent makes their own risk assessment of every situation. It may be that live in a area that I perceive to be safer than you do. I used to live in Edinburgh, which is a major city that didn't have a murder at all for nearly 5 years. - I am sure that if I was in London or some area that I am not familiar with - e.g. when I am on holiday - I make different decisions. I still stand by what I said, and maybe you could tell me exactly what the risk is.

[ethandron]

if you can't see the risks involved yourself annie, then it is not up to me to point them out to you. you are right, we will have to agree to disagree.

[annie0000]

Seriously Ethandron, I am not trying to have an argument, In the scenario that I have outlined, what do you see as the risks?

You are maybe seeing something that I dont.

My scenario:

You look in the toilet - it is either empty, or is occupied by a woman washing her hands. (If the cubicle door is closed and you don't know who is in there - don't do it)

You child goes into toilet , you wait outside door - you watch who goes in or out.

You are in earshot - your child knows you are there - lady washing her hands knows you are there. You listen for the flush.

You pop your head in - say "remember to wash your hands"

Your child comes out, you carry on with whatever you were doing prior to going to the loo.

Risks that I can see;

Is these a kidnapper hiding behind the loo roll? - unlikely and anyway you can wrestle them to the floor as they come out clutching your child under their arms

Is lady washing her hands going to interfere with your child - very very very unlikely - especially as she knows you are outside the door.

Is your child going to flush themselves to the nearest sewage treatment plant? - unlikely - she can already use a toilet - she has one at home.

Will she forget to wipe her bottom properly ?- highly likley - will she suffer serious consequences? - no maybe an itchy bottom and dirty pants.

Will she scald her hands on the tap? - possibily, but she has been taught to use the cold tap.

Seriously - if there is something that I am missing let me know.

[Panic Button]

When my children were three they might have played submarines in the bowl if left unattended Annie.

I took them (boy and girl) into the gents, and went in the cubicle with the child.

I would not dream of setting foot in the ladies toilet myself (except when I was younger and seriously drunk)