don't know if i am in love

[rocky_dude23]

at the moment im with this amazing girl and i when im around her im happy and smile alot and i say to her i love her and that and she says it back but when im not around her i don't feel the love for her near my heart i kno i love her in my mind or at least i think i do and i keep confusin myself and i feel bad every now and then cause i kno she loves me and im not sure if absolutely love her i mean if i think about us breakin up im like no way i like bein with her but i just dnt kno if i am totally in love with her or just about or what i dunno i just think im bein stupid can any1 help me out

[Octavius]

Well firstly you don�t say how long you have been together, but in any event, just take your time and enjoy the experience. It might be love, it might be lust, or maybe you just simply enjoy her company and would do so as a friend. There is no particular rush to be committed to love. That will be a different stage in the relationship, and you�ll know when it arrives or if it is never going to. Even then, feelings can change later on, so just take it easy and stop getting your knickers in a twizzle.

Providing you enjoy each others company and both want to be in a relationship with each other, and there is no mistrust or hurt, then go with the flow and enjoy the ride (so to speak).

[rocky_dude23]

we've been together 2 months yesterday and 1 thing thats makin me feel even worse is tht we've had sex and i dunno i don't wanna feel like thats all i want from her cause its not i love her bein with her cause b4 we started goin out i was thinking to myself i relli wanan go out with soemone cause i felt relli lonely, we love holding each other in our arms but i dnt kno my mind been weird lately and i dunno if ive just been thinkin about that cause i put it in my head that i don't love her entirely but thanks man i understand what u mean and ill try my best to please her cause i dnt wanna c her upset or anything

[Octavius]

2 months is early days, she would probably be surprised that you are getting so worked up about it. She will probably have guessed that a bit of nooky is not all that you are after � or at least is hoping. Maybe she doesn�t care and just likes your company and one-on-one attention � only you could determine that really. Make the most of it.

Sometimes it can be a natural defence mechanism that somehow tries to stops us having emotions that we cannot control. So whilst your heart and mind are telling you that you are having feelings of love, your mind is also trying to stop you being swept along into a false sense of security.

Take every day as it comes and your feelings will develop one way or another and one day � maybe with her, maybe not - you�ll be swept along with the tide of emotions and will just say soddit, I like this feeling and I am happy. This is the one.

[rocky_dude23]

she doesn't kno im thinkin this i darnt say to her cause i dnt wanna upset her cause ive told her i love and she means the world to me if i say oh blah blah blah she'd get upset and i dnt want tht i just feel bad cause im thinking this way, oh i c but i remember b4 when i was in love with some1 or at least i think i was i felt the feelin of love right near my heart and i dnt feel tht now with my gf u kno i dnt feel entirely connected with her and thats another reason y i feel bad why does our heart and mind do this? i mean fine i can accept she may not be the 1 for me u kno for the rest of my life but i just feel bad cause i dnt think she's the 1 and when i c us like in a years time id love tht adn itd make me happy its just the feelin of love is all there and i kno like u sed i gotta give it time i will and i will make the most of it i relli appreciate wat u sayin m8 thxs

[Scarlett]

I have been in this situation- in my opinion, you are just not in love with her! But if you are young and happy and having a good time, why analyse it? Just go out with her, have fun and don't analyse it. If the nagging voices in your head keep telling you that you aren't being fair, and that you are only with her until you meet the love of your life, maybe don't go out with her for ever. But the problem is that you have TOLD her you love her- so now she is probably planning the wedding.
How old are you?

[rocky_dude23]

but y arent i in love with i relli want 2 be truely in love with her cause she makes me relli happy, im 17 and she's 16 and i kno i kno im young and tht but i do consider myself as an adult all i want is to be in love tht wud make me happy and somthing more to live for, may i ask how ur situation went

[Bohne]

STOP putting that pressure on yourself!!!

You are happy when she is there, you smile, what more do you want?

You don't stop being an individual, just because you have a partner, so it is OK, to not think about her constantly, not miss her every second, when she's not there.
Because you still have your own life to live.

Just enjoy what you have while it lasts!

My husband (who I love more than anything in the world, apart from our son) is abroad for four months at the moment.
That does not mean, I have to be miserable while he is gone.
I go out with friends, I enjoy myself, but I am also looking forward to him coming back.
That is perfect love for me!

[Scarlett]

I was with one boy for 18 months and another for 3 years and was not in love with either of them! But I was young- 18 and 24, and had no desire to marry either of them- I just was going out with them cos we got on well and had fun. The relationships ended eventually for various reasons. But having said that, I'm now 38 and I wouldn't waste my time with anyone for that long again, who I didn't love- but that's because I now have a body clock!
Without sounding patronising, yes you are virtually an adult, and you will go out with many other girls in your life- this is just one. Enjoy it for what it is, have fun and don't analyse it. When I look around at all the 17 year olds I teach, most are in relationships. But will they marry those people? No! They are just having fun, having sex, and learning about relationships. If you only go out with someone you are in love with, you may be waiting a really long time. Try not to worry so much.

[rocky_dude23]

thanks guys i will try my best not to analyse evrything and ill try to go with the flow i think its just cause i keeping thinkin about it tht is makin it worse, and wen i do think about us not bein together and breakin up i just cnt imagine evry now and then me bein without her, i just dnt like hurtin ppl's feelings and feelin bad but i suppose thats just 1 of those things

[teag1rl]

I think maybe in he future you should hold off on the 'I love you' bit until you really do love that person. Just enjoy this relationship for what it is, but if you really don't love her then let her down gently.

[beso]

This experience is part of your life experience of learning about love. You are thinking about what you are looking for in a relationship and that is a good thing.

But you can get too analytical. Like playing music, the best experience of love comes when you understand the dynamics but don't think about them at the time.

You are right to hope that the person you eventually form the deepest bond with is someone who makes you go weak at the knees. In my experience this kind of attraction happens quite early. If it isn't happening after two months I suspect it isn't going to happen.

However many good marriages are built on a foundation of mutual respect and generously senstive love-making even if the profound almost debilitating power is not evident. Some of us connect deeply while others connnect widely and in the end it is still love.

There are those who passed up a wonderful person who loved them in the hope of finding someone they loved with a deeper passion only to end up alone because they never experienced their expectations in anyone they ever met. Sadly the one who loved them so often goes off with a person who does not treat them as well nor love thm as their beloved could have. Sad for both of them really.

[beso]

contd ....

You can certainly grow to love some who truely loves you. But you have to let it happen. Are you ready for that kind of connection. Are you willing to let it happen within you. It more often the lack of this willingness that inhibits more reciprocal affection than a shortage of animal attraction.

Of course we all hope for someone who connects with us both deeply and widely. But there are also those who long to connect deeply but have never met the right person or it was just never the right time.

We meet a few people in our lives that could have been "the one" but it just wasn't the right time. Sometimes we hurt them and regret it forever. It is all part of lerning about what love means. But hopefully we get it right with someone who ignites our deeper passion for life.

We forgive those we share the journey with and we must forgive ourselves for getting it wrong. I think you probably went too far too fast with this girl and you are both responsible.

Love is also about communication and respect. You obviously have a lot of thoughts about love. Talk to her about what love means. Explore the philosophy of love with her. It will be good for both of you and in the end if you do go your separate ways (and you probably will) it will not be such a painful experience.

And you never know, when you really get to know her at this level you might be pleasantly surprised by your own affection for her.

Stop lookiong for it and let it happen if it is going to. Enjoy the journey together and understand what this realtionship means to each of you.