Would you ask someone to change?

[Sasha13]

This is a hypothetical question - If you met someone and there was a minor aspect about them that you didn't like, ooh I don't know - they wore chunky gold jewellery which you hated or they had a particular mannerism which you didn't like - would you try to get them to stop (if so, how) or would you be of the opinion that it shouldn't matter if all the 'major' things were ok?

[Soph20]

Thats a tricky one. I think I would try and let them know that I wasn't keen in a subtle and unhurtful way.

I always wonder how people agree on things like what colour to paint the house etc lol but I guess its just comes down to compromise.

[Bohne]

I would let the person know that I did not like it!

That is different to asking him/her to change.
What they do with the information is then up to them.
They might decide that they can give up whatever it is to please me, they can decide that they stop it while I am around, or they can decide that it is to important to them and they will keep doing it.

If it is something minor, as you say, I will not stop liking them, as obviously that 'thing' was part of them, when I met and started to like them.

[ethandron]

when we first met and then got married, my husband didn't like the way i had my hair cut - a very short crop (i still have it this way 35 years later). i just used to smile and say well, it's my hair so i'll have it how i like. he would comment each time i got it cut, but i never changed it.
i suppose then, i think that if it's not a major thing, or something which has a huge impact on you, then it's all part and parcel of the person and you should let them do what makes them happy without trying to change them. if you can't ,then perhaps you have to ask yourself if you can put up with whatever it is, or walk away.

[Scarlett]

If they were my colleague or friend- no! What right do I have to tell someone to change? If it was a family member or partner, then yes I think I would!! If it was something I couldn't bear to live with, I would have to say something. For example, I have a sister who sniffs disgustingly all the time. So when she does it now I shout at her!! I think it is because it was ingrained in us as children- I had to share a room with that noise for 16 years!!

[Ethel]

I would only comment if it were a close friend or family member - and then it depends what it was.

The choice of clothing or jewellery wouldn't bother me at all, but some things I cannot bear - toenail picking, for example, makes me rage.

[Oneeyedvic]

I wouldn't ask them to stop - but I would point out the habit and explain why I didn't like it (eg the gold makes you look like a prat!)

[joannie10]

an ex of mine did not have much interest in clothes when I met him but obviously was dressed to my liking the night I met him. Anyway when we were dating he always insisted in paying which i am a bit uncomfortable with but also did not like to make a fuss so I just started buying him little thank you's like a nice t shirt or whatever. Just a subtle change but he started taking more interest and buying nicer/different things. Would have to be careful not to offend but something small could be changed.

[muppeteer]

it depends on what it is. i would never pull someone up over their choice of jewellery/clother/hair cut as this is their choice. if a bf told me to wear certain clothes or get a different hair cut then i would consider it controlling.
if they kept farting/burping in my face or picking their nose, then asking them to stop is just asking them to be considerate.