neighbour now friend

[bubbles4920]

i moved to a new house and my neighbour (next street) has now become a good friend but i just cant get any time to myself. she wants to do something every day, whether its walk first thing in the morning, do lunch ( i want to lose weight) or just hang out every day. ive started making up appointments etc to go to but i cant go on like this forever. im an only child and like being on my own sometimes, im the only one she knows. we get on really well but i dont want it to become a daily habit. any ideas what i can do to get some space?!

[IggyB]

make plans with her first e.g. you set the rota - its easier than saying no - don't bother making up any excuses just send a nice text message asking her to meet up for lunch in 3 days time or something... she'll agree and you say great see you then. If she randomly turns up just say "oh thought we were meeting up on wednesday etc" - then on the lunch do the same thing for three more days time. she'll get the message soon enough that you want to see her but my appointment only - and she can't be annoyed with you because you are contactly making plans with her so you'll stay friends..

[bubbles4920]

thanks for that Iggy, just dont see though how i can get out of the walk thing every morning and she knows im not busy as such during the day, she just sits around on her own so wants to get out the house, to go for lunch that i dont want or to go shopping etc. when i lived by a neighbour before who didnt work in the day, she constantly knew i was in cos saw my car there. it was so bad that i had to say that i was helping my hubby out at work and said we drove in together. i then would have to stay in all day. what is it with me, am i just too kind to people?? i may even have to say the same thing here or make up a new group of friends so i can just go off on my own!!!

[bubbles4920]

btw, meant to point out, she doesnt randomly turn up on my doorstep, calls to my home phone or cell phone are enough to track me down, if i dont answer then i have to fine an excuse and dont want to have to do that!

[bubbles4920]

any more answers please im desperate! been in bed in all day hibernating now ive had the day to myself and given myself a splitting headache stressing about it!

[gelda]

Have you got one of those gadgets that tell you who is calling, if so if she rings don't answer it unless you want to see her, after a while she should get the message. it will probably take time but it'll be worth it in the end. The only other thing to do is tell her straight that you enjoy her company but also need a lot more time to yourself, I think the latter would be the best way, don't let it stress you, you have to be honest with her or you'll end up a nervous wreck.

[boboafc]

just move to a new house again

[gelda]

Very helpful I don't think.

[skyep]

Hiya bubbles - You sound a very caring person. Unfortunatly you're going to have to get tough! Think about it, your friend is not being very thoughtful about 'your' needs, so there comes a time when you just have to be honest with people! Why let her stress you out? Easier said than done I agree. I use to be like you, it gets easier to deal with as you get older, you just think I can't be arsed with this! lol! Just do it! xxxxx

[bubbles4920]

i just dont know how im going to do this! i was out with a group of girl friends last night, my friend/neighbour being one of them. i kept looking at her and thinking how nice she is and i dont want to hurt her feelings. she likes to eat lunch everyday, i dont want to as i have a main meal with my hubby in the evening and need to lose some weight too! i think i will tell her that if she wants to walk then i will let her know, if i have pressure put on me then i tend to do the opposite plus i do prefer to go on my treadmill , sweat alot and blast my music as i feel like ive done something. if i dont answer the phone to her, yes i can see her ID come up, then she will think it rude that im ignoring her and not getting back to her,mmm a hard one. i wish she would find other friends to walk/do things with! im a bit funny re friendships, i think its difficult to strike a balance, after all it wouldnt be fair to want to do something only when i wanted it and vice versa. just how isit supposed to work!!??

[bubbles4920]

just knew it, hubby wanted to go out for lunch yesterday, knew my neighbour/friend was taking her visiting friend there. she pointed out that i no longer wanted to walk with her, i had my chance and said its dont call me, i'll call you and that i liked going on my treadmill. she then said her hubby was out of town sun til tues evening and for me to call her.if i dont call her she will think i am rude though i am going through a very bad time at the moment as a relative of mine is dying. i want time to myself but i cant use my relative thing forever. we have had a very short intense relationship so far almost seeing each other every day, i like being on my own, after one day she doesnt and gets bored and wants to do something. any more ideas what i can do, this is making me ill, stressing me out, im not going to come out and say things outright to her though, im not that kind of person.

[bubbles4920]

any more ideas welcome!