Dealing with death

[LeedsRhinos]

Why is it as Humans we are so inept at dealing with death when it is the one & only thing you are guaranteed when you are born? Do animals mourn for years over a lost one like humans do?

[Oor Wullie]

Because we have feelings. And yes I do think animals have feelings also. We had two dogs. Brought up together. When the oldest died the younger one wandered around the house looking for him for weeks. To this day he still lets out a scary howl now and again. I am convinced he's looking for him.

[RevShirls]

I think for those who have experienced the death of someone close, the pain of separation is the worst thing. We just don't want to lose them. For those dying, the emotion is often a fear of the unkown. What will it feel like, will I suffer, is there something else after this. Death is also so impersonal nowadays. In days gone by (and still nowadays in more rural locations and in some cultures)people were more involved when a loved one died - washing, preparing the body etc. These days many of these things have been taken out of people's hands, whether they like it or not. Very soon after a loved one dies, the body of their loved one is taken away (by hospital staff, funeral director etc). I believe that people should have as much (or as little) involvement as they want in preparing the body of their loved one, combing their hair, sitting silently with them, or whatever. Some funeral directors are very accomodating about this but sadly, some are not. As for animals. They do grieve too. Not sure whether their grief lasts for years although I am always moved by stories about Greyfriars Bobby, the wee dog who lay by his master's grave for many years.

[Yinzer]

Yeah, I think the reality of death is taken away from most people, thus making it more frightening. I hear the occasional comment from those working with the elderly or terminally ill, as well as the coroners about how such closeness with death gives them a better perspective on life. As for the animals I remember seeing a documentary on elephants about how deeply they mourn for the dead in their herd, as well as stopping mid-journey when they come across another elephant's remains and showing a clear contemplative remorse.

[christina801]

I heard that elephants can visit their loved ones deaths for about 2 years or so after they die. I dont know maybe its longer. But, yes animals do mourn.

[andy hughes]

Our lack of ability to deal with death is due to the depth and complexity of our feelings and emotions. It is made worse in Western society, where people are supposed to be 'over' it after about six weeks, and we thrive on being 'brave'. I personally favour the Eastern culture method - have a good howl, and get the neighbours round to howl with you - far more healthy.

[el duerino]

because we are conscious of our own mortality whereas animals debateable aren't. I don't know if anyone watched that massive nature program, but it really brought home the scale of life and death on this planet. In the time you read this, thousands of animals and people will have been born and died. In a way I find it a comforting thought. Although I don't fear death, the thought of being separated from the people who I am close to and the pain they would feel upsets me.

[bluedolphin]

How we Die ....a book published a few years ago by a doc in usa is a refreshing read...he takes u thru the way we die....going thru the usual breakdown of the body system....why older people sleep with their mouth open etc...after reading it I felt strangely relieved ??????

[bluedolphin]

OOPs forgot to mention he pays a lot of attention to dying in this day and age...big cities...families separated by distance ... and how people are getting to see less and less death and as a result no being able to build up the acceptance of death ..... so when it comes to a loved one it can be very very devastating.

[nykkieberry]

When my Nan died in July my Grandfather wanted to have a wake at home where the body is laid out in the dining room and everyone stays up all night reminiscing, paying respects and keeping vigil. We all objected; it seemed morbid, disrespectful (my Nanna was a very private person) and distasteful. Deep down, we were also a little scared of spending the night with a dead body. However, we went ahead for my Grandad. It was one of the most moving, important and magical nights of my life. There was no fear; it was like having her back in her home in our company. We laughed and cried and said goodbye. She wasn't lay in the mortuary on her last night with us; she was in the company of her friends and family and the people who loved her. It was incredible and extraordinarily healing. I think we have lost so much of this important process by sanitising death to make it more 'bearable'. Ironically, spending more time with the deceased is a fantastic way of coming to terms with their death. I also think that Andy is right - Westerners are not allowed to be seen to 'lose it' or wallow. Yet this is a perfectly normal manifestation of grief.