Can a r'ship survive cheating?

[JJy2k]

Can a relationship ever survive one or the other people cheating on the other? Would it ever be the same again or is it over even if you want it to work? Im not married, just in a long term r'ship and found out my partner has cheated on me 3 times earlier in the year. She admitted this too me. What do I do?

[Bathsheba]

3 times with the same person, or with 3 different people? x

[JJy2k]

apparently 3 different people while out clubbing / drunk, No excuse i know.

[Bathsheba]

Sorry JJ, but it's not looking good! You say "this year"- which means in the last 8 months.............

[JJy2k]

Apparently between january - april. I love her dearly.

[Ice.Maiden]

There must be something wrong in your relationship, even if you haven't a clue what it is. You need to sit down and ask your partner if anything can be done to salvage what you first had.
Do you live together? If so, do you help her out with the housework/any children?
Do you take her out and make her feel special?
If you've done your best, then maybe it's time to move on, sorry.

[JJy2k]

Im 22, she's 19. We both live at home cos we have no choice. She sais nothing is wrong, it was purely because she got drunk when out clubbing and it just happened. We've been 2geva over 2 years. She has apologised and is mortified with herself. But will i ever get what she has done out of my mind? Is it too late?

[EngTeach]

Sorry JJ, but having come out the other side of a relationship like this I can only say it does not get better. People cheat because they can. Sometimes something is lacking in the existing relationship as Ice stated, but often something is lacking in the cheater. Usually it is self esteem though they may not project this on the outside.

My ex grew up in a home where dad cheated and mom allowed it for many years. He knew it was wrong, saw the pain his mom had, yet repeated the same behavior. he is married now and still does it.

[JJy2k]

Yeah i understand. She lacks confidence like you wouldnt believe and male attention would be a replacement for other things i guess. We've had the best r'ship up til now and I know she is so sorry. I just dont want to give up on it, Are ther ever any happy endings when this happens. Could it survive?

[cazzz1975]

if she was sorry she would not have done it after the first time, personally I feel that relationships are damaged by infidelity, the trust and the bond you have disappears.

I have no doubt you will try to make it survive but the trust issues will continually niggle you, it wont be the same as before, there will be more arguments.

I personally would have walked away with my dignity

[banjobabe]

Hey JJ,

In my personal experience, once a cheater always a cheater. Save yourself more heartache.

She can only cheat on you if you let her.

I know it's a very hard decision to make but things won't change.

Best of luck to you.

Bb xx

[leggysback]

no trust


no relationship


no chance

no option


end it

for good





did this help ?�?

[tigwig]

Sorry to say this but I don't think you have a future with this girl. No matter what her problems are its no excuse. You don't cheat if you are happy and love and respect the person you are with. I mean 1 drunken night maybe an exception for some people but to do it 3 times in 8 months is a p*ss take. I have been with my hubby for 14 years now and no matter how drunk I am when I rarely go out I would never ever cheat. I feel guilty if someone attempts to talk to me! Dump her while you still have some self respect left. It will be hard at first and she may beg you not to but you deserve to find someone who is in love with you and doesn't feel the need to get cheap kicks elsewhere. Be strong, you are only very young go and have fun, you will find someone else in the end.

[obNOXious]

Yes of course your relationship can survive, but you need to understand thoroughly why it happened, and deal with her immense insecurity to make sure that it doesn't happen again. No-one is perfect, very good, earnest people sometimes do very horrible things which they wish with all their heart that they had not done and would do anything to take back.
If this is the situation with your girlfriend then if you both work at it, without reprisals or judegments, together you can of course come through the other side of this, sometimes far stronger.
Don't allow pride and hurt destroy something this precious to you, at the end of the day this is in the past now and after relevant discussion about how to help her gain self esteem and about maybe making sure she doesn't go out and get hammered so that her judgement is impaired, you should leave it in the past.
I guarantee you that in ten years time this won't matter at all if the relationship is good from heronin, but it will take commitment and work by both of you to ensure that happens.
Don't let the person you love slip away because of a mistake.

[Beanmistriss]

or three mistakes? I have been hammered many times and managed to control myself each and every time and never cheat. My ex had a ***** childhood and used to sh@g around, punch holes in walls, drag me round by the hair etc etc. I loved him to bits and always made excuses to myself as to why he did it to try to make it ok in my head. It wasn't and in the end I realised that it didn't matter what his issues were it was an unacceptable way to behave and I deserved better. You can keep giving her chances and she may never do it again, that would be fab. Chances are she will though. If she keeps it up your self confidence will plummet, it'll destroy you inside. You might still have her but you won't have you. Hope it all works out for you though if you do decide to give it a go x

[lil75]

You ask if there are any happy endings and can a couple survive, the only way this can happen is if you can manage to let go of the past and she starts behaving properly...like a respectable woman, cosd she certainly is not doing that now....in all honesty if someone done that to me 3 times, they would be history, not only that, is she using protection when she does this? You could end up catching something nasty through her drunken madness...im sorry but it doesnt matter how paraletic I have been in the past, I always know what im doing and whats right from wrong...I think your better off finding someone that loves and respects you, cos this girl certainly dont!

[Tups]

Unequivocally No, No, No! Trust is the basis, the bedrock, the corner stone of every relationship. Remove it and there's nothing left for it to grow on. I could quote you numerous examples but won't bore you with details (unless you insist!) How else can I put it:

TRUST IS EVERYTHING! Don't torture yourself any longer. Get out of the relationship and start again, my friend.

[bednobs]

can i just ask you what you mean by "cheating"? Do you mean getting offwith someone else (snogging/groping)
or do you mean shagging?

[JJy2k]

We are discussing things, I shall keep you lot informed.

[Mr k]

Hi JJy2k
If she thought anything of you she wouldnt of cheated on you. She not only cheat once but 3 times and your still there...
Dump her now before she catches something or gets pregnant and says its yours when its another guys...

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