my husband looks

[justawife]

my husband looks at other women, its only for a few seconds but its still looking. i have moved out of our bedroom and refuse to leave the house with him. should i take the kids and leave?

[clarabel82]

you were 15 and he was 37? I'm surprised he wasn't arrested for being a paedophile to be honest.

[mizfiesta]

Just a wife, you are obviously genuinely concerned. Are you sure something else isn't preying on your mind? Something more sinister perhaps? I always say that a womans intuition or that nagging feeling you get when something is wrong, is something to be relied on. Speak with your husband. Tell him how you feel and see how he reacts.

[tomd]

Leave the kids and move out.

[moggyday]

as i'm sure everybody else has said most men do this, is usually means nothing. if you look around you will probably notice other men who are with their partners looking at passing females. this doesn't seem enough of a reason to leave, are there other issues you have not mentioned? its really more about your own lack of confidence than what your husband is up to. be honest do you have a good look when you pass an attractive man? you need to look into why you have such a problem with this issue.

[bernardo]

The fact that the questionner claims to have been married at an age when it was not legally possible proves that the whole story is a spoof, joke, wind-up, fantasy, etc.

[Scarlett]

Realise that the most basic man is programmed to be attracted to young, nubile women. Women who will bear them many children, and will be in good health. That is why men are seemingly more attracted to blondes- blonde hair signifies youth. Small, perfect features that models have, signifies children's features. Men are programmed to fancy youthful, blonde girls with pretty faces, as they will be the best bet for producing healthy babies. It doesn't make him a paedophile, I just think he is a really "basic" man. Is he a Taurus, perchance?!

[Lindy Loo]

Hi justawife, I think alot of the problem with your insecurity comes from what happened between your parents. This has obviously left a huge mark on you. I would suggest seeing counsellor or Doctor as soon as possible as it sounds like you may be depressed. Its a horrible thing to go through but with the right help you will feel alot better and more in control. (I've had it for years on and off) Have you tried talking to your husband about how you feel? *Why did you marry at 15? *What were you trying to escape from? *What are you so scare of? *Why are you so frightened and jealous when your husband glances at other women? Your husband obviously cares alot for you and the children or he would have strayed/left long ago if that's what he wanted. I really hope you feel better about all this soon. Good luck and take care.

[zgma]

Lindy Loo, that's a very compassionate answer. justawife, I would second other peoples' suggestions that you look into counseling. Since your parents had problems with fidelity, I think a lot of this is about them, and therapy would help you separate your fears based on your parents' mischief, and real issues in your relationship. Also, since you got married so young, and your husband is so much older than you, I wonder whether there is a big power differential in your relationship, and you are having trouble with him looking at other women because that's a way for you to have some power. And I also wonder what is going on for your husband - i.e., why a 37 year old would have married a child of 15, and whether there is something to your concern that has to do with an addiction to very young women. All these are just speculations; I may be way off. But your situation seems to me to have a lot of different facets, and therapy would really help you sort out the issues with someone who is trained to help you do that. Best of luck to you.

[Yinzer]

I agree that men in general are supposed to look at other women (even with wives present). It sounds like your parents really left their mark, but also maybe you sense deep down that something is going sour between the two of you. Is it your sex life? Is it your ability to have a regular conversation? Or is there something about yourself that you feel especially insecure about? I went through a period where not only had I gained 50 pounds (through pregnancy) and grew highways full of stretch marks, but also was in a weird time when it seemed like ny husband and I had not much to say to eachother and I would get all bent out of shape over his "observation" of other women. Needless to say I couldn't change his habits. But I don't think you're helping the situation by turning it into a federal case. If there are other things that tell you that you don't want to be with him then by all means follow your instincts. Maybe you just regret ever having married him in general? Just don't assume that the only thing bothering you is his looking around.

[spainlads]

Remember this - It's ok to window shop, but never use your credit card.

[cheyenne]

when he starts looking at other men,then you might have a problem.no i dont think you are unhinged,jealousy is a natural emotion as long as it doesnt get out of control.i think you have had some really nasty answers.take no notice.

[Oor Wullie]

You are paranoid. I look at other women when I am out with my wife. We all like to window shop. Just because he looks doesn't mean he's interested. By the way, the Mrs and I just celebrated our 32 wedding anniversary.

[bluedolphin]

Perhaps he gets his appetite out and eats at home????? anyway I thought men dress to impress women and women dress to impress women...am I wrong???

[justawife]

i live in pennsylvania and with a parents signiture(sp?) you can get married at 15. it wouldnt bother me if he was looking at people over 18, but that is not the case. all i am thinking about is if he makes a mistake with someone under the age of 18. he could get arrested, go to jail, and that would leave my children and myself with nothing. there is a definate power struggle between us. i gave him power to control me (back when i was a teenager) but now i want it back. i didnt realize what i was doing at that time. he always says "do as i say or say goodbye to your children cuz youd be so easy to replace". would that not make you worry bout him looking?

[jills]

guys, this has got a horrible ring of the Jerry Springer to it. She comes on, seems paranoid and out of order, crowd (Abers) not on her side, then they bring on hubby and you just KNOW that something is wrong. The more you read from justawife, the better a picture you get of this marriage. At first I thought she was over-reacting massively but now.....I'm not so sure. justawife, go for counselling with your hubby, get to the root of the problems between you two, and see if it can be worked out. I'm not sure how much your husband would want to sort this, given his use of that quote you gave us from him - there's not much respect, or affection there it seems.

[zgma]

justawife, What you are describing from your husband is abusive behavior... the "do as I say or say goodbye to your children" bit. Even if he doesn't hit you, he is doing emotional violence to you by exerting that level of control over you. I suspect too that he insults you, and does other things to get your self esteem low. This is very typical of abusers. If this rings true to you, you might try calling the National Domestic Abuse hotline: [phone] and see what advice they have for you.

[Lindy Loo]

Hi justawife Just read your post about the marriage regulations in your state - here in the UK the age limit is 16 with parental consent and 18 without. Your husband certainly sounds like an emotional bully and he's manipulating / blackmailing you and, if I read correctly, there is the implication of violence towards you. No wonder you feel so scared about the whole situation. I agree with zgma now that you have felt able to say more about what is happening. Please take his advise and call the helpline number he gave, at least for advice and to find out how they could help if you decide to leave with the children. My last partner was like it and it drove me into the ground. We were only together 18 months but its taken 2 years to recover. My children were 14 and 15 at the time (it wasn't their father) and they were affected by what was going on. With hindsight I am so thankful he went off with my best friend, though I didn't think or say that at the time. (If I posted what I thought of them I'd get banned for life!!!!) If anything I am stronger now than I have ever been, so really he did me a favour, BUT I'd never tell him that of course!! Take care

[justawife]

thank you all so much for your helpful advice, i have decided to leave him. i dont want my children growing up like this. my sons r already displaying disrespectful behavior towards women. its gonna take me a few weeks to get things in order but i will do it. i asked my mom for help and she called my husband and ttold him, how nice that was. my dad said he could help but id have to pay him, i need to get money, not give it away. so ill just slide a couple hundred dollars each week until i have enough. i called the local police to get a pfa but i cant unless he hits me, which he never has. so im on my own, scared ********, nervous wreck, but surprisingly happy with myself. again, i want to thank you all.

[jills]

GOOD LUCK! Sending you big hugs from over here in Scotland. Let us know how you get on, and keep in touch. Wishing you and the kids all the very best.xx