Post abortion troubles

[karmgirl]

Colleagues know that I have had an abortion and it was 2 years ago. I feel like they are still talking about there own kids in such a way that is just to get a reaction out of me re: my abortion. Like for instance, all 3 of us were involved in a conversation about having wood flooring as opposed to carpet at home and we were all involved in the conversation until one of them says well I have got kids so wood flooring is so much easier than carpet and then my other colleague was agreeing and saying how much easier it was too because she has a child too and as soon as the conversation turned to kids I am immediately left out. I think the way they were looking at each other with grins on their faces when they brought kids into the conversation signalled that they both knew that I would not be able to contribute. I am not paranoid either and I am not obssessing over this its just I genuinely feel thats what they are doing. I hate to think they would do that but I still think they might be. Question is what do I do? 2 options - speak to them about it or change my job?

Please only nice comments. If your not going to be nice don't bother posting I will only have a go at you.

[redcrx]

karmgirl, weve been here before hun. Im sure that if these women were wanting to deliberatly upset you re your abortion then they wouldnt faff around talking about flooring types and their kids.
you need to accept that this is probably your own worries about the abortion that you are projecting and that they really arent doing anything other than having a chat about florring and their kids.

You need to speak to someone about this, did you talk to your colleague you mentioned before about how you felt?

[ummmm]

The fact is wood flooring is more practicle if you have young children. I think you're being paranoid.

[andy-hughes]

I agree with redcrx.

I think you have unresolved issues concerning your abortion - as i am sure every woman who has one must do.

This manifests itself in your sensitivity to conversation about the most mundane matters of domesticity. I agree with redcrx on this point too - women in a grgoup who want to make you feel bad about a life choice you made would not be so subtle as to engineer conversations in this way - they are fare more likely to be more pointed and direct in their remarks, maybe even discussing abortion directly and confirming that they would never consider such an option.

This is making you unhappy, and it needs to be addressed.

Please see your GP about getting some professional counselling to deal with your feelings about your abortion. Until you can set this matter straight, you are not going to be happy with your life, and moving jobs will not solve this issue, simply change its venue.

Hope you can sort this out.

[4getmenot]

well I havent had an abortion so does that mean I would also not be able to join in conversation as I have no children?? Karmgirl I;m sorry to hear you are still finding it difficult, everywhere you go will be the same, it seems you are the problem and are looking to much into things. as I;ve said before blokes sometimes talk about things where I work that I havent a clue about doesnt mean I'd leave.

[karmgirl]

Yes your right about changing job rag, I don't wanna make a hasty decision. Andy, it would be different if I changed job because if someone was to mention abortion I wouldn't have any reason to think they were talking about me cus they wouldn't know I had had an abortion. I don't really want to have to change jobs, but on the other hand it is getting me down a lot but if I confront them, they will either deny it or say I'm being paranoid. I still am not convinced I am being paranoid, because I have spoken to myself rationally, some people in life enjoy playing mind games you know. BTW 1 colleague is male, one is female so its not a case of women getting together and bitching. I appreciate your thoughts and I can see that you all think I'm being irrational, I'm still not sure though. Counselling doesn't help - I've tried it.

[redcrx]

what do you want us to say? We havnt witnissed the conversations to say whether they are intentionally bringing conversations around to upset you. What we can say though is that with a subject as emotive as abortion that if anyone did want to make you feel bad they would do in a much less subtle manner.

As i said before, what happened when you discussed these feelings with your friend before?

[karmgirl]

I know you haven't witnessed the conversations to be able to make a decision redcrx, I wish someone could witness them. I haven't spoken to my colleagues about it, but I am in touch with a friend who is pregnant. Theres nothing anyone can say, I just wanted your opinion and I've got it. x
:-)

[bednobs]

tbh i don't agree with you karmgirl
1) you are paranoid
2) you are obsessing
3) Its your problem, not theirs
4) if you change your job, it will be the same because you will take your insecurities with you

[cazzz1975]

I think you are looking into everything way too much, most people do talk about their kids, Im sure they do have sympathy but after 2 years they probably dont feel they should have to walk on eggshells and can talk about their lives which if you have kids tends to dominate.

whereever you go in life you will have to deal with people who have children, its your attitude that needs to change, not theirs

maybe you need counselling?

[karmgirl]

I am fine with pregnant people or people with kids who talk about there kids when they don't know I 've had an abortion, its because these particular people know I've had an abortion that makes me wonder if they are trying to upset me or if they are just naturally talking about there kids. If they are just naturally talking about there kids I don't mind at all. I just worry about there intentions

[redcrx]

i really really think that they are just talking about their kids and that its your own insecurities making you feel that they are deliberatly trying to upset you.

Im sure there are many women in the same boat as you though but you will get through it.

For all you know they may not even remember now that you had an abortion, 2 years is a long time.

[karmgirl]

I really hope your right xx

[zzxxee]

i no how you feel i had to have a termination once, and my so called friend would make comments at every possible moment.. as it was two years ago it still seems it is effecting you somewhat i would recomend you talk to a help group your g.p shoulds be able to reccomend one... as for your so called work mates i would speak to them about how the termination still effects you and could they offer some advise hopefully they will get the message and stop being mean to you

[redcrx]

Im always right :) surely you must know that by now :)

huge hugs heading your way, i hope you get over this soon :)

[China Doll]

Why should they change their topic of conversation in defference to a decision you made? People with kids talk about their kids. People looking at their flooring needs with kids will choose their flooring with regards to how hard wearing it is depending on the age of their children. I agree entirely with Bedknobs and this is your problem and you will take it with you everywhere you go.

You say taht counselling didn't work for you, maybe you had the wrong counsellor but ultimately you have to find a way to make peace with your decision and accept it. It's you that's looking at things in a sinister way and not your work collegues and you need to find a way to deal with that.

[bednobs]

exactly redcrx, 2 years is a long time in life and immesurable things will have happened to them, and although the abortion and how you feel about it is large for yu, it will be tiny, if not forgotten to them

[4getmenot]

runs in the family :-)

[redcrx]

karmgirl. I have 2 reasonably close friends who i met at the same time.

I was told by a third friend when i first met them all that one had had a termination years ago and one had had a miscarriage.

3 years on and i havnt clue which friend was which! I obviously cant ask and I cant not talk about babies as we are all mums, so i just carry on as normal. I would hate to think that either of them thought i was saying things to upset them

so see, it is quite possible that your colleagues have genuinly put it to the backs of their minds.

[karmgirl]

zzxxee, I think talking to colleagues would help, just need to pluck up the courage. I will try. Thanks everyone xx :-)