Leaving Home :(

[indieanna86]

Hi Guys,

I'm 22 and still living with my parents. Just lately me and my mum have been arguing quite a lot and it just seems like the right time for me to get out, like I have outgrown the place now, so I have been looking at house shares for the past couple of days.

I haven't told my mum this as I think she'd be a bit upset, but what I'm most worried about is whether my parents will be able to stay in our house. We live in a council house, which I pay the rent for as my parents can't afford to. Its a 3 bed house and I'm so scared that the council will turn round and say that my folks have to move to a smaller place, as we have lived in the house since it was built 30 years ago.

Does anyone know if this would be the case? Also, was leaving home for the first time as scary as you thought it would be? I'm getting the jitters but have to fly the nest at some point :(

Any advice would be lovely, thanks guys xx

[CheekyChops]

No, they won't make them move if you leave.

[Rharris9585]

Hi indieanna,

I moved out this time last year aged 22 as well, as I was also getting frustrated living at home and having a few more arguments, etc. I felt terrible at the thought of leaving my mum to live on her own and I very nearly cancelled the whole thing in the weeks leading up to the move. Looking back though, I'm glad I have made that leap, as I used to always put off moving out as something I would do in the future. I've not moved too far either, so it's easy to go back (makes me appreciate things more) and my relationship with my mum and the rest of my family is now on a different level when we all meet up, etc.

It can be a horrible feeling, but I think you have to grit your teeth for a little while and I've no doubt before long you'll look back and think it was a wise move too.

Good luck!

Robin

[coco pops]

I think you should be honest with your mum and tell her you might be moving out. . You have to tell her at some stage , she may be upset but you have to get on with your life. You can't live at home forever just because of the rent etc. Your parents could qualify for some benefits from the gov. Are you sure you really want to move out ? i just wonder as you say you have jitters. Don't move out if you are not ready there is nothing wrong with living at home .

[bednobs]

Hi CC what makes you say the parents wont be asked to move? I dont know much about social housing, but surely it makes a mockery of it if a couple are living in a 3 bedroomed place, but then you hear (on here) of people living in very cramped conditions, ie children sharing bedroom with parents etc. Why cant the people who need a 3 bedroomed place have it, while other people who would now only need 1 bedroom live in a flat or 1 bedroomed house?
Also, surely the rent is more on a 3 bedroomed place, and if your parents cant afford the rent it would make sense for them to go to a smaller place wouldn't it? Lots of people move house, so its not like they would be expecting to have more upheaval than the majority of other people

[DONNA1458]

Bednobs- If you have lived in a place so long it is no longer a house it is a home no matter if private or not, you would make it your own spend money on it. I cannot imagine that the rent would be that different from a three to a two bedroom and I very much doubt if someone is living in a three bedroom would want to downsize. Why should people be put out because of the councils lack of housing.

[indieanna86]

Thanks for the answers so far, the house really is more than just a house to us, its our home and always has been. Its the place my parents brought their kids up, the only place they have lived apart from their childhood homes. We might not own it, but it feels like ours none the less and the thought of another family living there, who might not appreciate it as much as my parents - just breaks my heart!

[luckyman]

maybe ur mum would be upset about u moving out so u should tell her..are you working ?and deep down can you really afford to go alone and pay rent food gas car travel etc?? not saying to live off ur parents but maybe if u can stick around untill u have some money behind u,or if u have a steady girlfriend two of u could maybe rent a place together when the time is right....personally when my son or daughter grows up i will allways want them around me...

[indieanna86]

I am working, as I said, I pay the rent on a 3 bed house as it is so I can afford to move out, but I am looking to share at first, rather than get a place on my own

[Velvetee]

What a llovely son you are to pay the rent. I have two Nephews who are a little older than you and they would happily see their mother out on the street rather than dip into their pockets.

Do you plan to still pay their rent when you move out? This obviously restricts what you can do, as you might want to own your own home at some point.

If your parents are on a low income, maybe they can apply for Housing Benefit or Tax Credits to help them out a bit more.

[bednobs]

donna - i'm not saying its right or wrong, just that i dont understand really. Lots of people downsize when their kids move out of home - its not like they'll be the first! By your reckoning, anyone who ever gets a council house should stay in it till they die because its their "home", which is just ridiculous. would you expect a couple who were in a council place to stay in a one bedroomed flat if their family expanded and had 3,4,5, kids? no, they would expect to be rehoused because their circumstances had changed. Well in this case the circumstances have changed so they should, in my opinion, be rehoused to more appropriate circumstances

[whiskeryron]

indieanna
Be very careful, please check on this with your Council Housing dept. If your name is on the council records as the payee,YOU are the tenent & if you move, the Council are quite in order to let the house to someone else on their housing list.Ron.

[indieanna86]

Thanks again for the answers guys, can I just add that I'm a girl, not a boy!! : D

I've spoken to my mum about this today, and she has assured me that they would not have to move, but would probably have to claim some sort of benefit. If they did have to move, it would be very difficult. My dad doesn't work as he is agoraphobic, which as you can imagine, would cause untold stress on him if he had to leave...

I don't quite think my mum believed me when I said I'd be moving out soon, hopefully that'll change when I start viewing properties!

xx

[indieanna86]

whiskeryron - thanks for the advice, the house in in my mums name, so we are safe there!