If your brother has done something

[karmgirl]

really terrible to you in the past, is it wrong to forgive and forget and still love him?

[redcrx]

it would depend what it was.
My brother can be a real git at times and yet i still love him.
my uncle however is horrible and after 50 years my mum finaly gave up with him, she no longer wants anything to do with him and certainly doesnt love him.

[onlyme26]

totally depends what they have done!

i mean brothers and sisters fight all the time!!

its not wrong to still love them, they are your family!!

whether you forgive what they have done is up to you

xx

[4getmenot]

ha ha I agree with redcrx. funny that :-)

Our bro is a complete weirdo and can go from being nice to er trying to hit me with a chair. lol I can forgive that though he lives away so easy to

[sandmaster]

You can forgive - but you will never forget. Depends how bad the bad things were. In my book family is family - but I have never had to put up with a sibling!!

[evedawn]

Cos harbouring anger and sadness eats away at psyche and soul of the VICTIM (in this case you) i think forgiving and forgetting helps you get over things.

Though it has to be said forgiving is easier said than done!

[karmgirl]

Oh right thanks guys for the replies, kinda regretted posting this after putting this up as wasn't sure if should bring it up but my older brother abused me and even though really bad I do stilllove him and don't know if I forget but not forgive or if I forgive but not forget lol

[karmgirl]

The other post got me thinking about it thats all, the I hate my sister one, thats what made me post it and then after I though oops don't know if I should have said anything as never ever mentioned it to anyone before

[redcrx]

only you know if you still love him and whether you can forgive and forget
No-one here can tell you if thats right or wrong.

[4getmenot]

entirely up to you. But he would not be my bro anymore

[4getmenot]

not mentioned it to anyone???? Not even close friend family. Do you need to talk?

[karmgirl]

Only a counsellor when I started college. Couldn't tell her she just guessed. I don't know if I need to talk, it was about 11 years ago I was 10 he was 12 so guess I've kinda buried it although not altogether I guess as wouldn't have put it on here else. Think its too late to talk though, could never tell my family and they are the only ones worth knowing, I'd hate what they might do to my brother

[4getmenot]

has your bro mentioned it at all?

[karmgirl]

no never

[4getmenot]

Was it just something that could be passed of as him being quite young and not knowing what he was doing? Or did he know?

[sandmaster]

Forgive if you can. To be abused by a family member is a terrible event - family should protect and love, not abuse. The only thing that can be said in mitigation is he was young, but you were even younger. Forgiveness will mean you will be able to move on - but unless you ever get alzheimers you will never forget.

[Bobble1]

It isn't wrong, karmgirl, in fact I think it is a really strong attitude to have....if that really is how you feel, rather than you telling yourself that is how you feel, in order to bury any unpleasant or upsetting feelings, as that would be just as unhealthy as having the upsetting feelings in the first place. I've made that sound really complicated, haven't I?!
Anyway I speak from experience I've been where you've been but still haven't dealt with my feelings about what happened. I can't ever forget which makes it hard, but it sounds to me like you are a stronger person than me.

[karmgirl]

Well, I think and hope it was a case of him being young and not knowing fully what he was doing, also I think he was being influenced by other lads his age on the school bus telling him they'd done things that he hadn't - I think. So that's what I tell myself that he was just young and stupid. I can never be sure if thats true or not and sometimes I think what if it wasn't just him being young what if he will offend again and I think that what if one day I have children and I can't trust them to be on their own with him. I don't know if I could leave my children with him on their own. Just in case.

Bobble - I'm sorry you've been in this situation - was it a family member?

[ddaisy99]

its never too late to get help, arrange for more counseling.

[Tups]

What a dreadful situation to be in! I'm afraid that unless you find a way to address your feelings, this is going to stay with you forever. (I wonder if your brother is going through traumas too??) The trouble is finding the right counsellor to talk to. Some are useless, others are fantastic. Feeling you couldn't trust your brother to be alone with future children is perfectly understandable. I'm sure you can make sure that doesn't happen without making it look too obvious. Your brother probably thinks you've forgotten all about it! (Being a boy, he won't understand your sense of defilement and he probably won't understand your sense of being let down by an older sibling either.)
Airing your worries here was a good first step. I would urge you to go further now and seek professional help. Good luck.