Forgiving & forgetting

[ChocolatChip]

Is it ever possible?
I was with my ex for almost 2 years, and had a best friend for about 3 years. (we were at school together.) And we all got on great. Me and my ex lived together with my family. He was a lazy man. Contributed nothing to the family, didn't work, or pay any rent, just played computer games. He was very manipulative, mentally abusive, and my family felt that he was keeping me ill (with depression) to make sure I didn't walk away.
We had a few parties, and people suspected (although no-one told me that their suspicions until we broke up) but people thought something happened behind my bag with them.
I ended the relationship with my ex, and out of spite, he told a lot of lies to 'convince' my best friend that I was a bad person. (Like I was sleeping around and saying things about her)

Now (about 6 months later) I can forgive or forget either of them. I'm just furious, and I think it's getting me down.
I don't know what to do. I don't feel like I can wait around to feel better about it. But i don't know what to do.
Any suggestions?

[Eve]

Oh hon, it's just horrible when you have that anger you can't do anything about and it just festers, especially when it involved two of the most important people in your life.

I think you need to find some kind of vent for your frustration. First you need to understand your feelings are valid, you've been hurt and of course you will feel angry and all sorts of other emotions.

Then try to focus on what might be lacking in or being forced out of your life to enable you to have so much time to dwell and try and address the balance.

Talking to someone might help. I avoided it for years as I'd got some kind of control over some of my issues in my past like eating problems but there were still lots of things I hadn't dealt with and had shelved in order to just try and carry on and get by.

My GP recommended a private cognative therapist and she is absolutely amazing. It has made a huge difference to me and I couldn't recommend it enough.

So maybe look into to talking things through with someone to try and find a happier way forward?

[tiggertan]

Hi hun, I would talk to oyur friends and ask them what they know. If they are real friends they will be honest and help you. If not. bin them. They should stand by you whatever. I would confront the man when I felt strong enough and ready.
Don't let them ruin your life. You are a much better person than them. Good luck.

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