Husband having affair - how to confront

[GoldHoop]

I discovered on New Year's Day that my husband is up to no good! He had left his mobile phone on the side when he went to the bathroom. He had earlier shown me a message he had received from a mutual friend and i noticed he had a message from someone else but hadn't told me. In fact he had more than one message obviously from females wishing him a Happy NY Darling/Babe and he had responded. One sender was named and there were several messages from just a number - no name. How do i confront him?

[jack daniels]

are you sure he's upto no good - I call a lot of people (same sex & other) darling & such like.
Was there anything in the messages to suggest it was more then you think? you could be jumping to conclusions.
You need more evidence to proove they are not just friendly texts.
What was the message he sent back?

good luck

[zzxxee]

oh dear i would snoop about just a bit longer it doesnt sound like you have enough to go on to say hes definatley having an affair

[GoldHoop]

There were several texts with the "number" entry and i;ve looked through his old mobile phone bills and there were numerous texts and calls to this number since April. On reflection he is also taking a lot of care of his appearance (teeth whitening, tidier shave). I've also had a snoop in his cupboard and found a christmas gift (which i unwrapped - soft toy with little hug written on it - and re-wrapped it). I've not been a very "attentive" wife over the last few years so guess he has gone somewhere else for "comfort". He would kill me if he knew i'd looked at his mobile phone!

[danchip]

he's being very careless if he is havig an affair, ring the number and see what she says

[sqad617]

OK...on his mobile, see if there is a "suspect number" in CONTACTS.......if there is, edit this Contact with your own mobile number, so any texts that he sends her will come direct to your mobile phone.....if there are many suspect numbers, you can edit them all.

[Lakitu]

^^ Oohhhhhh sneeaky!!!!

[danchip]

somebody has experience in this, O2 do a brilliant thing now called blueroom or is it bluebook anyway you can set your phone up so all text messages are saved online, the wife did it to her phone and forgot about it so i can check them and confuse her when i know things she has text people and not told me

[jenniprice]

Yeh alot of people who are having an affair would never leave their phone unattended or a gift in his cupboard.

It sounds like maybe he and some woman have affection for each other but doesn't neccessarily mean they're having a full blown affair.
Maybe he is attracted to her and like the txts but maybe never done anything.

Maybe best to speak to him but dont go to off the wall, unless have more info.

[Dendrophilia]

hello everyone. my beautiful bonzai tree found out I was having an affair with a rose bush when I got drunk, passed out and left my phone unattended. It does happen!

[natalie_1982]

I would be completely honest, but firstly you need to think about what you want - IF he IS having an affair, are you prepared to try and work through it? What if you confront him, he comes clean and then decides to leav you for this woman? Would you prefer to just turn a blind eye? Are you going to want to end your marriage?

Personally, if I was in your position, I would tell my husband that I knew it was wrong but I had checked the phone and could he explain the messages. I would also acknowledge that perhaps there have been problems for a while now (just judging by your last post, although you should not in any way blame yourself if he has strayed xx) and then I would suggest that we attended relationship counselling together.

I'm sorry if that's a bit confuddling, I have a fuzzy head cold and am not reading it right! I hope everything works out for you whatever you choose GoldHoop xx

[GoldHoop]

Thanks for all your replies. I will confront him, but will leave it for a little while. I do want to work things out with him - we've been together over 20 years now and i don't want to lose him - i could probably even live with him seeing someone else if it meant we could be together. I just need to get the timing right and pluck up the courage!

[Joanne81]

"i could probably even live with him seeing someone else if it meant we could be together"

EH?

What kind of eejit are you?

Speak to him - get it out in the open!! Why would you want a man whos having it away with someone?

[pinkkitty]

in response to Jenni Price - my sister in law's affar was discovered when she left her phone on the sofa while she went to make a cuppa. Her husband pounced on it and found all sorts of saucy messages. It does happen, people get complacent, and some just want to be caught.

[Maizy2008]

A mobile phone is a persons private property. If someone went into mine without my permission I'd cut their hands off!

Confront your husband about the whole situation. If you don't you'll just make yourself ill and nothing will be solved.

[Scarlett]

It sounds like you have been having problems that maybe both of you have not faced up to or discussed. If you have not been "attentive" then I think you know he will have gone elsewhere- shallow but true. But surely you aren't really happy with this? It's a new year. Sort it now. Tell him your suspicions and ask him if you are correct. If he is seeing someone else, ask him why. If it really is due to the lack of "attention" you need to work out why you have let this slide. Do you still fancy him? Do you have other issues between you that need sorting? for every day that goes past, there is some woman out there who is convincing herself that he is meant to be with her. If you want him back 100% you need to decide this, and then get him back. How about going to Relate?

[Prudentia]

lidl are doing a good line in poultry shears at the moment, go for em!!!

[sheribee]

just speak to him outright, tell him u kno about the messages and see what he says. I have first hand experience of finding out about an affair via a mobile phone, but they cant lie once the evidence has been put to them can they!
If u think its worth working out then i wish u all the luck in the world xx

[legendis.god]

is he on facebook ?

do we know him?

im guessing its an answerbankers hubby?

d o tell us

[terambulan]

Let him make an idiot of himself but be ready to take him to the cleaners.......time for a new model?

[Prudentia]

time for a good solictor!!!!