I know his secret!!!

[puddicat]

My son and his girlfriend had a abortion!!!

[pastafreak]

I had an accidental pregnancy...it was NOT the time to have kids for us....had an abortion, told sister and brother...but not mum til about 10 years later. WHY??....because I was afraid of her reaction...and did not want to hurt her. Thought she was old fashioned. When I did finally tell her....she was totally understanding.
They are NOT your 'grandchildren ' until they are born....you do NOT have a say in whether or not THEY choose to have a child...it is their descision ONLY. Your whole attitude sounds selfish. It is about their lives ..not yours. ....and contraception is not fool proof...neither are the humans who use it.

[chinadog]

I know you're hurting and angry now Pudd,I was the same but the deeds done. Try not to fall out with your son like I did. I never saw him for 3 years.

[ELVIS68]

pastas hit the nail on the head

[ChuckFickens]

puddi..

Please do not take offense.. but do you not think your being a little selfish. I've know several people that have had abortions and it's not an easy option to take. To make that choice they have probably thought about it a lot and decided they are not ready for a baby. believe me it's a choice that will live with them for years!

I can sympathise you want a grandchild, but it's not your decision and the fact your upset about it says you wouldn't have been the best person to talk to about it.

[puddicat]

yep!!

[Tisha33]

got to agree with sara.....:( they have been thru alot.

a less selfish question would have been "how can i support them?"!
:(

[~max~]

Well said Pasta. The same happened to me, and I would have been absolutely mortified if my "mother in law" or even my mother had confronted me about it.
I eventually told my mother, and she was absolutely wonderful and supportive. I didn't NOT tell her because I was afraid of her reaction, only because we just never really talked about that sort of thing, It brought us together even more.
It's their choice, their life, and not yours.
As Pasta said, it wasn't your "grandchild". Only the IDEA of a grandchild, just like they must have thought about the IDEA of a child. And if you hang on to this idea, you will alienate both your sons AND their future girlfriends.

[puddicat]

tisha they arent seeing each other anymore ex has had a baby by another partner!!

[Velvetee]

I personally couldn't have an abortion if I was in a stable relationship. I'm pregnant now and wouldn't say it was a right or wrong time for me. I never really thought I would have children, but see it as it is meant to be, so the right thing for me would be to have the baby. I don't think I could live with myself if I did away with it.

I guess everyone is different and in some circumstances if you feel the child will be unloved and unwanted, then abortion may be the only solution.

[ChuckFickens]

^ sound advice

[Tisha33]

and still you feel the need to criticizes her???

i do understand you are hurt but why the deep deep pain?
is it a religious thing? humanity thing? your past pains?

just trying to understand more.

[Ice.Maiden]

No, I doubt it's a religious thing Tisha, because both sons've gone through the same experience. Once is bad enough - but twice?

[Tisha33]

oooo ice religious boys make mistakes too ;)

[~max~]

Velvetee, congrats again! But I have to disagree there. I don't think anyone who had a termination can ever say the child would have been unloved. Unwanted, maybe, but had they been kept, they would have been very much loved and wanted, of course.
I think I'm speaking for the majority when I say, the decision not to have a baby is very much based on love.
At that time, the baby you would have had would Of COURSE have been loved, only not provided for as perfectly as should be. Which is the main reason women terminate, I think. Because they wouldn't be able to provide the child with the best it deserves, be it mentally, financially or else.

[pastafreak]

Those 2 girls will live with this for the rest of their lives....believe me...it is one of the hardest choices any woman can make....have some feelings for them!.....and stop going on about the 'perfect ex'......with that attitude is it any wonder they did not tell you????

[Ice.Maiden]

Indeed they do, Tisha, but generally speaking, religious ones wouldn't accept a termination.

[Tisha33]

well......? whats worse the life long stigma of a child born out of wedlock or a termination that hopefully noone will know about? (in a religious setting)

[Velvetee]

Perhaps you are right Max, but these days, it seems to me, abortion is now used as a form of contraception. It's so easy to just go and have one and I've encountered women who have had multiple ones. I guess this is a separate issue though.

Before I became pregnant, I think my view on abortion was different, I suppose I never really thought about it, other than what it was, terminating an unwanted pregnancy. I obviously feel different now, seeing the scan of my baby at 7, 12 and 20 weeks, moving around, with it's heart visibly beating. I think my main bone of contention now, is that it is still legal to have one at 24 weeks. Again a separate issue.