Bereavement - When will I feel better

[Suzannew]

It is nearly nine months since I lost my dear Dad having watching him suffer for three months with lung cancer.  I miss him so much, when will I start to feel better and not wake up each day so depressed and full of doom and gloom.  It is now having a serious affect on my marriage which has a knock-on effect on my family.  I know life goes on and you should remember the "good times" but I miss him so much, he never had those twilight years, he wasn't ready to die :(

[dragonfly]

I am sorry to hear about your loss, it will get better but it will take time. Have you really talked to someone about this, maybe talking about it to someone is what you need just now, even though it will be hard.

I hope you feel better soon.xxx

[FP]

Sorry for your loss.  I lost my dear Dad to cancer twenty three years ago and I still think about him most days.  He was only 60 when he died and like you I regretted he never reached old age.  It will get easier, I promise.  Meanwhile, I think that you do need to see your GP as you probably would be wise to seek some counselling, especially as it is affecting your marriage. 

 

Take care

[NoGood Boyo]

Me too. I suggest that you contact the Samaritans. When I worked for them we had a comprehensive file of support groups that we could refer people to. Samaritans is not just for depressed or suicidal people, just ordinary folk who need a sympathetic ear and some support anf guidance. www.samaritans.org.uk/ Good wishes.

[Kay]

Im truly sorry about the loss of your father,I lost my Mum to cancer 12 years ago and never thought I would feel normal again. Its an old saying I know but time is a great healer and in time you will come to terms with your loss.I had excellent counselling from CRUSE,they even came to me and I had them back when I lost my Dad. They are wonderful people who have lost loved ones themselves so they understand.

[Suzannew]

Thank you all very much for your kind words.  I know I am not alone there must be many, many people feeling like I do out there.  I will try to be positive and from just reading the above postings I feel a tiny bit better already.  Thank you. x

[mullein]

We all suffer the loss of a loved one in various ways, but it is a fact that we all have to die in the end.The circle of life equals death and rebirth. The fact that you loved and miss your father so much tells me what a wonderful man he was.But if he could return and  speak to you for five minutes I am sure he will tell you to move on, to let him live through how you remember him with your family and loved ones. No one can tell you when you will feel bettter but I believe that you are holding on to the negativity surrounding your father's death and only you know the time to let it go. Seek help!    mullein 

[Lindy Loo]

Suzannew, I am really sorry to here of you loss, and wish you well. A close friend of mine lost her father to cancer 3 weeks ago so I can appreciate how you feel. It is always hard to come to terms with the loss of a love one especially if you have seen them in pain.

 

It is easy for me to say, but your dad is no longer in pain and is at peace. Get intouch with your GP and see if he can arrange bereavement councelling for you or as other have said speak to the Samaritains.

 

Good luck and hope you feel a bit brighter soon

Love Lindy Loo

[georgit79]

My stepsister lost her mother to cancer just over five years ago, so I have some idea of what you're going through. She got through it and so can you. She likes to think that her mum is still with her, looking down on her and she knows that when she does something she's proud of, her mum will be proud too. Your dad's still with you, he'll never leave you. You just have to accept that you'll never 'see' him again. That is so hard, but it is possible. Work towards making him proud of you, and you can't go wrong. Good luck, Suzannew.

[Kay]

Please bear in mind that what you're feeling is that sense of loss,its right to grieve,go with your feelings,cry as much as you need,this is all part of the grieving process. Dont hold back your tears as this is a wonderful outlet. I agree that your Dads probably with you and family,if it helps speak to him,he will hear you. My husband actually smelled the strong ointment that my Dad used and it went as fast as it came.Our loved ones never leave us.

[Kay]

Do not stand at my grave and weep.I am not there,I do not sleep.I am a thousand winds that blow.I am the diamond glints on snow.I am the sunlight on ripened rain.I am the gentle Autumn rain. When you awaken in the morning rush I am the uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night.Do not stand by my grave and cry,I am not there,I did not die.

[xxlizziexx]

hiya

im really sorry to hear about your dad. i lost my dad when i was 4 years old ( im 14 now ) to brain cancer. as i said im 14 years old now and it still hurts and i am sad sometimes beacuse of it but its apart of life. death happens to everyone. its a very horrible thing for many people. it will go soon, all the doom adn gloom and im sure your family are surporting you with this and understand why you arnt always happy. this sounds horrible but its true you have to make a really big effort now. i no its hard but its the only way your going to be happy. is your dad going to like it that your upset about him everyday. i doubt it. make a really big effort and keep trying its not going to come easily. i was younge and i still got through it. im no you can to.
hope this helps and sorry again xx

[Suzannew]

Thank you all so very much for all your kind words.  I am going to make an appt with my GP this week.  You are right, if Dad came back for five minutes he would say, move on, be happy.  He adored my daughters and I must be strong for them.  xx