when the evidence is clear why can't I decide

[angel21]

and why do I still care?

41yrs of age

bit controlling ( I think - he says stuff like make me a cuppa love or could you get me this or that when he could probs get it himself - is that reasonable behaviour?)

Sometimes all over me and saying loves me then other times like he can't bear to touch me

Sure he takes the **** out of my wonky lip sometimes

Aborted his child as he didn't want to know ( he has since apologised)

Sometimes feel scared of arguing with him in case he loses the plot (one occasion he was fooling around with sharp objects)

Has cheated on me (more than once I think)

Doesn't always apologise when things he says or does are hurtful or even seem to care

Doesn't seem to respect me

Sometimes think he just wants me for sex

Not always supportive



Good points

Cooks for me

Can be caring, loving and affectionate when he wants to be.

Sexy



hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

[angel21]

I'd like to explain and see what his reaction is and see if he has changed or is willing to change and then if I can forgive him.

I think I need to explain otherwise I will always be wondering if I had of just said to him maybe he would have understood.

I should be fine once I have walked away from him again. should be. Maybe cry a bit a couple of nights but then should be ok. On the other hand its not the outcome I want for him to be gone. I don't like it its weird to know someone so wel, be close and then they are gone and never to be seen again. :(

You have all been a great help and given great advice. Thanks

[rinkins]

Angel, there is a chance he could change, but I think that's highly unlikely at 41. Besides, he is who he is. You are who you are. You either accept each other or move on if you are not compatible. He does seem to have this hold over you but I am sure you will one day feel the same about someone else.

If you need to cry, cry. Try to be strong in front of him, but don't bottle it up x

If you think it can work out then he needs to start treating you with the respect you deserve, and don't believe that you don't. Don't rush it and make sure he is patient with you and learn to trust again if that's the way it is going to go

[angel21]

Thank you rinkins :-) xxx

[rinkins]

I wish I had the answer for you angel x

Or give you a big hug and go out for a good old knees up to cheer you up

[angel21]

You're so kind rinkins :-)

I wish there was a word bigger than thank you cus thank you doesn't express how grateful I am to you and everyone else xx

[ummmm]

There is nothing wrong with asking someone to make you a cuppa. It's when you can tell them to p!ss off and make their own that you know that they are just trying their luck.

[rinkins]

Oh bless! I'm only trying to help! We just want you to be happy x

[jno]

asking for a cuppa is the normal give and take of relationships; the question is more (a) can you tell him to make it himself when you don't feel like it and (b) if you asked him for one, would he make it?

The cheating is a deal breaker for many people; up to you whether you think it is or not. (And again, how would he react if you did it?)

The abortion: well, whose idea was it?

Fooling round with sharp objects? Was he threatening you or not? If so, leave NOW. No two ways about that one.

But actually for me, it would be the lack of respect, the lack of support, and saying - at any time - he didn't want to touch me. That seems to fall well short of the quantum of solace anyone should expect from any relationship. And the list of good points is kind of short, as I think you realise. There are men out there who are sexy and can cook and don't have sharp objects.

[zzxxee]

i think althouh you are 21 and a woman you still have loads of life to experience and to be honest this chap seems like hes dragging you down.It is ultimatley your decission but i would suggest a temporary break and get a personal goal a qualification something just for you and review how you feel say after no contact of three months over to you love

[DEN53]

angel luvie you are only 21 - why saddle yourself with a 41 year old man who, on reading your post, perhaps feels a big man with a 21 year old on his arm. You list more bad points about him than good points.

Have you no family you can go and stay with - I know you most probably think he is the 'one and only' at the moment -but believe me angel you can always find blokes like him. You obviously deserve better - don't settle for a creep who eventually apologises for making you have an abortion.

When you find a lovely boyfriend - you will look back on this period in your life and say 'why did I waste so much time' on this loser.

If I was your Mum, I would kick his ass !!