Old flame

[lainiej]

I'm unhappily married after 7 yrs and recently via Friends Re-united I got a message from a guy I was seeing 30 yrs ago. He was married then and I was single. He is still married but to a different woman.
He lives a long way from me but we agreed to meet up for a coffee when he was in the area with work.
We have texted a few times and we are meant to be getting together again next time he's up here.
I keep going onto Facebook to send him a message - just a chatty one - but change my mind and think
'why should I?' Should I bother ?

[kira000]

In short, no.
It always seems good idea, but really, its so not!

[lainiej]

I should add that we did indeed meet up last Tuesday and had a really nice catchup. It felt as though there was a spark there and we parted with a kiss on the cheek.

[kira000]

He is married ergo you are a bit of fun for him.
Really, been there, done that, sudden mesages from old flames may be flattering at first, and it while it might be good for him to have you,it just means he is bored at home and though you might be wort a try. It will only mess you up and stop you meeting someone decent. You can do alot better than some married old flame who ants a bit on the side!!

[lainiej]

Thanks kira. Youve just told me what I already knew really

[Postdog]

Well, no help at all really.

I have a friend (female) who did just that, and got back with an old boyfriend via FR. They have been together now for years, and, considering how fickle and restless she could be, that's something.

But for me, remember why you broke up in the first place - we all have rose tinted memories, and they may not be enough.

[Velvetee]

Yep he's been married twice and probably is the type who gets bored and likes to play away for excitement. You will probably just end up being another notch on his bedpost.

Don't do to his wife, what you wouldn't have liked done to you during your marriage. If you are unhappy in your marriage, do something about it. The correct thing to do would be to end the marriage and meet someone new when you are unattached.

[Whickerman]

(opens the can of worms)

The contributors above are right, but what if you are meant to be together? I may be an old romantic but it's just possible...

[kira000]

In response to other posters, If he truly thought that you were meant to be together, he would finish with his wife first before trying to be with you. It wouldnt matter that there was a risk you wouldnt have him, as it would only be you he wanted. The fact that he is still with her, means that he isnt willing to have noone...

[No,Knowledge]

being unhappy in your marriage isn't an excuse to sh@g elsewhere.

if you are unhappily married leave and then go looking for , well what ever it is you are looking for.

[Mr Veritas]

He is married.
End of answer.
Unless you want him to commit adultery,then let igo,and frankly isn't going anywhere anyway.
If you are unhappy in YOUR marriage fine,but better go out a find a single man than ruin this old (burnt out) flame's.

[CathH]

It is flattering and lovely that he wants to keep in touch, and with you being unhappy in your marriage, it has given your ego boost.
But I agree with the other posters that we do look at things through rose tinted glasses.
Just be careful that you will not end up being hurt by him as well.

[sandmaster]

No harm in being friends on the internet. Remind each other of happy times. But it would be a real mistake to start a new relationship. you have both changed over the years - best to remember the good times you had and leave it at that. I still remember one girl who devastated me when we finished 30 years ago but I would never want to see her again. I am sure we would both be disillusioned.

[lainiej]

Thanks very much to everyone who posted answers. I'm no marriage wrecker and intend to just be friends. Thanks again x

[sqad617]

lainiej.......there is no such thing as a heterosexual platonic relationship between two people who "fancy" each other.

You only have one life and you must do what you feel beckoning to you.

[Bookworm9]

Don't even go there. He is married and what he is telling you how do you know you can believe????
In anycase, if he can do it to his wife how do you trust him not to do it to you - once a cheat always a cheat, it sort of gets into the blood.
Just one other thing. Put yourself in his wife's position. How would you like it to be you he is cheating on?
Get rid of him fast and find someone more worthy of you because he is not.