Depression or just feeling low???

[CAJ1]

The last few weeks I've not felt myself. I had depression before when I left a violent relationship I had been in for 5 years. I went to the doctors and was prescribed Prozac which I took for a few months..

Recently I saw a photo of my ex and all my fears came flooding back, I forgot what a big brute he was and have been worrying again that he'll find me even though I left nearly 3 years ago. I thought I was past that... I've had trouble sleeping the last few nights, I feel tearful and could cry at the drop of a hat. I feel irritable and am getting annoyed at stupid things like my bf eating noisily and leaving stuff all round the house. People at work are grating on me too. I went out for drinks with friends at the weekend and ended up feeling miserable rather than happy and just wanted to go home. I'm trying to motivate myself to go and exercise but find I can't be bothered - I know I need to be harder on myself and get out!

I changed my pill a month ago and don't know if thats contributing to how I'm feeling. I don't feel like I want to kill myself or not go on, just down and unable to snap out of it. I know if I go to the doctors they'll ask me questions which I'll answer no to such as do I feel a failure (which I don't). Do you think its a small rut I'm in or more? Any tips on picking myself up and carrying on?

Thanks and sorry for sounding sorry for myself!

[PeeBee1]

Hi Caj1

Im sorry to hear you are feeling like this. Can you talk to your partner about how you are feeling? If not maybe talking to a good friend or your doc or even posting on here may help to unload your feelings.

I feel that if you have suffered depression in the past, which i have you are prone to having "moments" of feeling down. I too came off the tablets & with the help & support of my now husband feel great, but still have odd times of being low. I have times of not even wanting to speak to anyone apart from my husband & find people irritating at times.

You will feel better hun, try & think positive.xx

[ILikeSprouts]

YOU MUST go back to your doctor and perhaps ask for counselling. These things can take a long time to get over. I know what I'm talking about, I have had mental health issues for 20 years. There is a big push at the moment to remove the stigma that surrounds all mental health issues so please do not suffer in silence, there are lots of organisations that can support you through what can be a very difficult time. Most people find a combination of drugs and talking therapies the most helpful. Asking you if you feel a failure is not diagnostic criteria for depression or anxiety, it is however, how some people with depression may feel at times,but not all. Hope this helps you a little. Take care :)

[CAJ1]

Hi peebee,

Thanks for your kind words - even they give me a lump in my throat!

I've just booked tomorrow off work and sent my boyfriend a text to say I was sorry for being snappy and I've been feeling crap. I told him I'm coming off my pill too because I think its contributing to my mood swings. I've unloaded to 2 of my friends this morning and on here. I find it hard to discuss how I feel to my other half and friends - I'm better off talking to strangers!

I hate feeling like this and that I could cry any moment. I guess thats when you need to take time out. I just worry that I won't know when to differentiate between feeling crap and being depressed. I know it will pass, just need nice people like you to reassure me. I'm normally so upbeat, just life trys to get you down sometimes!

Thanks PeeBee x

[CAJ1]

I do wonder sometimes if I need counselling ILikeSprouts. Last time I was at the docs they asked me 10 questions, gave me Prozac and sent me on my way. They never told me to come back or offered me counselling etc. I know that some of the ways I think is because of the previous relationship, I am aware of it but don't know how to stop. I find it hard to admit I have a mental health problem but deep down know there is hurt that doesn't go away. Most of the time I am fine and feel upbeat and that I have beaten everything that has been thrown at me but very occassionally I feel like this. I don't want to occassionally feel like this forever but neither do I want to be put on tablets and dismissed again

[PeeBee1]

Caj1, i wish i could give you a big hug & tell you everything will be ok, it will be ok & you will get through this.,I had congnitive behaviour therapy, wich was a great help, they do not give you answers, they ask you questions & you end up answering them yourself & your'e like oh yeah thats why i feel like that.

I too have taken everything life has thrown at me, had low confidence, low self esteem, but i have come through this & you will too hun. I wouldnt say boo 2 a goose years ago, now i stand up for myself & believe in myself & im loving it, so proud of myself, it was always in me but i needed guidance, which i got from the hubby.

When your off tomorrow, get a pad & pen, write down your fears, worries etc then burn them, stay positive xx

[ILikeSprouts]

Sometimes you need to ask. It is very difficult to say"I have a problem" . but it doesn't make you any less normal to admit or even ask for help. Depression is a very misunderstood illness, as indeed it is a very real illness, if it wasn't then treatment for it would not exist. At times I fear the stigma more than the symptoms of my condition. Check out "mind" . They're a very helpful organisation. Talking to counsellors can be really,really useful. I have been on medication several times, I know its not the answer but there are times when I believe it saved my life.

[CAJ1]

Thanks PeeBee, a hug would be good lol! No doubt my boyfriend will hug me tonight and all the tears will come out! I know it will pass, deep down I know to keep my head up above the water and it will all right itself soon. Its tiring, I feel for people who suffer from it all the time. I think I'll make an appointment at the doctors and see if I can either get CBT or counselling. I went through that with my ex and before that I was fostered so I most definitly probably think about things all wrong!

I'm pleased you are in a happy place PeeBee, I know how much of a struggle it can be! I will write all my fears and worries down tomorrow and get rid of them. My worst fear is my ex finding me and killing me, I've had nightmares about it. I just want to put it all behind me but its not that easy. I'll keep on trying though - I will not be beaten! x

[PeeBee1]

No you will not be beaten Caj1, you will get through this.

Can you tell me more about your b@stard of an ex?? Does he live far away from you now?

You are a strong person you have to believe that, yo have gone thru more than me by the sounds of it, but you are still here & you will feel better xx

A good cry & offloading always helps for me.

[PeeBee1]

I am starting a course in councelling in September. I would like to help people the way i have been helped. xx

[CAJ1]

I'll have a look on Mind ILikeSprouts. It is hard to admit that you have a mental health problem. When I was with my family they were the type to dismiss any mental health problem and would have said to pull yourself together. Most of the time I think its happened, I can't do anything and I get on with my life. Other times it hits me like a ton of bricks.

PeeBee, where do I start?! He mentally, physically and financially abused me. He threatened me with hammers and knifes, beat me up so badly he knocked me out once and another time I had to go to hospital. He knew I was fostered and told me no one else would love me if I left him (I think he brain washed me to some degree). When I finally left I had to call the police to get my belongings and that weekend he text and rang me over 300 times. I found myself a flat and then he stalked me until he found out where I lived and turned up banging on my door. I had to call the police and eventually moved house 3 times and went to court to get an order against him which he proceeded to break and only got a rap on the knuckles for. He is several times bigger than me and could easily do what he wanted. I find it hard to talk to my bf about, I don't want to sound hung up in the past unable to move on and I don't want to scare him, he knows some stuff though. I hate sounding like I feel sorry for myself but you have to explain the above so you can see how I got here!

[CAJ1]

Oh and he lives about 15 miles up the road from me and knows where I work

[PeeBee1]

Caj1, This so called man is nothing but a worthless 2 bit bully, who has big issues himself, he is a control freak who needs help, he is worthless & that is why he done what he did to you, makes me so angry for you. he needs help hun, doing what he done to you somehow made HIM feel better about himself and i feel sorry for him in a way, do you know what i mean?? You did not deserve this, you are better than him & you gotta keep telling yourself that.

Do you have an injunction on him & how long has it been since he last bothered you??

You have every right to feel sorry for yourself, you have been through a lot, you just need to get out of this rut of fearing the worst. Please see your doctor & get more CBT.

[coccinelle]

Hi CAJ, there are certain tablets especially the pill which cause depression if you are susceptible to being depressed, no doubt your new pill is one of them. Remind your GP you have a tendancy towards depression and he'll change it. As others say, you'd do well with some counselling to get through your past relationship. Hope you feel better soon.

[CAJ1]

He really is PeeBee and the last thing I want is for him to win by having me feeling like this! He does need help but is highly unlikely to get any. Its 2 years ago since he last bothered me and a year and a half ago since I last saw him in court. I was thinking the other day that we weren't a couple, I didn't love him. I just wanted to be loved and got trapped by him and treated like a prisoner. I wasn't allowed out or to use my phone without his say so.

The injunction against him ran out in February, I was terrified it would all start up again but it didn't thank god. I think I will try and get to the GP to arrange something to help me get past this. I'm in a rut, I don't want to stay there or sink (which is the good thing!) so I'll battle on! I think CBT would be very beneficial, its just whether or not my GP agrees to it

[karma22]

Caj I'm sorry you're feeling so low at the moment ((hugs))

To me it sounds like just a bit of a rut you are in at the moment (but then I'm no expert). It sounds like the picture has just brought things to the forefront of you're mind again and thats bound to stir up some bad feelings and stress for you.

Also like you say the fact that you have just changed you're pill might be contributing too.

Saying that it doesn't sound like you were on prozac for very long so perhaps you do need a bit more support through either medication or counselling.

I hope you are feeling happier again soon.

Always here if you need to talk xxx ((big hugs))

[karma22]

Caj you've been through a really rough time and it does take time to heal!

You and PeeBee are an inspiration to me!

PeeBee - I also would never say boo to a goose at the moment but I know I will not always be like this as I am so determined not to be. You have overcome this and are a stronger person and you are proof that you can change things.

Thanks to you both x

Stay strong CAJ xx

[PeeBee1]

Thats it Caj1, dont let him win by you feeling the way you do.

I know that feeling of wanting to be loved, its hard isnt it!!!

The more you talk to me the more i realise that you are stronger than you feel, you are saying all the right things about not wanting him to win, not wanting to sink etc.

I feel that if he hasnt bothered you it is unlikely he will now, but you prob feel that you are constantly looking over your shoulder dont you?

You sound like a lovely person with a nice bf to help you along the way. xx

I hope everything goes well for you hunny & you reach the happiness YOU deserve, put it all behind you and be happy xx

[CAJ1]

Hi coccinelle, I'm going to google the pill I'm on and see what I can find out about it.

Thanks karma, sometimes things take longer than we would like them to to heal but we get there.

Its nice to know there are good people on here who will listen and be so supportive so thanks everyone.

PeeBee, it is damn hard wanting to be loved especially when you have no family to fall back on! I am miles stronger than what I'm sounding on here. There's probably a similar post to this one a few months back and then happy posts in between! I do have a good boyfriend, the best despite his messyness! I'll probably come on next week and let you all know I'm feeling better!

Thanks everyone xx

[PeeBee1]

Caj1, I hope you didnt take me the wrong way when i said you sound stronger, just read back what i said with what you replied, i didnt mean it like it sounded lol. Of course you post happy things, we all have bad & good days, you dont choose to be sad, down etc. Yes let us know how you are feeling.

Hi Karma
Your confidence will grow also with age, I just wished i had realised sooner that i could be me not what others wanted me to be. I was what you would call a people pleaser. xx

[CAJ1]

Oh no PeeBee, I never thought that at all, don't worry! I just replied with that because normally I am miles more upbeat and I know I'm stronger xx