Stong feelings of jealousy and insecurity

[rebajayne]

Hi, Im having major problems with jealously and insecurity at the moment. It all started when my boyfriend of 2 years has had his daughter to stay for the full week. I don't feel bitter at all towards her and we all enjoy spending time together along with my son and im happy we have formed a strong bond.

It has got worse lately and I feel I can't be in the same room as them because his attention isn't on me, which then I just think I need to grow up. I am also jealous of the strong family bond he has with his family as I don't have that with my family. I think im jealous of what they have as my dad left home when I was 12 (the same age as his daughter) and I missed out on having him around when it mattered.

I am also become obsessed with his movements. As much as we love to spend a lot of time together im wanting to know where is he all the time and can not cope if he goes out with his friends, I feel I should be going out with them and having fun too although I feel its ok to go out with mine. (It isn't usually in my nature to act like a spoilt brat if things don't go my way and its driving me mad).

So basically my question is what can I do and what help is there out there to help me through this. If I go to my doctor the wait to see a councillor is long and I often feel a lot better about situations by the time the appointment will come through. I don't feel depressed although the thoughts do get me down and I have to fight hard to get out of the mood I get myself in. These feelings come and go they are usually stronger when im pre-menstrual.

Thanks

[Ice.Maiden]

If you've no reason to suspect your partner of doing anything untoward, there's absolutely no reason why he shouldn't go out with his friends now and again - as should you be able to.
Jealousy springs from insecurity, but you must try and look at the position you're in.
You've known what it feels like not to have a father around at an important stage of your life, and so seeing how close your bf is to his daughter should make you happy. He sounds a decent guy, and you don't wat to lose him through being clingy.
Explain to him how you're feeling, and ask for a cuddle when you feel jittery. Then try and arrange some treats and outtings as a family, for when his daughter visits you.
Take a deep breath rj, stand back and look how at how lucky you are to have a man who wants to play an important part in his daughter's life - and join in. x

[rebajayne]

This is what is confusing me i think it is great they are close and that his whole family has involved me as one of there own so why cant i shake this jealously.
Im worried if i tell him he will just think im pathetic and not understand. x

[Ice.Maiden]

Hi hun. Pleae, please never show your jealousy in front of the child, but apart from that, it sounds like your bf is the best thing that's happened to you, so you don't want to lose his affections. Perhaps that's why it manifests itself as jealousy.
Your bf's daughter needs as much time and attention from her father as possible, and then, when she's not there, I hope those affections are transferred to yourself.
if you need a cuddle now and again - tell him, but I wouldn't go as far as to say you're jealous of the girl. Perhaps you're just seeing something in the situation that you wished YOU'D had a child? If you can look on her as the innocent party in all this, I'm sure you have a big enough heart to accept that she'll need her dad as much as you do. I'm sure you'd be horrified if someone felt like this over your son.
As for becoming obsessed about knowing what your bf's doing, where he is and so on, again, it has to do with lack of trust and/or insecurity. Perhaps when you're alone together, you can tell him that you have a problem which you want to discuss with him? Sounds as if you could do with a break as well - to get out a bit more yourself, and preferably with your partner. Also, if you have something to occupy your mind, even if it's only to have friends round for a laugh, i think you'll find yourself relaxing a bit, and not forever thinking the worst. On the other hand, if you have reason to doubt your bf, then this needs to be discussed openly. If you keep things buried, they magnify. Best of luck to you. x

[caththecrazy]

Try to put yourself in her position and think back to how you felt about your dad leaving when you were her age. Difficult though I'm sure.

Maybe you should still go to the next appointment you make even if you have calmed down as sounds like, it could re occur. Perhaps you need to indentitfy where these feelings are coming from and why and then you'll be better equipped to deal with them.