He's invited the in-laws on holiday!

[jem_bob]

So do I have the right to be furious? Quick rundown... just had fairly serious operation, jaw broken and re-wired in new position. Have had rough time of it so booked a lovely holiday for boyfriend and I at end of August. Spent hours trawling the net for a good deal and nice place to go. Finally get it booked last Friday, after having had NO help whatsoever from the other half. He then announces yesterday that his parents and little sister have also booked to go to the exact same place during the same time as us. Boyfriend is very much a Mummy's boy with her sending him several texts every day, pestering and just generally wanting to know everything about his life. I can now see my lovely holiday being spent with them (very stressful as the Mum is constantly fussing around her grown-up children). The other half says it'll still be our holiday, but I know it will just not be the same, we'll be forever 'bumping into' them in the resort and they'll be making contact every day to find out what we're doing. It turns out that his Mum consulted him almost a week ago to ask if we minded and he didn't feel the need to even discuss it with me, because he knew I wouldn't be happy about it. Says it all really! He's now left it until it has been booked and paid for to tell me. And says he didn't think it would matter. Am I overraccting?

[paross]

Certainly not!!! I would firstly kick him where it hurts and then ditch him. What a thoughtless, gutless ******* and not worthy of being anybody's boyfriend, except maybe his Mum.

[abbie1977]

I don't think you are over-reacting. My mum is the same as your other half's mum, she constantly fusses over me and my brother even though we are both in our 30's but we both have enough guts to tell her to stop fussing!! I have to say though, if my brother and his gf had booked a holiday, I as the sister would ensure my parents were NOT going to the same place to give them both space. I really feel for you. I think your boyfriends needs to strap on a pair and tell her you need your rest after your op and that you will be doing your own thing for the holiday but maybe meet up for a meal or 2 to keep her happy?

Good luck!! xx

[sn�gs]

No you're not over reacting... he has been incredibly thoughtless: ''he knew I wouldn't be happy about it''... and also sneaky: ''He's now left it until it has been booked and paid for to tell me''...

Two options: go, make the most of it... remember you need/deserve the holiday... or don't go... and deal with the fallout...

[jem_bob]

Thanks guys, I thought I was blowing it out of proportion. He keeps saying over and over that we won't spend much time with them at all. But I know that won't be the case. Why would they book the same holiday destination at the same time if they didn't plan on meeting up with us. He's already said that we'll go for dinner with them a few nights, and shopping with the one day, and to the waterpark with them one day and to a sand sculpture exhibition... so that's almost our whole holiday already decided! I can't not go because I've paid a lot of money and was so looking forward to it. I am really heartbroken because I just know it's going to be ruined. They'll be texting every day and night to find out what we're doing and 'do we want to meet up?' and the boyfriend won't want to say no and I'll get roped in. His Mum is so sneaky! No wonder she was so damn interested in how my holiday plans were going and whether we'd booked anything yet. I am furious!

[Whickerman]

Maybe you are blowing it out of proportion.

Also, maybe he has no control over their holiday.

But he does have control over his, and he sounds like he's 12. Dump him and get a man with a pair.

[saxy_jag]

I'm with the others here. I'd be furious, mummy's boy or not. And if he knew you wouldn't be happy about it, why the bl**dy hell did he do it!??

Quite simply - refuse to go. If you can cancel one or both of you, so much the better. You'll have more peace at home on your own than away with the in-laws.

Can you afford a holiday alone? Perhaps a cheap city break or a few days in a health spa? If you can, book it for the same week, don't tell him until the last minute and say you didn't tell him earlier because you knew he wouldn't like it.

Whicker ... 12? I've known three year olds behave better. ;-)

[brenda]

I think you have every right to be angry.

However after your own trauma , you deserve a holiday.

So go and enjoy . It may be better than you think.

On your return make it clear that you will never be manipulated by him or his Mother again , and if it looks like happening , then out the door for good he goes.

Best of luck.

[lilacben]

I too would be very very annoyed about this.! One year for my birthday my husband booked tickets for us to see a London show..........plus one for his mum as well.!!! I was not impressed at all. And the thought of going on holiday in the same place would really make me mad.! You are right your boyfriend will not say no to his mum and you will be expected to go along with it.but what to do about it, well I really do not know what to say. I wouldnt want to go myself and would try to change it . Can you ask the travel agent if you can change to somewhere else.? Good luck anyway and let us know what has happened. Good luck. xx

[pastafreak]

Go...and enjoy
But confiscate his phone when you get there->i> before he gets a chance to give them ANY info on where exactly you are in the resort.

[Ice.Maiden]

You deserve a holiday jem_bob, so what I'd do, is go.
Give your bf's mum a call, and say that you'd like to meet up for a meal and/or drink on...and specify a day. Then tell her that the rest of the break's just for you and your man, especially after what's happened to you - and tell your bf in a calm manner what you've done, or are going to do, so that you can be sure of sticking to that.

[jem_bob]

Thanks for the advice. By all means, I am going to go. But I am going to kick up one hell of a fuss every time he mentions meeting up with them. I'm not trying to control where they go on holiday. But the fact that they chose the exact same place and at the same time is the issue here. The thing that annoys me is she just cannot leave us alone. After discussing this with my own Mum, I know that the thought of 'gatecrashing' our holiday wouldn't even cross her mind and she certainly wouldn't want to put me on the spot by asking. And the boyfriend has gone and told her that I'm 'pleased' about it, so now I have to act like I'm delighted when I next see them.

[Rosetta]

one short term solution would be to drop his phone in the swimming pool "oh dear how clumsy am I" but I am sure even that wouldn't work. Your boyfriend has colluded with this situation and hasn't the sensitivity to see what the problem is.
Well defined ground rules are needed here, but if he is incapable of sticking to what you agree it doesn't augur well for your future together. I'm not suggesting you turn into a control freak, expecting to call all the shots, but consideration and respect are a two way street here and so far he has not shown you much of either.

[funnygirl]

it may not all be bad, as I once went on holiday with my inlaws and we had a great time, despite my Ma in Law being such a teetotal prude and stick in the mud!

[caththecrazy]

I can't believe it - he's controlled by his mum - how old is he?

He knew you wouldn't be happy about it so didn't tell you. Go on the holiday but don't kow tow to her. I'd remind him what he said about it being your holiday everytime he says you should meet his mum.

Is his dad under the mum's control? Maybe you could try to get him on your side?

When you get back home you need to sort out why he can't say no to her - maybe you should get him to see a psychologist - so he can figure out why he acts like this.

[jem_bob]

He's 22 cath, and would never admit that he has a problem and would never see a phsychiatrist. We've just recently moved in together, but she still can't seem to let go. She does EVERYTHING for her kids, used to make him a packed lunch every day up until the day he moved out... pathetic! He says she's annoying and too overpowering, but would never tell her to stop it in case of hurting her. So she just goes on fussing constantly like a blue ar*ed fly around everyone. The husband just lets her do everything for him, I think he's happy to just get away with doing bu**er all. The bottom line is she should have respected our privacy and not even dared to ask to come on our holiday. She shouldn't have put my boyfriend in that positon and he should have grown a backbone and said no to her.

[marval]

I would go on the holiday, but every time they suggest meeting up or going out together, remind them very firmly that this is your holiday. Tell them you are recovering after a major operation and need time to yourself to relax. If they don't like it tough, make sure your bf knows never to do that again. You should not have any worries at this time, and if he can't see that then he need to go home to Mummy.

[flyingpig]

Forget to pack the phone charger, once the battery has gone flat no phone calls from mommy.

[jem_bob]

Argh no! Just found out their hotel is next door but one to ours. They could not have got any closer if they'd tried, as there's a supermarket between us! What are they doing to us?! We'll have to walk past their hotel every night on the way into the town. Guys help... I don't know if I can hold my tongue next time I see them.

[Paul22118]

Do not go. Simples!!!!!