still no contact after 8 weeks! yaye!

[baggysenior]

hi to all who are familiar with my story. I can't believe i've had the strength to refrain from texting him despite me still loving him. its been one of the hardest things i've done. I think if truth be known hes probably quite shocked too. Im not the vunerable weak woman he once knew and controlled. My personal belief is everything happens for a reason and although my heart still aches for him i know its for the best. By spliting up when we did, its allowed me to grieve and get on with life and look forward to celebrations over the festive period (he doesnt celebrate xmas, new year, bdays etc) due to his concerns with poverty, and i understand this to a degree. But i think i would have found it hard to accept him not coming to celebrations with me and enjoying a xmas family meal. i would have found it particularly hard not being able to give him a gift. i owe it to my 2yr old to enjoy christmas. I would still like my day but i guess men don't put a time on relationship break ups (ie i know im heading into our 8th week of separation) he has MULTIPLE issues, and im over the worst i think. I don't seek revenge, but i wouldnt mind bumping into him one day with a gorgeous man on my arm!! haha seriously, thanks for all your support, you've all kept me going in your own way and i wholeheartedly appreciate it.

[tamborine]

Keep it up baggysenior; well done - he is history. You know you've been mis-used!

Upwards & onwards!

[baggysenior]

am i missing something quechin? one is lost???

[cazzz1975]

IM glad you are seeing things in this way now baggysenior!!, not to mention the fun of doing what you want to do, the more time you spend away from his control the more you will see that a lot about your relationship was unhealthy. Now its time to smile and look forward to making yours and your childs life happy, and what an excellent way to start with finally enjoying christmas!

[baggysenior]

thanks so much cazzz1975. Its support like yours thats allowed me to step outside the box and allow me to see that HE was the one that was making me believe i was vunerable and weak and could'nt live without him.

[lil123]

How long were you with this man?
I think you have got over the worse bit, its just breaking that erge to want to ring or text them I think.
I left my husband 3 years ago and we had been together nearly 20 years. It was hardest thing I had ever done but there was a lot of domestic violence and that man treated a animal better than he did me and my children.
He still drags me in court every few months to try and see our small son, but that will be coming to a end soon as he clearly isn't interested in our son.
Now, I just get on with my new life. I am with a man who I know really loves me and my son. We are planning to live together etc and I never ever thought I would meet someone like him who treats us like we should be.
Enjoy your Xmas and New year, get your self some lovely outfits and think this is your new life now !!!

[baggysenior]

thanks lil123. I was only in the relationship for 9 months but it was an intense 9months and i loved him. hearing you say there are other men out there who will treat me and my daughter well gives me alot of comfort. I think i deserve more. and now im out of the relationship i can look at the bigger picture, and see just how he cleverly turned me being chased to me chasing him, he ignored my calls 'that night' and i dont think thats very mature for a 40yr man. Every time i think of contacting him i thing of the ugliness an immaturiy of his behaviour that night and i dislike him. I'm pretty confident that he thought i'd contact him and he was punishing me for something out of my control. I do wonder whether he'll ever contact me (he said he loved me and had never felt this way about a woman before) Men think differently to us gals so i hope if he ever contacts me i have the strength to say 'your loss'. its been 8 weeks thats felt like an eternity! In a bizarre way i hope its been a long 8 weeks for him too! thanks again :)

[lil123]

I think you should congratulate yourself to be rid of him and keeping that image and thought of him will keep you from contacting him.
I had my ex even up to last year wanting me to take him back even though I moved 60miles away to be able to start a new life without the fear of him turning up on my door step and looking over my shoulder.
I n my darkest days when I was contemplating to take him back, I bought a note book and wrote down exactly what I wanted, A good job, nice house and someone who would love me for who I was etc. I had to go and stay in a refuge for 10mths until I was re housed and that was tough to do.
Write down and imagine how you want your life to be.
You can get help from the police if he starts harassing you to go back. x

[helpmeout06]

Peace be with you, I was in a similar situation myself and funny enough I am writing a play at Uni on the subject, best of luck to you, stay strong.

[baggysenior]

thanks gals. I don't think he'll harrass me. If i havent heard from him in 8 weeks i'm presuming i'll never hear from him again. is that wrong? he has multiple problems in his life one of which is his 15 yr old daughter moving in with him (which he didnt want after leading the life of a bachelor for 5yrs) if im honest i think this factors largely in the split. i.e he wouldnt be able to stay over at mine etc. he had huge financial worries etc so i guess a relationship with me was an added stress that he could do without. Somewhere i found the strength to say that i wouldn't chase him any longer. You are all so nice and supportive i feel i know you all :) thankyou

[baggysenior]

4 weeks is still some achievement you should be proud. i know its one of the hardest things i've done, especially when you still love them. Try not to respond to any contact. generally men don't like it when they don't know what you're doing. i.e has she met someone else?etc. remind him of what he's lost, and with the festive period approaching he's going to wonder what you're doing ie parties etc.... try and be strong, you'll feel all the more positive for doing so. This experience has been a learning curve for me and it continues to be as each day passes, it will for you too. My mum always said whats meant for you won't pass you by. i find comfort in that saying. Stay strong and refrain from contacting him, let him realise what hes lost. Listen to me now giving advice aye? haha. My ex used to say i love being seen with you, i love being in your presence, you make me feel good etc etc well he's lost all of that because of his juvenile aggressive behaviour. Try and focus on the bad parts of your ex, thats what helps me. good luck goodbyegirl x