Am I selfish?

[NoMercy]

I will be turning 33 in a couple of weeks and that is when a lot of women would start to think about their biological clock ticking away. I've always loved the idea of having a couple of kids, fab husband, glittering career and plenty of time on my hands. Trouble is... life is not really like that. When I take time to contemplate the sacrifices I would have to make to bring children into this world, I suddenly decide that maybe I'm not that maternal afterall. I don't know if I will regret it in years to come, but for now I don't know if I want to ever be a mum. I know my own mother will be disappointed, as I am her only hope at having grandchildren. People will probably think I'm a cold-hearted b*tch, but I love my freedom and I am just not ready to wave it goodbye.

[cazzz1975]

why are you being a cold hearted b*tch? surely bringing a child into the world when you dont want to is more heartless???

[snags]

Having kids is not the be all and end all of life... there's always cake ;-p

[sherrardk]

I was 31 when I had my first child after seven years of marriage (I had put it off as I was petrified of the giving birth bit) - we had to make sacrifices and have done every since but I would not change things for the world.

[cazzz1975]

you can be a mad woman with upteen cats ;)

[sara3]

NoMercy, each to their own. having kids for someone else's benefit would probably be a huge mistake that you would regret.

anyway, you're still a baby and might change your mind in a few years.. but if you don't that's fine.

[NoMercy]

Yes, and that is what I keep telling myself, Cazzz. My mother wasn't terribly maternal and often made me feel like I was holding her back. We are great friends, but I couldn't go to her for advice.

[cazzz1975]

so as someone who isnt maternal, why would she be disappointed if you did not have children?

[NoMercy]

I'm allergic to cats Cazzz - but I would have every homeless dog in the world if I could...

[kojak]

If you feel you're not ready... or dont wish to become a mum, dont then.........better decide, because once it's done you cant go back, sweetheart xx

You may feel different in a couple of years........and you have a while with your clock yet, you lovely little minx xx

[NoMercy]

Because she was only 18 when she had me, and she made a lot of mistakes. I think she wishes she could have had another child, and it's as though she wants to do it through me....

[cazzz1975]

it could be that you have not felt the urge yet, maybe you are not with the right person or the situation isnt right, maybe the situation will never be right?? you may change your mind in a few years and you may not, either way you will know when the time comes

[rinkins]

Hey NM, I've had similar thoughts, I think I'll end up being a spinster with cats :-)

[society]

NoMerc, would you like a child who's toilet trained, can dress themselves, eat without help and very loving? Then adopt me. I promise to care for you when you get to be old, and I would not put you in an old people home. :-)

[tamborine]

am sure you have plenty of love to shower on other's children - you can be a special aunt.

Having your own children is often foistered rather than planned.

[NoMercy]

I have a lovely nephew and enjoy spending time with him, but I am relieved when he falls asleep and I can take his nappy off my head !!

Society... I think you've hit the nail on the head. I would love to have a child that was all that you just described... but that's not reality, is it. I just can't shake the feeling that I am being selfish not wishing to get married and start a family, because I haven't been everywhere in the world I want to go...

[joggerjayne]

hummingbird ...

The "Childless Club" has lots of members.

There's me, and ...

... erm ...



... oh, er ...



... that's it, really.

[society]

NoMerc, children are a blessing, but if it's God's will you'll have one/them when and if you are destined to. My sister had her first child at 41, so you still have time left. But hurry up girl, what you waiting for :-)

[cazzz1975]

you have to shake that feeling nomercy, whether it has been instilled by you mother or by societies expectations