I'm dreaming of gagging someone

[susiespider]

On Friday, husband and I went to a friend's house for drinks, there were 5 couples in all. Which is very nice, but..... The problem is that I have a quiet voice, and the friend who's house we were in loves the sound of her own voice, she can't bear not to be listening to herself talk. So every time I try to join in a conversation, she just talks over me. So does her sister, though she's not quite as bad. It's so frustrating. I've tried carrying on talking but I can't compete with a foghorn. I knew it would be like this as it's always the same. I end up just sitting there and not even attempting to talk. I'm quite happy to listen to other people talk but not all the time - two way conversations are much nicer. She'll even ask me a question and then interrupt as soon as I try to answer it. She interrupts others as well, but they have louder voices than me so have more luck in being heard. On the rare occasions when I do get a word in, I end up sounding aggressive as I shout, desperately trying to actually finish a sentence before the inevitable interruption.
If I'm with her alone, she's fine, one-to-one she's no problem and is good company.

I know I can't change her, she's 61, but has anyone got any suggestions as to how to stop myself from screaming, which I think I will do one day? I thought perhaps I could take up knitting and sit there doing that, or maybe I could read a book (I was sitting near her bookcase and was sorely tempted to read one), or do a crossword - she'd probably not notice. Maybe I should strip off naked and sit on her husband's knee. On second thoughts, maybe not, you haven't seen her husband. I've told my husband I'll probably just happen to be ill next time (I escaped early in the end, I was genuinely ill by then).
Sorry this is so long-winded - it's so good not to be interrupted!

[filibuster]

Sorry, I don't have an answer for you, susiespider, but I do sympathise. As you say, some people just love the sound of their own voice. I just avoid them!

[turquoise]

Hiya, i have a work colleague who sounds exaclty just like her! She asks you a question and as soon as you're about to answer it she talks about something else or she asks another question and doesn't even give me a chance to answer the previous question, what's the point of asking when you're gonna carry on talking? Anway, how i dealt with it is that i told her what she does, and she's kinda understanding, and everytime she does it i remind her that she's just done it. She in her late forties so i donno if she'll ever change too. But i think these ppl are probaly stuck in their ways and probably won't change. I mean she's a lovely person very funny and chatty, but she can really talk for England, and she's dead loud. But good luck i hope you find a solution!

[R1Geezer]

I find the best way is to phone them up. People like that cannot resist a phone either. Just make an excuse and go out of the room then call her. Then when she answers say first, you asked me a question please let me answer it. Then after that go back in he room and every time she does it again call her again, have her number on speed dial, she will then be torn between her own voice and answering the phone, eventually she'll learn that when you aren't allowed to finish whe'll get interupted too.

[R1Geezer]

for we'll read she'll above

[Charisse2]

I was expecting something entirely different from the Question Header! :0]. I like R1GEEZERS suggestion.

[stevec000]

why not try and fire questions at her .. try rapid fire questions 0n the subject she's talking about, but you'll have to be quick, dont let her get on top off you be quick and witty if all else fails slap her lol

[brenda]

WHY BOTHER GOING TO THESE FUNCTIONS , STAY AT HOME WITH A GOOD BOOK AND A BOTTLE OF WINE.

( Sorry for the caps , drunk in charge of a keyboard your honour)

[R1Geezer]

That's the problem teve, susie is too quiet, she needs alternative tac tics. Just thought if another one, take a note pad and write down any chances you had to say something. Make sure she sees. At some point she'll notice you writing and ask about it, then say, "well I was noting your questions so that I can email the answers back as clearly you can't shut up long enough to listen to any kind of response". Then actually email her the next day.

[R1Geezer]

Even better, invite me to one of these bashes, I'll shut her up for you!

[craft1948]

susie I am the same age as your friend and have been guilty in the past of doing exactly the same thing without realising it.
A friend pointed this out to me a few years ago and I was absolutely mortified as I honestly didn't realise I was doing it. Since then I have made a real effort to change my behaviour and I suggest you have a word with your friend.
If she is not a friend after having a word it's her tough luck.....

[Ankou]

she probably doesn't realise she is doing it - it is a sign of insecurity after all, and i bet most of the people there felt the same as you. as it was at her house, she probably felt the need to 'keep the conversation going' by rattling on and on.

sometimes the best way is to let them finish their sentence and respond with complete silence. then when they look at you with raised eyebrows just say 'i'm sorry, had you finished ?'. if they say yes, talk, and if they interrupt say 'i thought you'd finished'. if they ramble on a bit more then repeat. they soon get the idea.

what you (and the others at the party) are actually doing is caled mirroring. this is a bad thing for a bad habit because one assumes it is acceptable social group behaviour. a bit like farting. if one person does its generally met with disgust, but if several people do it it somehow becomes funny and acceptable if not encouraged (check the film blazing saddles for my extensive reasearch on that!)

[Seadragon]

I have a suggestion for you - when she's in full mode, stand next to her with a drink and when she asks a question make it seem like you have just had an uncontrollable fit of laughter and either clumpsily raise the glass spilling the drink over her or take a prior sip and spray it out in her direction. That should keep her quiet and you can have a good laugh!

But seriously, next time you're alone with her just tell her, like the others say and as Craft says she may not realise what she does?

[susiespider]

Thanks for all your suggestions, not sure I'll say anything. I agree with Ankou - it could well be a sign of insecurity, bearing that in mind might help me understand it more.