bedroom problem

[minder]

I've been with this girl for 3 months. A couple of nights ago we were planning to have sex for the first time. I called over to her place and basically was unable to rise to the occasion. I dont normally have a problem with this. I think its psychological, I couldnt seem to just relax and be natural. I'm worried that it will happen the next time. I want this relationship to work beacuse I'm very happy in it and I think she is too. help please.

[Casey]

You were more than likely just very nervous. Try and relax, maybe you could both have a nice night in have a chat etc and not rush into it straight away. You will find that way you will feel more comfortable with each other when it actually comes down to it.

[WaldoMcFroog]

Agreed - it's most likely to be nervousness. Don't worry about it - regardless of what they might say, many men have had this happen to them at some point. It isn't impotence, it won't last and it isn't something to get hung up about.

 

The chances are, it won't happen again, but if it does one of the best things you can do is talk to your girlfriend. You never know, she might even be flattered that you're concerned enough about the sex to be worried. Talking can only help reduce the levels of expectation you're doubtless (in inevitably) putting into the occasion.

 

Also, don't forget that sex normally gets better with a partner - it's rare that your first time with someone is the best, simply becuase you're yet to discover what turns each other on. In short, from here the only way is - pardon the subtext - up!

[j2buttonsw]

Ah "The fear" I guess it has happen to the best of us... your not feeling guilty about something are you?

[minder]

Thanks guys for those answers. No, I'm feeling guilty about anything. Just feel worried and embaressed which hopefully will get sorted out

[Miss Zippy]

Perhaps because you had planned for it to happen on a particular night, you just worked yourself up thinking about it in the days leading up to it and got all anxious etc. I'm not saying you shouldn't plan it, it's great that you've both talked about it and are being sensible and not rushing things, but don't put the pressure on yourselves to perform at a particular time and just relax and let things take their course. 

[andy hughes]

Sound advice from all, as usual. You just need to be careful of the 'self-fulfilling prophesey' - if you worry enough about a no-show, that's what you will get. best to just take things nice and easy and let things progress natrually. I would be inclined to arrange some time alone, but with no expectation of anything beyond a nice evening. let things take their own time, and you'll be fine. This problem is far more common than you know - but it is temporary. Remember, if that particular area of your body isn't coming out to play, you have other areas which will suffice.

[Octavius]

This will sound like cliche ridden crap, but bear with me

 

There is a saying, something like 'live for the journey not the destination'.  Similarly if you were planning to have sex, you might have had some hidden angst because you were contentrating on you getting the goal and impressing the fans rather than being a team player and scoring together.

 

Ok, so if you imagine that to have sex with this girl you need to go on a "journey" (foreplay), and if you really want to impress her take this slowly and make it last (!!) then I am sure everything that is natural will follow. 

[karabulut]

Octavius is dead right...Try not to approach it as if it's a mission to be accomplished.Relax...take your time...indulge in bundles of foreplay..enjoy each other....find out what turns you both on...trust me,,,it will happen.....good luck mate.

[minder]

Hey Everybody,

Thanks a million for those answers. They made alot of sense, helped me out big time. The problem seems to be gone. I think it goes to show..........Too much thinking never really did anybody much good!!

Thanks. M