Self confidence

[benny3008]

Over the past few years, i have had an issue with self confidence, I am constantly nervous about something, this evening at work (trainee chef) we had a table of 42 in, all day i have been so worried about it that i made myself ill, i am always nervous that i will screw something up, when i do make mistakes, it gets to me and i usually make more mistakes because am panicking. i have spoken to my parents about it but they say i am being to hard on myself but i can't help it, i aim to please. it seems as though over the past few weeks, so many things have gone wrong, my dog got ill and i had to fork out a load of money to get him better, work has been getting to me to the point where i don't think i am cut out for the job any longer and it's all just coming at once, i can't stop getting upset about it all as i just don't feel i can keep up with everything.i don't know what to do anymore and could really do with some advice on how to raise my confidence. it's affecting my life so much at the moment to the point where i don't eat properly anymore, i doubt myself all the time, and at times, think that getting my dog was a mistake as i don't feel as though i have the knowledge to look after him properly. please can someone who has been in this kind of situation help me. TIA

[boxtops]

Benny, it sounds like you have been having a hard time over the past few weeks, and when everything starts to pile on top of you, people do feel pressured. How did your dinner today actually go - did everything go relatively smoothly? - more importantly, did the diners enjoy themselves? You say "I aim to please" which is a lovely outlook on life, but you can't please everyone all of the time - I learned that very quickly in the service industry! - so all you can do is your best, all the time, and make allowances if things go wrong - you are only human, Start with your dog - I bet you have read up on everything to do with the breed and I bet your dog loves you. Start with small steps - go and see your doctor or your practice nurse (whichever you get on better with) and tell them that life is getting on top of you and you'd like some help. They won't think you're odd or inadequate, you would be surprised how many people suffer crises of confidence at times in their lives. Be open with them and see what they suggest - a counsellor sounds like a good idea to me, they can suggest very small steps to help you climb out of this crisis and to rebuild your confidence, a bit at a time. In the meantime, just concentrate for you on the things you know you do well, even the little things, and give yourself ticks for them, don't worry about what you feel are your downsides - just be aware of them but don't let them get to you. You were so pleased to get this job, and I know that often when people start new courses or new paths all of a sudden it gets daunting - but work through it. We all make mistakes, just admit them and learn from them and vow not to let them happen again - that's why you're training, so you can learn and improve. Keep posting here, mate - we were pleased when you got the job and I'm sure we'll support you through what you feel is a crisis of confidence at the moment.

[4getmenot]

boxtops was spot on with the you cant please evereyone and I agree dont aim to please, just aim to do best you can.

[benny3008]

Thanx boxtops, i have had counselling in the past when my grandad got cancer, i always felt as if i didn't do enough to help at the time and that i always got in the way. i have considered counselling again but not sure if it will make a difference. I always seek the negative and have been told by family and friends that i need to see positive in things which i am going to try and do. thanx for your help boxtops. i will keep in mind what you have said. :-)

[boxtops]

Thanks Benny - and 4get too. You sound at the moment like a "glass half empty" person - I used to be like that and I knew I had to change as life was miserable feeling like that all the time. Start to think of the good things and your glass being "half full" instead - it takes time, but making yourself concentrate on positive things - nice dog, nice parents, you have a job (at a time when jobs are hard to find) -rather than whether you're doing well enough. There are self-help tapes etc which might help but to be honest, you need to be ready for them before you go down that route. Can I suggest - have a look at this link, see if you recognise yourself, have a look at the hints and tips. The will to change it has to come from within yourself and as you have come on here, you already want to change the way you feel about yourself. Have a read - this is sensible stuff, and recommends what I suggested, starting very slowly. Let us know how you get on - you don't have to read it but I think something like this might help.

[boxtops]

Helps if I post the link..... http://www.mindtools.com/selfconf.html

[looobylooo]

hellooo benneth :o)
aww, im sorry to hear youre going through a bit of a low time at the moment, not nice eh ...
boxtops has said everything idve wanted to say to you, only better,
youre a lovely lad bennie, really you are, and i think youve got a lot going for you,
so try and not feel down matey, and lets hope its just a temporary down moment that youre going through which will hopefully soon pass,
it mustve taken a lot to put your feelings and words down on here tonight, not always easy to do when its something personal like this is it,
but we are all here for you, anytime you need to talk ok,
so chin up, and keep smiling that beautiful smile,
all the besteth, looobyloooeth x :o)

[benny3008]

Thanx looobyloooeth, and all others, it's nice that you are all so understanding and helpful. :-) xx

[Prudie]

Hi benny, you've had some great posts so far. Really most of us look back at being insecure in our teens just like you. It will get better really! As for your dog he/she will hopefully give you years of love and you will be doing everything right I'm sure - it's a bit like first time mums, I was terrified of even bathing my daughter when I first had her.
Look for as much support as you can, including from your GP if you need to. As for work try not to worry too much - as Dr Pepper says what's the worst that could happen!
x

[zzxxee]

Hi benny sorry tour feeling so down
is it the job in general or the people you work with you are worried about?.
I have always thought you have come across as a bright intelligent lovely lad far wise beyond his years , you have tons going for you xxx

[zzxxee]

*sorry your

[karenmac60]

Benny, sorry to hear things aren't going so well for you at the moment. Try having a look at this site and maybe giving them a call - I know it's a Scottish thing, but I'm sure they won't turn you away :) They are aimed at helping young men who are finding things a bit hard going, I have friends who have called them - sometimes relying on them quite heavily to get through particularly rough times, and they have said the help and support they've had has helped immensely. Good luck and keep us posted x

http://www.breathings...ace/CCC_FirstPage.jsp

[boxtops]

Karen, what a great site, the stress and anxiety section looks idea for benny! Benny, don't worry that the site says "mental health", it's not suggesting that anything's up seriously with your mental health but that anxiety and stress fall under this general heading - many of us have been there. Karen's site looks well worth a look, and I like the fact that it's aimed for the guys. Let us know how you're feeling x

[wolf63]

I think that you will discover in time that at your age most people suffer from insecurities and anxiety. Knowing that you are not alone or weird really makes dealing with these things easier to deal with.

I have a tendency to worry and panic about something before it actually happens. I live alone with my cats (crazy cat lady!) and one of them is asthmatic. Every time he moved or made a noise I went into total panic mode - feeling sick and out of control. You, like me, are the only one who can really stop the cycle of destruction.

Don't do anything rash about your dog - bypass any wheelie bins - and just take it one step at a time. The others have given you good, solid, helpful advice.

Best wishes.